To be concerned about my ex’s ability to parent?

[bastardex]

Ex is chronically late and always has been. Always at least 15 minutes late to contact handovers, which isn’t much of an issue in and as of itself, but also late to parties child is invited to or school events, or just forgets and doesn’t go despite constant reminders. Has child Sunday morning to Tuesday evening. We have a turning 6 year old together who has just started Y1 and last year was late dropping child off to school over 7 times, and child has told me ex is frequently quite late to pickup too.

I can give some leeway based on the fact that ex lives a 20 minute drive away from the school, but they moved to a new house midway through child’s last school year so knew it would be more difficult to get there on time than me who lives 1 minute walk away. I would offer to have child on Monday and Tuesday so they don’t have to worry about it but I’ve faced a lot of abuse in terms of the contact situation over the years (court ordered arrangement, so not an amicable relationship by any means). Ex is also currently struggling for money and their car is constantly crashed, not working or being fixed.

How am I supposed to do anything in this situation? I told school last year when attendance was brought up that every day where there were absences, lates etc were all ex’s days and I am not paying any fines or talking to welfare officers when it is ex’s incompetence that is the issue. We have not been late once and I find it extremely important to get to places on time as the start of the day is vital. I do not think it is a big ask to get your child to school on time. I’m seriously concerned about this.

This would drive me crazy too but I don’t know what the answer is I’m afraid…

Talk to the school. Surely they are aware that you and his dad are separated and it's likely even they have noted that the lates occur on dad's time.

What about he has ever other weekend? Would he agree?

Strong sympathies. The number of times DS2 's class teacher has pulled me aside for the dreaded "word", done the tilty head thing and asked me if I was aware that DS2 hadn't had breakfast....no, I wasn't, because I wasn't the one to drop him off that morning and it never happens on the mornings I do drop him off, does it . Perhaps bring it up with his father eh 🙄

Definitely not. He is always keen to prove he is better than me in every way and threatens to go back to court if I challenge the arrangements (don’t know where the money for this would come from!)

Tell him a 15 minute earlier start time for all parties, school events etc.. going forward. If you just send a picture of the invites, you simply alter it before sending.

Also mention, as she’s in year 1 now, registration is at (15 minutes) than reception class, you forgot to tell him about the change. And this is the start time throughout Primary School.

I was always late to the pub etc.., my friends clocked pretty early on that I needed to be told an earlier meet-up time just to be on-time. I didn’t realise for years!

First day ex has taken child to school this year and they were late. 🤦‍♀️ I don’t understand.

Would he agree to change it to Saturday morning to Sunday evening so she isn't late to school? Only other way is to go through courts and self represent so that it isn't too expensive? Explain current arrangements aren't working because of the late drop offs/pick ups to school and you'd like to change the arrangements to (what you think would work). It's crap though my partner lives an hour by car away from his eldests school only time he has ever been late was one pick up when the car broke down and he had to get the bus rest of the way.