AIBU to decline going to 90th birthday party?

[Bookworm05]

We've been invited to my step dad's mums 90th birthday party. The only thing is, we live four hours away from the party and have two young children (age 6 and 2). The party is on a Sunday. It would be an eight hour round trip (without stop offs!) to travel on the Sunday, with school the next day. If we stayed over the night before, we would also miss Halloween, which sounds daft but it's my 6 year old's favourite day of the year with her friends!
With it being half term that week, we are also taking a trip to see other family for a few days, and it's both of my children's birthdays at the start of the half term too.
The rest of the extended family are going to the party. I feel like I'm being difficult but it's such bad timing for a party and feels too much for us!
AIBU for not wanting to go?

Personally I would go, it would mean a lot to an old woman on her birthday

Just go alone, set off at kids bedtime on the Saturday so you don't miss out on Halloween with them. Get a hotel Saturday night, go to the party and drive home after.

No way. If it was important for you to be there, they wouldn't have organised it to be on a Sunday. That's way too far for a Sunday event when you don't have the option of staying over after. Have you looked at the cost of flights?

It’s completely understandable. Send some flowers or some wine and a birthday card.. hop of to a FaceTime call if possible during the party to ‘show your face’. And thats it. An 8hour round trip with two young kids with school the next day would be mad.

I would go but probably leave the kids with their Dad.

Yes, you are more likely to many other opportunities to see the other people you discussed, but not to have the chance to go to another "big" birthday for this person, and while a lot of people don't care about birthdays, at that age, it's clearly something they want to celebrate, so I'd make the effort.

I wouldn't , even without the dc.

I presume the party isn't going to be in the morning, so at best, afternoon into the evening, or potentially all the evening.
If I were teaching on the Monday morning I would NOT be doing a (minimum) 4 hour drive home on the Sunday night, even without small dc.

It is a shame to miss it, but whoever arranged it for her could have thought the timing through a bit better - it is clearly not ideal for anyone who has to travel any distance to be attending a party on the night before they go to work.

I can't think of any way to make this sound less bad, but at 90 there's no guarantee she'll even make it to the end of October. So I wouldn't be deciding either way just yet.

All the people she lives is unlikely to be her sons wifes child and grandchildren.

Nope 🤷‍♀️

It may be the last time you see that person

Thanks everyone! We've decided to skip the party, but whilst on our trip in the week will go and see her at home. She lives two hours away from where we are seeing other family. Phew, it'll be a lot of driving that week! And to those asking, my own mum planned the party, knowing full well it would be difficult for us to get to! She said she wanted the party to be on her birthday. My mum even comes to our house each Sunday evening to stay over and do the school run for eldest/childcare for youngest each Monday so she also has to be back. My partner is considering seeing if he can take the day off on Monday so she doesn't have to rush back.

Just facetime someone whose going to be there and say a quick happy birthday, easy done with today's technology.

I would go if it was me. She might not see 91!