I feel like I have become so boring

[sodoffbeforemycupofcoff]

three years ago, I was out and about living life going out having a social life on the weekends I didn’t have my DD, going to the gym and I had freedom.
Then I had my DS whom I love dearly and couldn’t be without, but I now parent him on my own. His dad is not in the picture due to domestic abuse.
The highlight of my day is now going to the retail park(shopping) at B&M and having an early night.
I have no friends, I have no free time, I do not drink anymore, I do not smoke or do drugs, of course. I don’t really do anything other than being a mum.
I love my DC so much they are amazing little people. I just find my life so lonely and isolated right now😩ain

Furthermore, I can’t help but think I split for my DD father too soon, on a whim and I regret doing that.
I decided to go due to him cheating previously in our relationship, before my pregnancy but I found out when I was pregnant and we were not great anyway. I just always think I should have stayed and worked at it harder(as should he).

What has changed that you can’t get to the gym or have a social life at weekends?
Have you moved away from friends or family?
or are you feeling generally low and down?

No one will have my son over nights. He is 2 and my parents are elderly, my siblings have children of their own and his dad isn’t in the picture.
I also work so I can’t find time to go to the gym

Well you could talk to him about giving it another go if you want? Worst he could say is no.
You say it'd maybe make you happier, so worth a shot if you want.

he has moved on and has another child himself so I couldn’t/wouldn’t do that to his second family. It wouldn’t be fair

Why would your son have to go and stay somewhere overnight just so you can go out?! Get a babysitter, try Sitters.com. You can go out for the evening! What’s happened to the friends you had before?

I wouldn’t trust a stranger. I know this sounds bizarre but I just wouldn’t. I wouldn’t like my son being uncomfortable waking up to a stranger either if he woke while I was out.
Furthermore, I’d want a night off from being a mother so I’d take full advantage and likely want to get my leg over, without sounds crude. It’s been a loooooong time!
My friends before hand disappeared when I met my ex, he isolated me and we never made mends since. They have had babies/gone their separate ways now too.

Why don’t you message some of the friends you did have and suggest you reconnect? If they have kids now too you wouldn’t always need a babysitter to socialise you could meet up with the kids or if you do have childcare just not overnight you could still go for dinner or something just not overnight

Ah, if you won’t pay babysitters you don’t know (they wouldn’t be strangers once you’d met them, you know!), your family won’t babysit overnight and you want free time so you can have sex, your predicament is a bit unusual!

It’s definitely not that I want free time to have sex but if I go out and have a night off I’d be wanting to date too which ultimately would lead to that. Because I wouldn’t want it to, if I am honest.
I think I’m just bored and realised how much social life has dipped over the last few years I suppose.
in an ideal world, I’d still be with one of my DC dads but one I left a little too early due to reasons I said and the other was abusive so he is not an option.

It will get easier as they get older. They will spend more time with friends etc. It may be tough for another few years though.

You were right to split op imo, you’re just second guessing it all because you feel you’re in a rut x

This is the worst advice I have ever seen on Mumsnet. It can’t be real? You want her to go back to a cheating domestic abuser so she can have a night out?

I just don’t believe this thread at all.

OMG OP I absolutely resonate with being isolated from friends by a man. It’s so evil and insidious and I let it happen to me too. Solidarity :( I’d be your friend!

Sorry, so my DD dad is a cheat, DS dad is the abuser. They have different dads.

Thank you, I would be yours, too!
I also let it happen as I was convinced by him and myself at the time that he was all I needed(along with my DC of course)

That’s how they do it. ‘You don’t need them you just need me’ or ‘you’ve got time for them but not for me?’

I still blame myself for letting my friends down and always think how many things I’ve missed out on since and it makes me rage.

You aren’t alone, here if you want to chat!

It sounds really hard OP . could you stick it out for a few more years until the children are older and you feel confident about using baby sitters, and meanwhile try to make connections with local families you might do an occasional childcare swap with?

Could you start with having just a nice night out drinking or having dinner with friends? Why would that lead to sex or needing overnight childcare?

Surely there is a middle ground between not going out at all, and having to stay out all night to have sex? If you are so bored, then surely even having a coffee alone would be nice.

Have you made any contacts through school or nursery? Could you be more proactive arranging things? Also sometimes the nursery staff can do babysitting at weekends if they want to earn some extra money. What about playdates? Even that could give you a chance to go and have a coffee alone at least. Probably not much time for a daytime quickie though!

It is draining op. I have a dh but no family support and I find like my life has got a lot smaller. I’ve stayed home with dc for so long now that I’ve sort of lost the desire to go out drinking with friends and stuff. I actually enjoy being at home. I guess it’s easier for me as Dh can watch dc if I pop out for an hour to the gym or whatever. If you want to do this you just need a babysitter - wouldn’t be much for a few hours and you can meet them first so it doesn’t feel like you’re leaving ds with a strangers.

I think you might have to accept that full overnight sessions are not very practical at the moment but I’m sure when he starts school and makes friends there’ll be sleepovers and things like that.

Don’t start questioning splitting with your cheating ex, it’s just because you’re fed up and lonely.