Ok so I know that the topic of work, especially when the person wishing to discuss it “only” works part time, can be a bit of a tetchy subject on here but it’s something that I genuinely worry about, in fact some days it consumes me, so I’m taking a risk posting on here and have my hard hat at the ready.
So, let me start by saying I am 44 years old and I was diagnosed with Autism and ADHD 5 years ago. Now I know a lot of people think that everyone these days are just jumping on the bandwagon when it comes to getting diagnosed, but in this case, for me it was the validation I needed to help me understand why I have struggled the way I have done all of my life.
My situation in the past when I was younger was that I always worked a mixture of full time and almost full time hours and I coped but barely hung on. I then had my youngest dc 15 years ago and knew from him being very young there could be something. The short storey is that he was eventually diagnosed as an autistic after being kicked out of two schools by the age of 9. My dh has always worked full time, allbeit in low ish paying jobs (he has his own set of problems/neurodiversity) but he has always enjoyed work and is very sociable /!; has always contributed to the family and also due to his shifts was able to care for the dc when I was at work. Eventually though me staying in my current work at the time was impossible as I was constantly being called into work to pick our ds up from school due to his “behaviour” He started specialist school age 10 and things were still challenging for him up until I’d say this year where there have been significant (positive) changes.
I went back to work in 2022 working in a shop earning minimum wage part and then in 2024 i went back to working in Healthcare (not minimum wage) and I actually really enjoy it and earn more than I used to but I know that when I have to go back full time again I will not cope. My job is people facing completing medical so involves patient facing constant talking and deadlines for paperwork/reports. I can cope up until a certain point but if I work work than 3 long days each week or 4 normal/shorter days each week (which I’ve done on occasion I my current role) I am absolutely exhausted and by that I don’t just mean “normal” levels of tiredness, I mean I have to take myself off into my room for a while with no nosie and not speak to anyone and I can’t do anything much at all on my days off.
I have anxiety which I take medication for, I am peri menopausal and take HRT, I exercise, I lost a ton of weight and eat really well, all the things I was advised by my Gp to do and told I would then feel better, but I don’t feel “better”. I have to take baby wipes and deodorant to work each day as despite masking masking my ass off and (hopefully) coming across as professional, underneath it all I’m like a duck paddling like crazy on the water and I literally sweat through my clothes due to anxiety. I’ve had reviews at my Gp for my HRT and anxiety meds and they don’t increase either stating it’s my Autism and lifestyle causing me to feel this way. So what can I do to help me feel less anxious and more able to cope and function each day.
Even though I earn ok for a part time wage and my dh works full time we are currently entitled to UC (most months unless I work more hours) as we get DLA for our ds and we pay rent. This money/top ups is of course primarily for our ds but it enables us to have me work part time and be around for our ds more especially why we try and get him through his final year in school. But come next year ds will need to transfer from DLA and apply for PIP. I do not think he will qualify under PIP rules and our UC may reduce drastically if he doesn’t get onto the college course he’s hoping to do.
Now before I am flamed I do not expect to be subsided by the government for the rest of my life but at the same time I am trying my best to function like a normal person. I have tried everything I can think of to make me feel “better” and nothing has helped. I suspect the childhood trauma I experienced and also going undiagnosed for years hasn’t helped my self confidence and the fact I am indecisive, unsure of myself, don’t cope with change has not helped me take advantage of opportunities that have come my way as I have been too scared to take that step. To most people who don’t know me you’d look at me and think I’m fine but I’m my mental health some days is hanging on my a thread. I overthink everything I can’t take not being able to do things perfectly and I’m not a people person or team player despite pretending that I am. I feel like a big fake and I worry incredibly for our future. Not sure what to do or where to start.