AIBU to worry my son is struggling with playground games?

[SeaGlassSoul]

Its my son’s second day back at school, he’s just gone into year 3, he got upset yesterday lunchtime (told me when he got home) and then again this morning before they went in, because he doesn’t like getting caught during the game ‘tig’.
The more he gets upset, the more they do it because they know they are getting a reaction.

He’s on the waiting list for an autism assessment which I’m pretty sure he does have.

I don’t want him to lose friends over this, as he is fairly popular and seems well liked, despite the neurodivergent traits.

Obviously his friends will quickly get fed up with his reaction.
I’m going to try and chat with him this evening. But just wondering if anyone has been through similar.

I know it sounds a bit pathetic but it is playing on my mind.

Anyone?

It’s not pathetic at all. My son is ND and at primary school he hated football at play times and would end up just standing around while his friends played, getting cold and feeling left out. It’s really hard knowing your child is going through this day after day. The great thing is that he’s well liked and makes friends. I spoke to the school about this happening, and they created a book club room for playtime’s where kids could go to read, or colour, or play simple games with a TA till break was finished.

Have a chat with the teacher and they can keep an eye out. Getting caught in a game of tig is one thing, but not letting him stop and running after him and 'tigging' him repeatedly when he doesn't like it (as an example) is another. My son is also autistic and whilst he can be the instigator, he can also be the one who gets wound up to no end then snaps and ends up being in trouble or in a meltdown.

Without stating the obvious but has he played those type of games before? Maybe make a social story of games that others play so he understands the 'rules'. Is he used to 'losing' games, I know my friends son hated losing, reacted badly, so all games were rigged so he won. It did him a disservice when he was with other kids.

I think it’s more a case of he is being caught and tigged repeatedly , despite showing upset about it.
I also think the way he reacts means other kids tig him more, as they see they get a reaction from him.

Not sure what the answer is. But I’m going to try and talk to his class teacher, it’s tricky.

He has played the game before they used to play it regularly in year one and two as well.

I think that's fair enough -- his teacher will have a word and hopefully stop the dynamic of him being repeatedly tigged. You could also certainly talk to him about being less reactive about it.

I’m going to ask his dad to talk to him tonight about his reactions. He tends to listen to his dad more than me about things.

I may give it a week or so then speak to teacher, as they’ve only just got back so I’m going to give him some time to settle in a bit maybe?

Have you tried playing tig with him at home?

I'm autistic. I just didn't know how to play in primary school, even Simple games were confusing and overwhelming for me. Explaining the rules did nothing to help me, I just never got it. Maybe playing at home could help? That way you can explain things when he gets upset

That's a good idea, and one of the parents should arrange to be tigged a lot and model ways of responding to that other than being vocally upset.

I would talk to him rather than the teacher. A boy at DS's school was similar, used to cry and moan to staff that he was being "picked on". It's tag ffs. That's the whole point of the game. Teacher made them include him even though they didn't want to, and would tell them off for tagging him, or he would snitch when they tagged him, which made their attitude to him even worse.

He should play the game as it is or, if he really doesn't enjoy it, not play.

I would have a chat to the teacher about what is happening. It may be that he is just struggling with losing and you need to help him with that (we practiced losing with my ds who has ASD) or it may be other kids are tagging him a lot to get a reaction. It's hard if it's the latter - my ds had issues with kids trying to wind him up knowing he would react - we never really stopped it. It was little things like blocking him leaving the classroom for line up, which would cause him to panic about being late. If they were pulled up on it, it was just a joke, but my ds was never laughing...

I get it. I hated playground games. I'm very probably hypermobile and I was never fast enough for tig.

Are there any games that he's good at that he could initiate.
They're are probably variations on tig that make it fairer on those that are slower.

Not specific to your son, but towards the end of Year 2 at my DS school there was so much drama surrounding lunchtime tig that they actually had to put a laminated set of agreed tig rules in the classroom window so it could be referred to at break...I don't think it is just him.

My daughter is Year 8 now and was exactly the same with “tig” and another game at primary where she always cried if other children kept making her be “it”. From what I observed other children would try and explain the rules but she wouldn’t listen, or they would get frustrated with her. She always said that they did it on purpose. Her teachers said she had a choice about how she reacted.

DS has autism, we tell him if he doesn’t like what’s happening in the game, don’t play and go do something else. He was getting upset at being accused of being ‘the imposter’ (when he was the imposter so it was perfectly reasonable!)

From experience, it takes a while for the other kids to get bored of provoking a reaction if they keep getting one, so trying to reduce the reaction (if possible) can be the better option. It went on for weeks with kids provoking DS to a reaction.

My DS is the same age and there were lots of tag-related dramas towards the end of last year. I think the teachers made them stop playing so much because children kept getting hurt (not seriously but things like bumping their heads or tripping over trying to get away from someone). The children also invented increasingly complicated rules which nobody was able to follow and then everyone got cross and upset. I’m pretty sure they’re banned from playing it now! Which is not much help to you but just to say that I totally understand as my DS was also getting very upset over it.