AIBU to expect contact with my children while they are away camping?

[Dolphinoise]

My 2 children have been camping this weekend with their dad since Friday. Contact has been a bit tricky, he left me for another woman and I sent a few nasty messages a few years ago which led me to being blocked. I know I shouldn’t have done it, I was angry and I acted out. Fast forward 3 years I am happy with somebody else and I am still blocked. He can contact me when he likes but not the other way around.

i had a strange voicemail from my ex and his partner in the background was slagging me off saying it’s been 4 days, I don’t know what they have done etc like im not interested?

the kids could have gave me a call, I missed them so much and would have loved to speak to them. Surely she knows im blocked so my hands are tied so not sure what she expects me to do?

Why are you so fixated on what she thinks?

Ideally, if the DC ask to call you during his contact time, he should facilitate that. If they don’t ask then I don’t think he should actively try to get them to do it. If they aren’t asking, that’s a good thing: they feel secure, they’re coping well with two households, they know that you’re going to be there when they get back from their trip.

I dont actually know

It doesn't sound like a great relationship if he's lying to her.

Anyway who cares what she thinks.

Just ignore her. She is nothing to do with your dcs and what she thinks is irrelevant. Your dcs can call you if they want to. That is all that matters.

Part of me probably still dislikes her after what happened, I compared myself to her for so long but I am actually really happy now and wish them luck and actually have no idea what she sees in him!

This would annoy me. Any kind of injustice like this plays on my mind, so I totally understand why its bothering you

This might be why you are still blocked.

I don't mean it unkindly but if you can get so wound up overhearing a comment from her, if you did end up acting on it and texting again whilst angry you could find yourself blocked for longer.

It's shit, not being able to contact your children if you're worrying. Hopefully once the older one has a phone, it'll get a bit easier.

However, your ExH destroyed your family. If it hadn't been her, it'd have been someone else. Blame him.

Get one of those family organizer apps like 'Cozi'. DH and I use them even though we are still together so that we always know what we're doing, as my working patterns are erratic.

That way you don't need unblocking or to be in contact for any other reason than that of the children. Otherwise, only emergency contact is necessary. If he won't take a call you need an alternative number if possible.

His partner is not relevant to this at all. She should be left out of it.

Why do you allow this! Block him!!! He set the rules, you’re following them. I’d block him and tell him if he doesn’t like it he can unblock me.

What a strange message to leave you. I presume because you say your children can contact you that means your children can be contacted by you, ie, you can send them a message?
Anyway, other than that just ignore. You've clearly moved on in a healthy way, your ex and the lady have not. Can't change what other people want to say about you but you're in control of how you react. Just don't let it get to you! A reaction is what they are after.

It doesn't sound like you're happy and moved on, tbf. I don't blame you for still feeling a certain way after what happened, but if you can try to move on and rise abive it (her), you'll have a much more peaceful life!

Sorry to be thick, I’m childfree, but how do you arrange kid stuff if you can’t contact him? It sounds immature on his part, it’s been 3 years.

I think you should leave them in peace to enjoy their holiday. You want to talk them for your sake not theirs.

If he won’t unblock you at least whilst your children are with him, then he doesn’t have them - that’s the line I’d take.

There needs to be open contact in case there is an emergency.

You could always send her an old-fashioned letter!

A house fire could be one example, I agree with you.

I am also wondering how you contact him in an emergency such as child in hospital and very ill?

Or even child has broken leg, not urgent but probably shouldn't wait to tell him.

On the (very) rare occasions, I think it happened 3 times, my ex took our child away for a few days i did not expect contact from them. I wanted them to enjoy the time. Likewise if they went to stay with my mum, the only phone calls were to confirm what time they were coming back to me. I missed them but used the time to rest, do things i needed to get on with and to work

I thought about getting my eldest a phone but he said if she took it with her he would take it away as she isn’t allowed one until she is 10.

yes I probably am still a bit bitter to be fair but my issue is that he is still controlling everything, everything on his terms, he has always been like that.

when we was together he would say things like if you don’t have any expectations you would never be let down and trust me,
towards the end my expectations were pretty much nil.

Could you give your kids a kids smartwatch? One of those ones that can’t access the internet and only take calls from pre-approved numbers, but have GPS

I wouldn’t ordinarily suggest it, but if your ex has you blocked, some way for the children to contact you is necessary

however I wouldn’t actually call during holidays with their dad, just be ready to take a call in case they actively want to call you

Yes I leave them to it, it is something I have just got used to as yet again that is something he has controlled.

if your children do not have a phone then why not get a cheap pay as you go phone give to your ex ask him to get the kids to give you a call once a week or so.
do not rise to the ex partner's stupid remarks

A quick search tells me that a method of contact between separated parents can be legally mandated through a Child Arrangements Order. I would go down that route if I were in your position, OP, it’s not acceptable for you to have no means of getting in touch in an emergency.