Birthday collection dilemma

[KatParr]

Small workplace. Tricky dynamics and slight cliquey-ness caused by working days and all being part time. I had a "special" birthday earlier in year - couple of colleagues got me small gifts etc. Now another colleague is having a major age birthday and a collection has been organised. I've been asked to contribute as haven't so far.

Petty/assertive(??) me: don't contribute and buy own separate gift (I like colleague and she did same for me)

EVEN more petty: as above but make it obvious why.

Virtuous and/or walkover: just shut yer face and contribute then stew about it for several years

(I'm actually quite hurt/annoyed about it, it kind of confirms the popularity contest which I've never taken part in and therefore was never going to win)

N.B I can be over-sensitive.

I’d go with the even more petty option but that’s just me.

Can’t stand workplaces that do things like this, it never ends up being fair. Much better to just not recognise birthdays at all.

I've struggled with this over the years.My significant birthday was ignored but I didn't talk about it every day in the way some colleagues do about their birthdays.I've decided to contribute £5 maximum to any of these collections and keep fivers especially for this.Even when other people are giving crazy amounts like £20 to the man who was moving to the office down the corridor I've given a fiver.I think token amounts are the way to go, should it only be a pound.

It's not really about the amount of money, it's the principle. We normally just do cards. It's such a small place that it can't be oversight but it also makes taking a stand hard as I have to work with them in a tiny open plan office! Much as I’d like to take the flame-thrower of my ire out and let rip.

I don't think it's petty to be hurt. And if the person concerned bought you an individual gift then absolutely I'd do the same, especially for a colleague I really like. You wouldn't get anything out of telling them that you didn't put in to a group collection, and they may feel hurt that their individual gift to you wasn't enough if you raise the point with them.

I think I would tell the person organising the collection why I'm not putting in though.

Just say you’ve already organised your own gift and leave it at that. You’ve said you like this colleague and that she bought you a present, so I can’t see the link between other colleagues not doing a collection for you and you wanting to be “petty” by telling them you aren’t going to donate to this collection because you didn’t get one - the person who this collection is for appears entirely separate from the people who don’t like you.

I would say that I was getting Sandra a gift from myself as that’s what she did for my 40th/50th ….

I'd agree with this approach

I don't understand this dilemma. The collection is for the person you like and who got you a gift. So contribute to the collection. Next time the collection will be for Bob who didn't acknowledge your birthday and you can opt out of that one.

Thanks. I've just done exactly this.

Office birthday cards and collections should be for everybody or nobody.

We're a huge organisation but work in distinct teams, some quite large. There have only ever been e-cards or collections for certain people; card for the Director's gopher, one for her old favourite report and one for her newly-promoted current favourite report, none of which were milestone birthdays. And a milestone birthday collection for the MD who's earning at least 5x the average team salary.

So on the basis that there are plenty of other people who I'd much rather sign a card for who are never on the list, and when I passed my own milestone after 10+ years with the business I got a card from 2 people, I quietly decline all round-robin cards an collections now.

I think just cards.

Special age birthdays or whatever you call them is a nonsense designed to get you to spend more money. Don't fall for such nonsense.

I can see you've decided to go with small personal gift which I agree is the most appropriate.

I am not a fan of work collections particularly if there isn't a rule that applies equally to everyone. Big birthdays are just silly (weddings, babies, retirement more understandable). At my old firm there was a spate of laying on fizz and buffet food when someone had a big birthday. I saw it done for 3 x 40ths and then someone's 30th - she'd only just come back from ML too so had had a collection and send off just months before. My 30th was a couple of weeks later but I had a sneaking suspicion no one would arrange the same for me and sure enough I was right (people definitely knew but my line manager was useless and i was quiet and less "popular"). I was ready for it but it did sting. I'd worked there for 3 years. Some people got more fuss after just a few months!

I'm so glad that I'm effectively free-lance now, and away from this sort of office politics. Not to mention "The most boring night of the year" - the Christmas party.

The last collection I contributed to was for the retirement of my absolutely psychotic ex-boss. When it came to me, I'd already collected about 50p worth of coppers, and dropped them all in. I like to think that when the bursar, her chief brown-noser, counted the money, she wondered who only gave pennies... It was me!!