Almost 4 year old is just awful

[Bringisf]

I’m just so fucking sick of it. I don’t know where I’ve gone wrong but I really have tried my best. I work full time but condensed hours so he doesn’t get into nursery until 9:30 sometimes 10am and is picked up absolute latest 5pm, usually 4:30. He does 4 days only and often I or his dad take a day off so he’s only in 3 days

We do nice things every weekend. He sees grandparents regularly. Ex lives somewhere else but it’s been that way since DS’s birth and he sees ds regularly and they do nice things.

He goes to football and rugby and swimming. We read books and I make him healthy food as far as I can. He has nice treats. We see his friends and he has a great relationship with his cousin of a similar age.

My whole life is pretty much dedicated to him and I work late to ensure he’s in nursery as little as possible whilst also trying to give him a good standard of living and enjoyment. I KNOW I can’t expect a four year old to appreciate that or even understand it but equally he does have a lovely warm bed and lots of cuddles and love and so I don’t know what i am doing wrong.

He won’t get out of the car when we get home, just makes various demands which tonight I haven’t given in to. I know he’s tired but also surely I can’t give in to him demanding all sorts and then refusing to get out of the car? He’s asking what I have bought him today which was a book so I told him and he went mad saying I had ruined the surprise.

I can see him from the porch and we have a very long drive and I’ve parked right by the door so I am not worried about his safety, I can see him. I’ve been out to him a few times but he just makes more demands and starts kicking etc so I’ve just said come in when you’re ready. So far it’s been 22 minutes. How have I managed to bring up a child like this?? Where have I gone wrong? This isn’t normal tantrums is it?

Personally I'd pick him up and bring him in. He's testing your boundaries right now and he's winning you big style. Whether I got kicked or not, he'd be carried under my arm and into the house. I wouldn't negotiate that.

Pick him up and bring him in.
Dd was an angel till she turned ' the fucking fours' . We prefer to forget that year.
They're growing, tired, learning they have autonomy and basically pushing boundaries.
It will eventually pass.

Yes they can be completely awful… 3 is still very little though, it’s normal.

My DS used to struggle with nursery.. it was just very tiring and a lot for him. He seemed fine when he was there but then would completely lose it in the car on the way home. Transitions can difficult. They’ve been trying really hard to do the right things all day and then once they’re home / in the car and relax then it all comes out 🙈

You sounds like a caring Mum juggling lots and doing your very best for your DS.
It does sound like you normally give in to his
“ demands” so this is now what he expects. If you need bribes to get him to undertake a routine part of daily life things are going to get a lot tougher in future.
Does he also expect you to buy him something daily?

For the example you’ve given I’d just have the expectation he gets out of the car but give 2 choices for what happens when you go in e.g.a choice of 2 snacks or 2 activities to give him some control.
As PPs have said he’s probably tired when you get home and you will be too.

He's only 3, a d probably tired,.

You're taking it very seriously. They're not 'demands', he's just emotionally overwhelmed.

My friend used to say the terrible twos lasted from 18 months til 4 years old and I think that is (sadly) correct. Keep trucking 💚

This a huge overreaction on your part, OP. He is being an entirely normal 4 year old. Go to the car and bring him in

It’s normal boundary testing. We did a lot of counting to 3 and then I will “help you” ie pick you up and carry you where you need to be. They eventually learnt to get moving before I reached 2. Or I’d defuse it by asking which side of the car they wanted to get out of or did they want to hop or skip to get inside. The key was they never got what they wanted by arguing, crying or refusing to do something and I didn’t take ages negotiating with them. I bribed only for really unpleasant stuff like medical procedures, not getting out the car. Helped they had a sibling waiting so we just didn’t have time for messing around.

I would physically remove him from the car, bring him inside and go from there. I certainly wouldn’t give him the book until he apologised for being rude.