AIBU to feel a friendship is drifting over different parenting styles?

[Embarrassedmumoftoddler]

One of my close friends and I both had a baby around a similar time but now our boys are toddlers I feel like we are drifting a lot as we parent quite differently.

My friend loves going for brunch or coffee and her son will happily sit in the high chair, whilst my boy gets restless pretty quickly and it ends up being quite stressful really as I’m so mindful of everyone else in the restaurant. I know her whole antenatal group do coffee meet ups a lot so I worry that she is annoyed that my boy won’t tolerate the high chair.

I’ve suggested activities that the boys can do together instead but my friend never seems to enjoy them - e.g she didn’t like the playgroup as the other children there were too loud, I suggested a messy play class but almost immediately she took her son to the bathroom to clean him up and left early. Then recently we went to a national trust type place but it was sunny and my friend fussed constantly about the boys being in the sun & ended up following her son around so he was always in her shadow…

I’ve suggested getting together just us two but my friend works in the week so wants to maximise time with her boy which I do understand but it just feels like we are just in totally different places at the moment even though our children are the same age. I always walk away from our get togethers wondering if she actually had fun and feel awkward when she’s indirectly criticizing the place I’ve suggested (like the other week I felt like I had to apologise that the activity wasn’t in the shade even though it’s out of my control).

Just wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation and if things improved? Part of me is wondering if she just feels better connected to her new mum friends these days.

When mine were this age, we used to get together for coffee or lunch at my house or friends house, the kids could play and if it was nice outside, we'd go in the garden and the kids would be in the paddling pool or sandpit! It's a lot less stressful than a coffee shop or soft play (not much fun when they're very small and you have to follow them about!) and it means you can relax and chat while the kids play.

I felt like this is where you wanted it to go. My best friend had your child and mine was the more laid back one. We managed get together because we wanted to hang out.

She probably thought I didn’t do the fun running around after my son whilst she was doing just that with her dd. Whilst I said a silent thank fuck for my chilled out little man!

Now they are both teenagers and we’re still friends. The kids aren’t. They’re complete opposites! Funnily my ds is the more outgoing one who’s always out and her dd is the more serene and gentle one who’s happy to be at home.

Just let it drop down a gear. You don't have to stop entirely but just have slightly longer gaps between catch ups. Send her messages in between to keep a connection. Things might naturally evolve in a few months.