Phone use in bed - need my sleep!

[parkezvous]

i usually head up to bed before DH, I’ll read or watch something on my iPad. Sometimes I’ll switch off and go to sleep before he comes up or sometimes he will come up and scroll on his phone.
I will always switch off before him as he is a bit of a night owl, I wear an eye mask so the phone light isn’t a bother but on several occasions over the past few months he’s clicked on something and the sound has been turned up and it’s woken me up. Problem is I wake with a jump, then my heart is racing and I really struggle to get back to sleep. He did this a few times and I had a chat with him about it during the day as I find it really disrespectful. He is generally quite a noisy person but this is really driving me insane. Last night he did it again at around midnight, I’d been asleep for at least an hour.
at the time I said that I thought we’d spoken about this, he said it just happens sometimes!
I don’t want separate rooms, but why isn’t he respecting my sleep? Am I just being moany?

I agree that he shouldn’t have anything with any sound on when you are sleeping.

But is it accidental? Does he instantly switch the volume off when it happens? Does he apologise? Does it happen once in a while or every night? I think he can be forgiven if the above things are true. But if he is doing it deliberately and doesn’t immediately switch it onto mute and apologise to you if you have woken up - then yes, this would be disrespectful.

Best sleep hygiene is not to have screens in bedrooms at all, and have a break between screens and going to bed. If he wants to scroll why can’t he do it downstairs and come up later? But of course that would have to apply to you too! Could you suggest a no screens in bedrooms rule, for you both?

I’m sure it’s not deliberate it’s just that he doesn’t think or check the volume. He does instantly switch it off and does apologise. It’s at least once a week. As soon as he comes up if I’m watching something on my iPad I put my headphones in. I think I’m just struggling with the lack of thoughtfulness 😢

Why can't he just mute the volume on his phone before coming to bed @parkezvous ? Any respectful man would do that after the first accident.

I have thought about this. I’d happily do it but I doubt he would. He’s obsessed with Twitter!

These are my thoughts and the fact he just ‘forgets’ really annoys me!

It’s easy to switch sound off on his phone when he goes to bed.

Not doing so, when you’ve asked so you can sleep, is just ignorant and obnoxious.

This would drive me nuts.

Clearly he doesn't care enough to remember, it's not difficult to put the volume down!

Accidental punch to the balls as you are jolted awake might remind him.

Sit with him to set the do not dusturb on his phone to come on at 10pm for 8 hours. But ideally no phones in bed at all. Selfish git

I think you need a no phones in the bedroom rule if this keeps happening- or no
phone while the other person is asleep.

He’s obsessed with Twitter!

😬 that’s a whole other problem, it’s become such an extremist platform

I agree with minipie

No phone usage in bedroom or separate rooms.

Buy him some headphones. Must be worn in bedroom.

This, 100%!

Tell him if he's scrolling videos he must use headphones.

My DH has done this a couple of times and it's made me furious for exactly the same reasons you have - but he took it on board and changed his behaviour. Why won't yours?

I would be absolutely fuming. Once is an accident, twice is an inconsiderate jerk! If you’re feeling petty then wake him up in a similar fashion at 5am and see how he likes it.

I gave my partner an ultimatum - no phone use in bed or we sleep in separate rooms. His choice. He chose to sleep together with phones elsewhere at night. It's better for good sleep habits too.

Sleep in the spare bedroom until he commits to no devices and scrolling in the bed
nothing is worth sacrificing your sleep over

This is a very good idea - thank you

I was so tempted to do this as I woke up at 4am!

This is what’s upsetting me the most.

Thanks all I appreciate the responses