30 year old man who has been with my gf (same age) for almost three years. I’ve never cared or particularly asked about her previous relationships or flings because, amongst other reasons, 1) I find it’s a bit weird/creepy to be put off by someone’s past when you’ve chosen to be with them, 2) there’s nothing you can do to change the past and 3) I’m not the jealous type. On the flip side, she very much is (and has openly admitted to being so) and is very interested in particular to know if I’ve ever had a relationship or fling with any female friend I mention or introduce her to.
Last month we went to a wedding of someone I consider to be a very close friend and the only people I knew there were a couple of old colleagues she hadn’t quite met yet. I thought it would be helpful to explain who is who and try to describe my old colleagues before the gf finally met them. I mentioned one individual (let’s call her Linda for the purposes of this story) and before I could even start describing Linda as a person my gf cut me off asking if I had ever been involved with Linda. I’ve previously told her I’ve never been involved with someone at work before but thought it was somewhat understandable to want to go into what would likely be an intense event (a wedding where you don’t really know anyone) with as much info as possible. Crucially, it’s not the first time she’s been invited to an event involving friends of mine she’s meeting for the first time (bdays, house parties etc) and asked if I had previous history with anyone there. I’ve also never cheated on her or anyone else in the past (she knows this) so she’s never had any reason to be suspicious or anything.
Fast forward a month and last week I was a plus one at a wedding of one of her best friends. Quite a large number of the people there were folks the gf has known for more than fifteen years/since high school. I put in a really good shift pre and post-dinner getting to know/speak to as many people as possible and generally try to be as good a bf as possible.
After we got back to the hotel she mentioned she had something to tell me and that she had a casual on and off fling with one of the guy’s there a year (let’s call him Adam for the purposes of this story) before we had met. Initially I didnt care at all. Why would I when it’s in the past and there’s nothing going on with Adam atm (as far as I’m aware). But the more I thought about it the more it started to annoy me and genuinely upset me. Why was it that every time I took her to an event I was being grilled on whether anyone there was someone I had seen before but she didn’t feel the need to tell me about Adam until after the wedding. I think the only reason she told me about Adam at all is because he still sees/is good friends with some of my gf’s female friends and the gf was likely concerned I may have heard about it already from them which has made me think there’s something to hide/more to the story. After a couple days of thinking about it, it’s made me feel like there’s one standard which she takes with me and another which she thinks applies to her which I don’t think is fair at all. It got me thinking about a couple of other instances (unrelated to previous relationships/flings) where I’m held to a standard which doesn’t apply to her.
AIBU? Should I mention it?