Age appropriate chores

[Goonie1]

As a single working mum of 2, I do absolutely everything and after 10 years, I’m physically shattered 😩

My children get spends every week but I’m thinking of asking them to do some age appropriate chores to help me out for their spends.

What do you think are age appropriate chores for a 12 and 10 year old, both very mature for their ages. And how do you think I actually get them to do these chores? Just asking doesn’t really seem to work without causing them to huff and puff around the house 😩

my AIBU is

YABU to ask kids if this age to do stuff
YANBU - give them some daily and weekly chores

If your children are old enough to talk, then they are old enough to do chores. (Actually they've been old enough for some time).

I wouldn't tie it to money though.

I'm guessing the people who clicked unreasonable are doing so because they can't believe you haven't had them doing chores before?
Getting them involved from preschool, in an appropriate way, is good for them. One day they'll either live alone, or with a partner/room mate, and if they're used to being a prince or princess, that won't go well.
It is completely up to you what method you choose. Many parents give basic minimum chores (sorting washing into piles/hanging up, wiping surfaces in room etc) and extra money for extra chores like emptying and cleaning bins.

My boys are 7 and nearly 11.

Weekly they have to tidy their room
Bring clothes to the washer to be washed
Put away their clean clothes
Eldest hoovers
Their toys are their responsibility to be picked up. I might remind them but I never tidy them
They have to clean the toilet if they leave it a mess. They will be called to rectify e.g. not flushing, wee on seat or skid marks.

They aren't paid for this as it's just part of life. They will do additional jobs as and when often for a small reward especially if tedious e.g. collecting all the windfall apples.

Like others have said, you've made it much more difficult for yourself by introducing this as a thing, about 10 years later than would have been sensible, but obviously YANBU that they should be contributing to the smooth running of the household they live in.

I wouldn't tie it to pocket money though, I always expected my dc to contribute because they live here.

No money for chores here. Kids are 15 and 10. They have been doing chores since they were toddlers (adjusted for age and ability).
What they do right now

• Tidy up their rooms daily, make their beds, help me change sheets once a week.
• They are expected to set out their uniform every evening, school bag, water bottle. When they walk in, they have to put everything away.
• They load and unload the dishwasher when I ask them.
• Older one helps with the recyling (on weekends) and can hoover for me when I need to.
• They bring the laundry down when I ask them to, and over the weekend they can run the laundry (I do a load a day), dry it and put away their own clothes.
• In the holidays, they usually make their own breakfast and put it away. Older one makes lunch a couple of times a week when I am working- a simple pizza with fruit, or pesto/pasta.

So term time, it's just keeping their rooms cleaning, and bringing their laundry down, and taking care of their uniform. DH is responsible for the dishwasher and the bins. He's also responsible for the garden and makes breakfast and supervises the morning shift as it were.
I'm around post school and I'm responsible for dinner and tidying up after dinner. Usually while I'm doing the downstairs, DH will put away laundry with the boys' help and they'll organise their uniforms and bags and tidy up their rooms before bath and bed.

On weekends they load/unload the dishwasher if needed, put away laundry, do the recycling, and might help with hoovering.

In the holidays they do all of the above, but also make their own breakfast and simple lunches if needed.

One last thing- everything in our house has a place and inside the cupboards everything is neatly labelled. So it's always been easy for them to put away their own clothes. I would at first fold and separate and then they would put it away. Now they can fold it on their own.

The same thing was true of books and toys. They know where things to go and so tidy up is relatively quick.

We have a rule that 'no one sits down if one person is still doing chores', and doing it all together really makes things quick. We do have a cleaner once a week but daily chores take a total of 20 mins with everyone chipping in.
This is the cadence of how we do things on most days

Morning DH makes breakfast and unloads the dishwasher. Kids eat, put food away, I am downstairs by then and tidy up and feed the cat.
Whoever is working from home runs the laundry and dries it. Also feeds the cat. If no one was home, then we usually run an early morning washing load and we dry it in the evening.
Post school I make dinner while they do homework, then I do the downstairs clean up, DH puts away the laundry, kids tidy their rooms, and put out stuff for the next day. I run the dishwasher and wipe down the counters.

I think people have the wrong end of the stick….its not like they don’t do anything ever, but it’s been more fluid and very simple stuff that I’ve asked of them on an adhoc basis. I do most things because I’m the adult and their mum. I just feel that now they are a bit older, I wanted to give them daily and weekly age appropriate chores that they have complete ownership over to help me out more and wondered what others were doing for their similar aged children.
I wanted to link it to their spends because I want them to value actually doing stuff to earn their spends rather than just be given their spends for doing nothing.
Some of the posts on this thread make like I’ve made it so they can never function as adults living on their own because I didn’t give them chores to do at 18 months old 😂
They both have always had responsibilities of making sure they have everything for school, bag, books homework done, alarm set so they make the bus etc so they have a sense of responsibility. My 12 year old cooks sometimes when in the mood and does a very good job at it too, so it’s not like they will be lacking life skills!

We’ve done exactly this tonight, sat down, had a chat and listed the things that they can do to help to get their buy in and it seems to have worked. On top of the stuff I had in mind, they’ve both volunteered to do other things too. I’ve told them now we have a list sorted out and they know what they need to do and when, that I won’t be repeatedly asking them to do these things, I won’t “nag” and they said they will just do them without asking. Let’s see how long that lasts!

Do a weekly/daily chore chart when all boxes are ticked they get their pocket money

Basically keep their rooms clean and tidy. They are not too young for doing washing, hanging it out to dry, loading and unloading dishwasher. Dusting.

I wanted to link it to their spends because I want them to value actually doing stuff to earn their spends rather than just be given their spends for doing nothing.

Intrinsic motivation is incredibly important. We don’t get paid to do housework - we do it because we want to live in a nice, tidy house and we’re a family, so we all contribute.

And what do you do if they decide they aren't that bothered about the money so won't do the job? When they think they should have a raise? When they want paying or every job you ask them to do?

My 8 and 7 year old make their beds , not perfectly but they do it all the same. Tidy their room , I clean it. Empty their bedroom bin each week. And they pick up their garden toys after use and put away in garage most evenings.
They get £5 week each for that plus if they want something they are saving for they ask for other jobs . Which can be get washing off the line or small easy jobs. Eldest also walks a relatives dog with them to earn money.

I was quoting the OP.

Mine are 11 and 13. On a daily basis the main chore is the washing up - we don't have a dishwasher! Also general tidying / cleaning up after themselves - washing in laundry basket, shoes on shoe rack, towels and dressing gowns hung up after use - that kind of stuff. They help with clearing the airers and sorting the washing as and when.

Weekly they hoover (whole house), change the bedding (4 beds, I do help with the superking), clean the bathroom (I do the toliet which is separate) and on a more ad hoc basis they run errands (IE: drop library books back, pick up bits at the supermarket, go to the post office). Eldest is about to have a crash course in ironing!

Cooking is also something I really want / need to work on teaching them. They make their own breakfasts and lunches at weekends but term time I tend to do it for speed / space in kitchen etc.

I have a younger DC too but they have SEN so they help with paring socks, keeping toys tidy, managing their own school stuff etc. Small things that encourage independence.

We don’t pay for chores. They are part of the home and everyone pitches in. We don’t want to teach our kids that you only need to do something if there’s something in it for you.
We also have a rule that there isn’t only one person running around doing everything- everyone helps.

My dc is 10yo and makes his bed and tidies room, loads the washing machine, unpacks dishwasher daily. I fold laundry and he packs his away and his little sisters.

every night while dh and I tidy kitchen and other areas, the kids tidy up the living room , toy areas and their rooms. In 15 min, with everyone pitching things move very quickly.
It’s just become normal for them to do a chore. But you need to start young and set good examples for them.

We don’t pay for chores. They are part of the home and everyone pitches in. We don’t want to teach our kids that you only need to do something if there’s something in it for you.

This, 100%

Completely get that but also want to teach them they don’t get money for nothing too, so need to find some kind of balance