My son has recently turned 14 and has been asking me if can use Snapchat. I have blocked this app on his phone as I was concerned about explicit content being shared as well as cyber bullying which I have seen can be a problem with snapchat amongst teens. After doing some research I found that snapchat controls are fairly weak for example even with a teen account they do not prevent his friends or him sending explicit content by direct messages. I am not necessarily worried about this with him right now but he has become increasingly secretive with his phone especially his Whatsapp. I have controls on his phone and electronics but he often tries to bypass this by accessing my phone and changing time limits or allowing unlimited access to certain apps on the parental control app on my phone. I often have to change my phone pin but him and his brother play this game where they try to work out my new password/pin and i have to change it every few months. His laptop had to be reset this year and instead of putting me as the administrator which would allows me to monitor what he is doing he has put himself as the administrator. I have told him that a condition of me allowing him snapchat is that he has to delete his account on the laptop and set it up again with me as administrator. He has resisted so far. He also periodically downloads vpns on his phone which means he can get around the restrictions I have put on his Google account anyway Honestly I am just fed up with the whole thing as I feel I am in a cyber war with someone who is better skilled then I am at navigating around restrictions.
He is overall doing very well at school and is polite and helpful at home. However, he has very antisocial behaviours with people in person. He covers his mouth when he speaks and mumbles very fast which makes it difficult to hear him. He also can be standoffish and rude when he meets new people. I put this down to him maybe struggling to make friends or being bullied both of which he has said is not happening (i.e. he has plenty of friends and isn't being bullied) however something is telling me he is holding something back. There are no obvious signs he is struggling socially with peers except that when I see him in photos or in person at school he tends to be quiet and keep to himself. He had a party recently and was also very resistant to inviting certain people to his party who he had been friends with in past years and also about inviting too many people. Anyway the point of all this is that I thought adding Snapchat might help him socially as more of his peers use it then whatsapp. I blocked him from downloading or playing fortnite until he was 13 and he claims that by the time I allowed him to use it no one was playing it anymore. When I have monitored his whatsapp messages particularly in group chats the boys do have a tendency to roast each other and take mugs (photos of the person when they dont expect it or extremely close ups of their face). I routinely have to get him to delete photos of his brother and cousins which he takes without consent as mugs and apparently this is funny.
I am just confused whether I am being fair to him to ban him from Snapchat. I was hoping to keep him off until it gets banned next year but I don't want him to suffer socially. He is going into year 10. Aibu?