To be fed up with these excuses

[DandelionCup]

My ex is always coming up with reasons why he can’t see the kids, “it’s raining” is often one of them. He will often go months without seeing them then pop back up again. The most recent one, he was too fat to see them and was struggling to take them out? (His words not mine) He has gained weight since we split but he is by no means morbidly obese, he is still able to get around and I think taking the kids out would help him be active if he is struggling with his weight (thats not an insult I am not slim myself) AIBU to be fed up with these excuses?

YANBU to be fed up with the excuses, but there is sweet FA you can do about them. You wont change him, you cant change him, just do right by your children and let him live his (deadbeat) life as he wishes.

Don't spend too much time thinking about him and his excuses, hes pathetic, its in yoyr rearview. Now youve only got to make sure that his deadbeat ways dont negatively impact your children.

He sounds an absolute waste of space. At least he isn’t able to negatively influence them much.

Don’t blame you for being utterly pissed off but there is nothing you can do about it. How much notice does he give you that he isn’t turning up? How are the kids managing being let down by their dad?

Wat an arse. Are the kids an age to understand how ridiculous the 'reasons' are? He should be the one to tell them he can't. I would resist the temptation to bad mouth him, but would not be making any excuses. I hope he is at least contributing financially OP.

He is useless. He’ll never change. I assume that’s why you dumped him.
It really annoys me when people make up ridiculous excuses just to get out of doing something they should be doing as a grown up.

He doesn’t tell them he isn’t coming it’s me he tells to pass on the message and they have learned that he probably just isnt going to come when he says he is. The overweight excuse just shocked me as there are plenty of overweight parents and it’s not an excuse to not see your Kids. And he doesn’t give much or any notice it’s usually on the day (especially the raining one)

How old are your children?
Are they old enough to know dad thinks he's too fat to visit?
Or does he want you to cover his fat arse and lie to them?

Ive not told them yet, they are 11 and 8.
I just don’t know whether to even mention it, it’s so ridiculous

Ugh the excuses are pathetic.
Can you stop telling the kids when he's supposed to get them? And ask him to just give you an hours notice or something if he is planning to get them - so they don't get disappointed?

Also if he's meant to have them overnight and doesn't take them anymore, I'd be straight back to increase CMS. Sure it might not be much but it might piss him off.

I suppose the truth is they must already know he can't be relied on.
Go with whatever version is least hurtful for them.

I would pass on the message - accurately.

“sorry kids, dad has asked me to say he can’t have you today because it’s raining”

”sorry kids, dad has asked me to tell you he can’t have you today because he’s too fat”

Of he wants the message passed on then do it. Fully. Including the reasons.

Your kids are old enough to hear the truth. Just don’t elaborate that you think the reason are stupid (because they are!

They'll figure it out for themselves at 8 and 11.

YANBU but there’s nothing you can do unfortunately.

He won’t have them overnight anyway as he has no space, thats what he meant by taking them
out he said it’s too tiring as he is overweight. He tells them directly that he is coming down to see them.

He tells them directly that he is coming down to see them.

Then he can tell them when he’s not coming and the reason why. He sounds a waste of space.

Pathetic excuses from a pathetic waste of space. YANBU to be fed up with his excuses. As has been said there's nothing you can do other than to be there for your DC.

Is he just a prick or do you think he might have mental health problems? (Not trying to make excuses for him BTW, just trying to figure out what the best approach would be for the kids because it completely isn't fair to be continuously having them hurt).

Realistically the 11 year old you could sit down and say "I know your Dad said he's coming but he cancels alot so don't get too excited, I'll never stop ye going but sometimes he might not be able to come"

Not to excuse him... but to try to ease your kids pain.

Send him a message that says, 'As you've decided that you are now "too fat" to see your DC, and bearing in mind the fact that Autumn is coming and your previous excuse to not see them was 'it is raining' I think it best if you pursue formal child visitations arrangements through the courts. It is distressing for the children to have you mess them around like this and to have you turn up or not unexpectedly and at your own convenience. I will wait to hear from your legal advisor, but until then will not expect to have any more contact with you'.

Take all power to piss about away from him. It will be much better for your children if he goes months without seeing them. Don't allow him to continue doing this.

If his weight is affecting his health that much, he needs to see a GP. And raining, well what did he expected when he chose to have kids and live in Britain? That it would magically be sunny because he'd procreated?

Im not sure if he has mental health problems, he didn’t have when we were together and hasnt mentioned any now so I don’t want to assume, his weight doesnt stop him from going out with his friends though so I assume he’s just not that bothered