AIBU to feel hurt by family joking about me behind my back

[HollyBerri]

Aibu to be annoyed by this or am I over reacting?
Big family gathering recently, everyone laughing & having a great time.
My daughter saw my sisters family, her dh & adult children laughing at a picture which they shared in their family what’s app which was taking the piss out of me. It was comparing me to a very unflattering picture of someone famous. She challenged the one she saw & they said it was just a joke so my dd said well show it mum then she will find it funny. They didn’t but to be honest on the night we would have all laughed about it as there was lots of banter. I would definitely have found it funny.
I thought we had all had a good time & have been trying to make more of an effort to keep in touch etc. Dd kept telling me not to bother & last night told me why.
Now it feels a bit nasty & snidy like they were doing it behind my back. Dd says it feels to her like they were laughing at me behind my back.
i don’t know whether to say something.

Don’t mind them. They’re immature. Some families openly slag each other and that’s okay as long as everyone is confident.
I would tell them that they hurt your feelings.

Thanks for replying- i know at the time i would have found it funny but it most feels a bit nastier not being open about it. I know it pissed Dd off.

Which celeb?

It’s in the past, presumably they were drinking and in high spirits and you said you’d have found it funny. I’d tell DD it’s kind of her to have your back but it’s not worth raising to them.

Is hearing this from your DD making you see it through younger eyes? When I was a teen I was insecure and not as well equipped to manage banter. As an adult I wouldn't be bothered at all by someone laughing at an unflattering photo, you've said yourself you would've laughed if there so they've not done something that they think would be deeply offensive to you.

If you were able to laugh at yourself, then it’s no issue really. All sounds a bit immature from DD. Not a fan of banter but if that’s your family dynamic, this isn’t out of the ordinary and possibly you were not the only one on the receiving end. You have to give and take with banter don’t you? If this is your family, I don’t see how complaining will change anything!

i decided not to say anything. It was a really bad picture - a male celeb in awful drag. Im female. Dd is an adult. I told a friend who knows us all & she agreed it was out of order & couldnt really see what they were laughing at.
i think i was most a bit annoyed & perplexed why they would do this when everyone else was laughing & having a brilliant time. Ill stop posting on the family thread. When i said we had banter its usually a lot more light hearted. I personally would never take the piss out of someone’s appearance- i don’t find it funny. I can’t imagine other sibling doing it either.

The picture does sound pretty awful and not very humourous. Hurtful rather than funny. Your daughter saw the picture, saw their reaction and made her judgement based on that. Support her. Your friend has also reached the same conclusion.
Now that you have been able to see it and evaluate it, you agree it was not funny. Your BIL, nieces and nephews disrespected you and your daughter when she challenged them. Their refusal to show it to you when she asked them shows they knew they were out of order. Banter is never intended to be hurtful.