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AIBU?

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AIBU to take a toy back from an older child?

23 replies

FTMaz · 28/08/2026 21:56

Just interested on peoples thoughts on this. My DS is 2 1/2 I am a teacher and regularly teach him to share, not get too bothered over other kids playing with toys he wants etc. Today we went to a soft play and there was child I would say around 4 playing near my son. He was playing with a blue teddy bear on his own. This girl was collecting the other bears (about 6-8) in a basket. She took the blue one from my son and put it in her basket. He immediately started to cry and started saying ‘my bear please’ I went over to console him and he was saying he wanted the bear. I told him to let her have a turn and then ask for it back. After a couple of minutes I encouraged him to go up to her and say my turn please and take the bear ( he is used to this) he went over and did this but the girl refused, he then grabbed the bear and this resulted in a tugging between them, he lost as of course she is bigger. He then came back to me and asked me to ‘help’ him. I went up the girl and explained about sharing briefly and asked if we could have the bear back. She said no…so….i took it! This resulted in her crying but I just walked off. I couldn’t even work out who her parents were to say anything to them. This was really out of character for me but I did feel that as she had all the other bears and it was taken from my son it was the right thing to do. When I put my son to bed tonight he recounted what had happened today and ended by saying ‘mommy helped me’. It does make me think about if I hadn’t had got the bear how he would have processed it. I know I am probably massively over thinking this but making another child cry did not make me feel good and it felt petulant but I also wanted to back up my kid. Interested to know thoughts.

OP posts:
Blimms · 28/08/2026 21:58

You’re overthinking this.

Lmnop22 · 28/08/2026 21:58

I think snatching a toy from a 4 year old teaches your son the opposite of sharing. It teaches him that bigger people win arguments over toys 😳

nomas · 28/08/2026 21:59

YANBU. She snatched it off him, you let her have a turn and took it back. Your son sounds very cute and happy that you helped him.

NeedAbout36HoursADay · 28/08/2026 21:59

Tbh you should have stepped in as soon as she took it - just taken it back and said with a big smile "oh thank you but DS is still playing with that one, you can keep all the others though".

BigWig78 · 28/08/2026 21:59

You would have been better to stop it at the start when she first took it rather than telling him to let her have a turn tbh.
“sorry- Ben is playing with the blue bear just now. Look you have lots of bears already so blue bear is for Ben just now. Thank you”. And taken it back then.

Instead you were more of a bully than she was as she’s an actual small preschool
child and you’re an adult who took a toy off her and made her cry. Ffs some teacher you must be!!!

Chamomileteaplease · 28/08/2026 21:59

The girl took the bear off your son. I think you should have got it back off her straightaway.

What are you teaching him, that he "shares" stuff that people snatch off him?

AutumnAllTheWay · 28/08/2026 22:00

Tiny incident, you did the right thing.

She'll survive!

Anarchy99 · 28/08/2026 22:02

So you made a child who is probably not even school age cry, despite being a teacher?

AintNoPunshineWhenShesGone · 28/08/2026 22:03

Christ what a lot of overthinking.

You Should’ve just taken the bear back the minute she grabbed it.

What does the nearby 4 year old have to do with it btw?

Maray1967 · 28/08/2026 22:05

I can’t stand the habit some DC have of picking up every toy in a set and wanting to have them all. I would have said you can’t take them all, that’s not fair - and yes, I would have taken it off her. I once took some toy cars away from a child in a campsite toddler play area. They were actually ours, but mine have been taught to share (unless it’s with a kid who destroys toys) so it was fine for him to have two of the four - but he then took the two my DS was playing with, so I took those two off him. When he repeated it, I took them all off him and told him off. He was older than DS, probably about five - old enough to know not to do that. Again, no parent in sight.

CheeseWisely · 28/08/2026 22:10

In an ideal world as PPs said you’d have taken it back right away, but I know I’d have done the exact same thing as you in the moment. DS is similar age to yours and we’re big on teaching sharing (including letting other kids have a turn with something he’s playing with in a shared space, and hoping they’ll give it back for ‘his turn’).

Don’t give it another thought, the older child would hopefully have better understanding that they just claim every toy than a toddler, and if not should have a parent or carer hovering to supervise.

SquirrelBalloon · 28/08/2026 22:10

AintNoPunshineWhenShesGone · 28/08/2026 22:03

Christ what a lot of overthinking.

You Should’ve just taken the bear back the minute she grabbed it.

What does the nearby 4 year old have to do with it btw?

The 4YO was the bear collecting child…

I would have modelled/encouraged your son to ask for the bear back straight away.

ColdAsAWitches · 28/08/2026 22:32

You should have acted at the time instead of waiting. What you did was reinforce the lesson that bigger people get what they want!

user293948849167 · 28/08/2026 22:49

Yeah I think a “sorry he’s playing with this one just now, you can play with all the others” would have been better.
He doesn’t have to let other children snatch toys off him, that’s not really sharing

FTMaz · 28/08/2026 22:52

Yea I think those saying should have acted at the time are correct. I guess I was hoping her parents may notice and intervene. It does wind my up that lots of parent seem to just abandon their kids in these shared play places.

Also to clarify I am a secondary school teacher and pretty much clueless when it comes to interacting with small children 😂

OP posts:
JustGiveMeReason · 28/08/2026 23:37

NeedAbout36HoursADay · 28/08/2026 21:59

Tbh you should have stepped in as soon as she took it - just taken it back and said with a big smile "oh thank you but DS is still playing with that one, you can keep all the others though".

This.

You've just made it look like you go round taking toys off children the way you did it, and taught your ds
a) it is okay to let anyone take your things / the thing you are using
b) the bigger person (first the child then you) has the right to take whatever they want, regardless of whether the small person (first your ds, then the other child) wants them to take it or not.

HeathisWealth · 29/08/2026 00:54

Next time you tell her to wait until he is finished and then it's her turn. Advocate for your child. I used to be exactly the same as you (teaching my child to share!) until a woman at a toddler group pointed out that my child was always the one sharing and was their needs and wants not as important as all the other kids? It was a lightbulb moment. So after that, I would explain to the other child they could have it when my child had finished and I taught my child to take it to them and hand it over (sharing), but only when they had played with it.

GaIadriel · 29/08/2026 03:22

I agree you should've nipped it in the bud. She would've likely objected less at that point and it would've been a case of her coming over and snatching it rather than you going over and snatching it.

Charliecatpaws · 29/08/2026 03:46

Anarchy99 · 28/08/2026 22:02

So you made a child who is probably not even school age cry, despite being a teacher?

Seriously? I bet your a “gentle parenting” person

Topseyt123 · 29/08/2026 04:02

You should have stepped in and taken the toy bear back the moment the girl first took it from your son. Why didn't you?

You aren't teaching your son to play nicely here, you are teaching him to be a doormat and always let bigger people boss him around/have what they want.

PollyBell · 29/08/2026 04:09

I would have dealt with it at the time and moved on, this ia way overthinking

Anotherslicedear · 29/08/2026 04:34

Chamomileteaplease · 28/08/2026 21:59

The girl took the bear off your son. I think you should have got it back off her straightaway.

What are you teaching him, that he "shares" stuff that people snatch off him?

This

Catsbumface1 · 11/09/2026 21:39

She was being greedy you did the right thing

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