AIBU for refusing a house on a roundabout or a flat?

[Sheequi]

I’m married with an 18 month old and another one due next year. We sold my little flat earlier this year and currently live with my mum so that we can save and be chain free.

We are now house hunting but having disagreements on where to live. DH really liked a house on zoopla, but the house is practically on a roundabout and there’s no parking. Living on a roundabout is a hard no for me. He was really disappointed. DH also wants me to be open to living in a flat but I don’t want a flat to be my forever home and I envision raising my family in house. We can afford to buy a house. We had a big argument tonight, he thinks I’m being picky and not compromising. Is he right?

'We sold my flat'

For your deposit?

Yanbu

Hard no on the flat with two young children. If you can give them some outside space they will love it and why wouldn’t you.
Flats right now are also really tedious due to SC and GR increases - why would you want to spend money on that with a small, young family.
Keep looking but you need to prioritise what you want so you can search for the same. Schools? Outside space? Potential to extend / renovate? Near local shops or great transportation links? Commute to work? Also you’re going into quiet season - less houses will be on the market now until spring. Good luck!

I imagine he is frustrated by the lack of an end point to your current living arrangements. Having to live temporarily with in laws whilst navigating the very stressful change from one child to two would be my personal idea of hell. I would also have a "this will do" approach to house hunting in those circumstances.

You are coming from a completely different angle as presumably you do not mind living with your mum and are willing for that to go on for as long as it takes. I don't think you necessarily have to accept a house you hate but I think you need a deadline - perhaps the end of this year - to make a decision to accept something, sooner if possible as it sounds like you will be moving with a small baby otherwise?

Also are you sure you can afford a house you want? If one isn't on the market now, is it definitely realistic?

YANBU about the roundabout.

YAB a little bit U about the flat- as I would definitely consider some flats with kids (some have more usable space than houses and some have gardens), so I might consider looking at a few, but if none are suitable then that’s it really.

I'd avoid flats myself. No issues with flats in general. I was brought up in one and loved it - no internal stairs so very safe for a child and there was a great communal playground in the courtyard and a huge park directly across the road. However, the whole leasehold situation is less than ideal for me. So I would never...
House on the roundabout with no parking also doesn't sound practical. Unless it's a mini roundabout on a quiet road and you only have one car in the household.
I wouldn't say you are picky. Seems sensible to start with the perfect house and work down from there if it turns out to be unaffordable. I personally had to compromise on having a big garden and parking but the house itself was perfect otherwise.

I imagine he’s fed up of living with his mother in law.

I also have to ask why on earth the pair of you decided to have another baby when you don’t have a home of your own.

Some flats are ok. Roundabout is not.

are you really looking for a “forever home”? These days, jobs and homes don’t always last that long. Look for something that works for the next 5-7 years and then upgrade.

I have lived close to a major roundabout and wouldn’t again. I would also avoid a flat with small kids.

what do you agree on property wise?

If you're providing the majority of the funds for the new property from the sale of your old one, I'd make sure it's legally ringfenced in case of divorce.

Your DH is being unreasonable, you need a property suitable for a family, if you can afford a house with a garden and parking, then that's what you should be aiming for.

My flat is amazing.
Spacious ground floor with a lovely, private garden, but not many are like that.
Sounds like your partner is desperate to be out of your parents'!

More context needed

Are you both living together with your mother
Whose money is the new property going to be bought with?
You say you can afford a house outright? What sort of house and where in the country.

Nothing wrong with a flat, this is how people all over Europe tend to live, largely speaking, its how its set up, and what type of lifestyle you want from it. Here, flats tend to not have dining rooms which I think is a necessity. They also can have high service charges so you need to look at that. However maintenence is then managed by someone else

Parking is a must in my view.

The issue with the roundabout, well that depends on what you mean. If you mean like a flat on the equivalent of Hyde Park Corner or Elephant and Castle (the old one), then no, if you mean a flat on a road where theres a mini roundabout, then perhaps, it really depends on the road.

Weird all this quizzing about whose money it is. They’re married so it’s shared assets/money.

Stop the forever home chat. Write a list of non negotiables. Get on right move and crack on with something.

are you going to ringfence your deposit

I think you're right, I assumed a partner as Im not married so seem to assume others arent, I missed that they were married.

So unfortunately shared money.

Maybe stop thinking about this house being your forever home

YABU to think that you can buy your forever house at this stage in your life. You need to compromise somewhere - staying with your mum is great but not long term. So think about what’s important for now and stop looking for the perfect thing forever.

Also, if we have learned one thing from Phil and Kirstie over the years, it’s that you can’t effectively house hunt online. Do you know the roundabout in question? It might be fine or a nightmare, but a map or an estate agent photo won’t tell you.

He doesn’t sound very practical.

How much are you each putting into the deposit?

I think you will regret buying anything that has no parking facilities.