Am i being unreasonable

[LovingBlueDog]

My DS had 2 friends over. (One of which tried to convince him before to sneak out to the super at 11pm see my other posts for that)
We were all playing a board game and I won, this friend calls me a c.u.n.t. I immediately demanded an apology and asked the parents to pick him up explaining what he did. His parents are both furious and take away his electronics amd demand he apologise again.

My DS is having an early birthday party and sleepover and he’s asked if this friend can come.
Am I being unreasonable to say no?

How old is the child? Tbf no you’re not being unreasonable! I would NEVER call my friends parents that even as a teenager! That’s so bad he felt comfortable enough to do it 😩

You are totally justified in saying no. I hope you stand your ground and refuse to have him in your house again for any reason.

Did he apologise? If so, I would consider the matter closed. Otherwise what is the point of an apology?

WTAF

Buzzfeed etc say that often Americans recoil in horror at the way British people use this word in a jokey way, so depending on his background, might not be seen as bad. They used to say don't worry if someone called you that in Glasgow-they said watch out if someone calls you pal instead.
Obviously fine to say you're not ok with it, and that people feel different ways about the word so best not to use it, but as he's said sorry, move on and start afresh.

@Pistachiocake The word Pal coming from a Glasweigan is usually accompanied with a menacing snarl so there is no mistaking the intent, most teens wouldn't call their friends parents a cunt though. Even as a term of endearment.

It's not obligatory to accept an apology otherwise people would be free to do all sorts of horrible stuff to each other as long as they apologised afterwards. Added to which, this is not the first time this boy has caused problems in OP's house.

Anyone who calls you cunt should never be allowed to cross your threshold again.

Stay firm, let DS see that you mean business about his friends behaviour.

This isn’t America (do you mean the USA?).

It’s a terrible swearword to say to your friend’s mum. Why justify it?

Yeah yanbu to not want to

Although it depends on the kid. I picture a socially awkward teen not thinking before he speaks. And he has been punished

If he were to apologise again upon entry, id let it go. Kids are stupid.

It's not obligatory but then why ask for one to begin with? Twice...

He’s is 12 same age as my DS

As he is 12 and the parents reacted properly I would think it was pre-teen brain doing something immensely stupid. It was horrible and brainless but at that age cutting him some slack can go a long way towards nudging him back to reasonable behaviour

You can be a parental ally here. I’m encouraged that his parents did react. If you let him come to the party the message is, we all know what you did, you have been shown in no uncertain terms that it was wrong, let’s draw a line under it and move on because that’s what adults do. Developmentally it’s probably not helpful to keep punishing immature kids for the idiot things they have done once they have apologized.

For the record, a friend of our daughter’s once stole a set of our house keys and entered our house when we were on holiday (she was also around 12). Apologies made and accepted. She has grown up to be a lovely and responsible woman with a job that requires a lot of integrity, and I have no doubt that she manifests that integrity every day. I don’t think that punishing her beyond the initial punishment would have had a better effect.

He’s apologised twice and his parents have further disciplined him. I would think he doesn’t know the full implication of that word (though sounds like he knows the consequences now), and was parroting an expletive he’s picked up from wherever? He knows that you won’t tolerate poor behaviour in your home, and likely your son and the other friend(s) know that too. I don’t think there’s much to be gained from denying your son his friend at the birthday.

i know he’s apologised but it’s the principle. My son wouldn’t go to his house and call his mum that

At 12 he shouldnt have called you cunt however it is odd your playing board games with them. At that age they do there own things together when friends are round.

He’s apologised and been disciplined by his parents. I don’t think it’s up to you to discipline him further- maybe the word just slipped out?
I’d give him another chance but any more bad behaviour this time and that’s it

And what about this child trying to persuade the OP's out at 11pm?

I wouldnt feel comfortable with this child in my house. I wouldn't want to responsible for them and when they might do something reckless, or for other children who might ne at risk.

You can say who is allowed and not allowed in your house regardless. I wouldn't be having a 12 year old back in my house after calling me a cunt no matter how much he apologised.

I have been called that multiple times as a term of endearment - never by a child and wouldn't allow anyone to call my child that either. Never even heard my own say it (I know they do but they are smart enough not to do it in front of me).

Absolutely not. Horrific.

It’s no excuse but he might not have realised the gravity of the word for some people. In certain regions it can be used in an endearing way whereas some people think it’s the most offensive word you could ever utter. At 12, he will have known it’s a bad word but maybe in his mind akin to shit. He was obviously very wrong but he did apologise and his parents sound decent enough. I’d probably give the kid the benefit of doubt.