AIBU to avoid Year 6 school and continue homeschooling?

[WhichSchoolOrNoSchool]

DS9 is homeschooled, due to unmet additional needs in school and having an area where he excels that requires a lot of practice time.

He is AuDHD with PDA tendencies and is borderline for Auditory Processing Disorder. Our school system (not in the UK) provides zero support for academically able but neurodivergent kids, and expects them to function as well as neurotypical kids. There are strict, punitive rules around behaviour and attendance and the government has recently announced an entirely exam-based system of qualifications with an overstuffed curriculum. Most neurodivergent kids do very poorly in school and many drop out with no qualifications already: the new curriculum and assessment will make this much worse.

I had planned to send DS back to school for Year 6. He needs more time round other people, and less time with me acting as his frontal lobe/executive functions. Academically he'd be fine (he's 2/3 of the way through Year 5 English/Cambridge curriculum, which is miles ahead of local year 5). It would be mildly detrimental to the "good" exceptionality because he'd be tired for practice time, but not disastrously so.

I am tired and the house is a mess and I'd love some time to sort out the years of paperwork and outgrown clothes and darning/mending, and all things that need fixing round the house. And I'd like to go back to work somehow.

However, the main reason to send DS back to school for Year 6 is so he could potentially get into a good private school for Year 7. It's small, supportive, friendly, reasonably academic, and has a wide range of subjects that DS9 would love to do.

But the only school that will take him for Year 6 is an open plan collaborative school where the kids all sit on the floor and work in groups on iPads. It is hellishly noisy and chaotic, and is chronically understaffed, with one teacher to two full year groups as the norm. I have tried literally every other school in our town of 130,000 and every single one has said they're full.

I predict that if DS goes there he's going to spend all day failing to process the overwhelming sensory and social environment, and he'll be losing it completely at home and probably eventually at school as well. I also think it'll be a disaster for him academically.

We can't really afford to move house to an area with a better school - many local schools are like ours.

I think trying to get into Y7 at the private school straight from homeschooling probably won't work.

But I also think Year 6 at our local school won't work.

Do I just give up and resign myself to homeschooling through A levels?

Have you contacted the head of the private school to ask? In the UK I teach in a secondary school and students have come to us in y7 having been homeschooling.

i have been in a similar situation. I actually wish I had home schooled from day 1. However work/costs made this impossible. Could you try the private school for yr 6? If he has an ehcp do not deregister if you still want to try for the private school. Keep him at home and fight it. Could you rent your home out and move to rented in a different area. In my area there are a few small schools set up for Sen needs that still obtain GCSEs etc.

@Strawberrymilkshakez Unfortunately we're not in the UK. There aren't any EHCPs here. Also no SEN schools other than for the profoundly intellectually disabled. Private school starts at Year 7.

I'll look into the idea of renting out/ moving to a better area, though we have very little time to make that a reality.

@WonderingWanda It probably makes sense to do that. Though I do wonder if admitting that DS wouldn't cope in the local primary school is likely to result in him not getting into the private school either.

If you can afford private school can’t you pay a tutor to teach DC at home part two f the week? That would ensure he’s at the correct standard and give you some free time. If they won’t interact with a tutor, how will they cope with school?

Visit the private school and talk to them to find out if your DS has a chance to get in and what they are looking for. Uk private schools aren’t only looking for kids who pass the exams but also ones who fit into the class well etc. but also admission is much less competitive than they say. If you can pay, a kid often gets a place.

would the yr 6 school do a part time schedule of 2 or 3 days per week so your DS learns “coping in a big school” for 2 days and then “academic lessons at home with mum” for the other 3 days?

@Rocknrollstar a tutor would be great, but something like 10 hours a week at $50 an hour is somewhat more expensive than the private schools round here, which is why I haven't done it!

I do at least know he's at the correct standard because he's doing a UK-based correspondence school that requires him to submit work every week or two and do daily work.

@WhichSchoolOrNoSchool I would downplay that and just explain homeschooling had been working well but as you weren't able to get a place in the school of your choice you felt it best not disrupt things that were going well.....getting used to a new setting and new people and then a year later needing to do it again.

What does he want to do? If he’s amenable suggest trying the school for a month and if it isn’t working he can return to home schooling.

I think you need to visit the private school and (i) Make sure as much as you can that it is the right place for him (no point agonizing over getting him accepted if it is not) and, if so, (ii) Work out exactly what will help him get a place e.g. what are the admission criteria and can you direct your home education this year to passing any entrance exams. I would be loathe to send him to an unsuitable school that runs the risk of him melting down there. Once a child gets a behavioural record a private school is very likely to refuse admission regardless of how academically brilliant they are (OK we only enquired about one but that was the outcome)

Where do you live?

Why dont you trial the school and see how he finds it. Socially it would be a good idea if you're planning for him to attend secondary. If doesn't workout you have at least tried. Do you socialise with other honeschoolers?

Are there any better schools that you can travel to, e.g. in the next town? It might be worth it if it's for just a year.

@OneInEight I totally agree about the likelihood of a behavioural record coming from the local school, and the likely effect of not getting into the private high school. We've already visited the private school and it's definitely the best of the options for high school where we live. It doesn't have entrance exams, just a written application. But your CV needs to be fairly polished, and you need good references from teachers, comunity leaders, etc. DS can do the glittering multi-page hobby-based CV, excellent references from hobby teachers and minister at the local church, but what he doesn't have is any references at all from school teachers. I'll send him to cubs next term to try to given him a structured social context that isn't school.

@Sereine our next town with more than one school is 350km away...

@Dandeloosha and @Wingingit73 I agree that if the long term plan is homeschooling, giving school a go is absolutely sensible. The reason I'm wondering though is that if the (clearly unsuitable) primary school doesn't work out (and it has a high chance of not working out), then that's the end of the idea of going to a worthwhile secondary school where DS could possibly thrive. The alternative (state) high schools are awful and DS would probably end up dropping out from those.

What specifically would the year in state school give him that he needs for the private school?

if it is “just” a reference from a school teacher then it seems likely him spending year 6 in the school will not lead to a good reference.

can his correspondence school do a reference?

@Octavia64 he really needs a reference from a class teacher saying he functions well in a classroom setting. I agree that the local school is very unlikely to provide this.

Correspondence school doesn't seem to do references, as all they see is written work, so while he has a couple of tutors, he doesn't really have any relationship with them other than them commenting on essays and assignments.

I'll start looking into the one online school option (at $36,000 a year, sigh) which might at least provide some positive (online) classroom context...

"He needs more time round other people, and less time with me acting as his frontal lobe/executive functions. "

This is the part of your post that stands out to me. How much time around other people will he get if you continue to home educate?

@FedUpCelery I agree. Which is why I want him to go to the high school. The question is whether the awful primary is going to wreck that option though

In the U.K. group tutoring is a thing - one tutor and a small group of students. Mainly for the 11+ plus but does also exist for GCSEs and more general suppprt.

would this provide a reference from a teacher in a teaching environment? Wouldn’t be whole class but is probably cheaper than online school.

uk based online schools are cheaper than 36k dollars per year also if he speaks English