AIBU to worry about my daughter's first serious relationship?

[Whattooooodooooo]

My DD17 is seeing an 18 year old boy who is looking likely to become her first proper boyfriend. He was 1 year above at her school (he has just left after taking his A Levels). I've not met him yet, as they have only been on 3 dates so far, however they message each other a lot when apart (they've both been on separate family holidays). I believe they consider themselves exclusive. When together, he listens to her attentively, appears to take a genuine interest in her, remembers what she's said in previous conversations, and treats her well when they're out together. I like what I'm hearing so far, especially about his family values. She's spoken to him about some of the MH issues troubles she's worked through over the last year, and although he was shocked, he was understanding and kind.

Here are my problems:

1. He's started offering to buy her shoes and items of clothing. She said she felt a bit uncomfortable about accepting, but that he persuaded her. She also said her best friend has said it's a common thing for boyfriends to do. I think it's too soon for all this. Although she agrees, she said that I make her anxious when I say this is too much. How would you speak to your DD about this sensitively?

2. She's entering Y13 next month. Y12 did not go fantastically due to her MH and lack of motivation. If she remains keen on this lad it will put pressure on her schedule. How shall I advise her on how to handle it?

3. I'm sensing that things will move quickly. We've previously spoken a few times about love, physical affection and sex, however during the heat of the moment those conversations may escape her mind! What should I say to her now about managing the physical side of their relationship? I'm bearing in mind she turns 18 in a few months, and don't want to be involved if I shouldn't be. (Note, I was in care in my teens, where nobody was bothered what I did, where I went, etc, so I find it difficult to judge these matters). TIA

YABU to be concerned. It's time to let her become an adult and make her own choices.

YANBU to have concerns. A 17 year old girl still needs guidance from her mum.

Exactly! I don't want to jump the gun with a cringeworthy discussion on her relationship becoming more intimate way before they're even thinking about it. However, although they've only had 3 dates, with the extensive online chats they are having, his apparent enthusiasm for her and the buying her items, I'm feeling things may become serious quickly. I guess 'the chat' would be best to happen sooner rather than later ideally. She gets defensive very quickly though and there's a danger of the shutters coming down.
Arggh, so many things to consider!
Thanks for your reply 😊

I’d be more concerned about her protecting herself emotionally and not bearing all about her mental health struggles 3 dates in. A pair of shoes is nothing compared to oversharing and making yourself vulnerable to someone too soon.