To be confused at GCSE reactions?

[Emily3325]

I’ve seen a few videos online over the last couple of days of teenagers getting their GCSE results, and I’ve been genuinely surprised by some of them.

What has surprised me is seeing teenagers who appear to have failed every GCSE they took, opening their results while both they and their parents seem completely unconcerned about it, laughing, joking and, in some cases, blaming school for being boring.

Maybe I’m just from a different generation, but if I’d come home having failed all of my GCSEs, I can’t imagine my parents being completely unbothered, nor would I be if it were my own children. For reference, two of my three are through their GCSEs.

I’m not saying parents should shame their children or make them feel like their lives are over because of exam results, but surely there is a middle ground between making a child feel like a failure and treating the fact they’ve failed every qualification as if it doesn’t matter at all? Is this just where we're at as a country now?

AIBU?

It would depend on the child. My DD1? I’d be disappointed as would she. My DS? I’d still be disappointed because that isn’t his best. GCSEs aren’t the best all and end all but they are undoubtedly significant in ensuring their next steps.

If those grades were genuinely my child’s best then we’d be looking at what comes next for them and the best path forwards. I don’t think it’s wrong to want our children to do the very best that they can, whatever that means for them

Undoubtedly there will be some children who are just lazy/don't put the work in/don’t value education (usually because their parents don’t) etc, rather than them having SEN. But as casual observers not involved in the lives of these particular children, how can we know the difference? Why sit and judge, without actually knowing their circumstances? What value does it bring to our lives?
I have two highly academic children, both on academic scholarships at independent secondary schools. I have a third child with severe SEN, who is unlikely to pass a single GCSE. But people who aren’t close to us have no idea about his SEN, and may think he’s lazy/we don’t care. That couldn’t be further from the truth, but I’m not going to broadcast his struggles to everyone.

If my children came come without any GCSEs ever (didn't even pass maths and English). I wouldn't be proud. I'd be really disappointed in them and yes I'd worry about their future prospects. You're cut out of A-levels and Btec nationals. So many employment opportunities are cut off and you face a lifetime earnings gap.

I remember a friend of mine celebrating and hugging her son for his results. Ds & Es (before they went over to number grades). He wasn't unintelligent but neither his family, nor he, valued school. She actually gave him a congratulations card for passing all his GCSEs! I remember being astounded. My DC got Cs & Bs and while it was OKish (SEN) we were a little disappointed.

I saw a British Indian kid in Wales get 14A*. He woke up at 4am to study and went to bed at 9pm. That's the kind of diligence I respect.

Growing up in India, DH and I did very similar. Even though we grew up with barely any money, education was drilled into us as the way forward. We tell our kids this as well.

It was a thing at school, when I was that age to be as thick as Joey Essex. For some reason people think it's cute to act stupid.

Yes but not every kid can pass GCSEs that doesnt mean they have littlle brains
If you think that maybe your the one who has little brains and cant think outside your little bubble?

Every parents’ evening, the history teacher would ask us to work on structuring of the exam question with our child. Other parents reported the same. Everybody supports teachers but I can’t help but feel it’s not that black and white. I’m not a teacher and my child has PDA. I couldn’t help them, even if I tried! And I did try… we will never know if the history dept has a tonne of fails but so far, I’ve only heard from other parents that their child failed…

And to prove the point that passing few GCSEs doesn’t mean you don’t have brains…my child got 7s in the subject they were hyper focused on in good sets and with reputable departments…they just failed everything else where they were in low sets. So yes, I think teaching standards are highly important in this convo.

The behaviour my kids tell me goes on or went on in their school, I’m not surprised staff are drowning

Definitely - my child said being in low sets was like being in a zoo. Not much teaching went on by sounds of it.

Why though? Would you telling your kids that you are disappointed help them at all?

DS failed his 2 years ago, he’s autistic with very complex needs. went on to get a distinction on his college course. They don’t define you. Most people do value education, both DC have learnt a hell of a lot at thier school, dd13 has glowing reports from all of her teachers. It’s not her knowledge I worry about. Most kids have the basic knowledge need they just can’t apply it when it come to exams.

I think exams themselves are outdated. They put huge pressure on teenagers and often measure how well someone performs under exam conditions rather than their actual intelligence, understanding or potential. Education should be about developing skills and knowledge, not simply memorising information to pass a few exams.

My DD told me that some girls had a little sleep during some exams. Their parents are the ones making a fuss that they didn’t get to go to Prom. Shows where the parental priorities are.

Because that’s life isn’t it? If you fail to work hard and achieve your potential, then you’re going to miss out on opportunities and be disappointed. I’m not saying I expect straight 9s but I do expect their best work and effort. Being disappointed if that doesn’t happen is a fact of life

They might be disappointed, but I can't see how it's going to help your child for you to also tell them how disappointed you are.
16 year olds need parents who are supportive and help them with what to do next, not someone who is going to try to make them feel worse about themselves.

I was brought up to work for yourself so grades have never been needed because I’m not looking to get employed, that passed onto my children too. It goes back generations in my family. Be your own boss

I don’t think expressing that you’re disappointed means not supporting. You can explain why you’re disappointed and then support them in working out their next steps. It’s ok for parents to pull their kids up sometimes

My dc got all 9s and 8s at GCSE. A*s and As at A-level and will now be doing a degree apprenticeship in front office finance at a major firm earning what graduates make at 18 and will be on track after the degree apprenticeship to reach 6 figures. GCSEs don't define you but they certainly help

Ds has seen some of those videos. I don't think it's a case of supportive parents helping disappointed kids. His take is that it's basically a celebration of failure. And this is coming from a kid who has got a... wide... range of gcse results. He can't understand why you'd be laughing at getting 1s and 2s and film yourself doing it. It's the filming that says it all.

I've taught for a long time. I know how hard some kids find it, and you rejoice that they end up with maybe a 3, because that's closer to a 4 than any of you ever thought and at least they might get it next time. But there are also the ones who go out of their way to fuck it up for everyone else too and make a big show of how badly they've done because 'couldn't be arsed, me. I'm getting an apprenticeship/ working for my uncle'.

Always interesting to meet them a few years later when reality has hit a bit harder.

These are what I’m referencing! Not kids who’ve genuinely done their best and are celebrating that but this trend of almost bragging about failing to secure a single passing grade in their GCSEs

I worry about where we’re heading as a country when the attitudes towards education are what they are, how are these kids going to secure a job/ training/ further education?

I don't agree.

I didn't always try my hardest in exams and I didn't need my parents to pretend to not be disappointed. This doesn't mean that they weren't supportive or didn't help me identify next steps. They simply acknowledged the reality that I could have done better and I had not achieved my potential. It didn't make me feel worse about my situation because ultimately I knew all of this myself already and if anything, it reiterated to me that I should expect more of myself and that I was capable of more. This is how resilience is built.

There is a huge difference between laying into and berating kids and expressing an appropriate level of disappointment when they have let themselves down.

The grades might not be needed, but the actual education behind the grades is needed, whether you want to be employed or not.
You won’t get very far starting your own business if you have no education.

There has always been kids like this though they just didn’t have TikTok to show off about it.

There will definitely be kids that literally don’t give a shit. Probably from families that have grown up on benefits but as I’ve already said there will also be a lot that have ended up like that due to inaccessible or unsuitable education.