To think that I won't be having another relationship?

[TheHallmarkedWoman]

I'm 50, 10 years divorced, one young adult child.

XH was controlling/abusive. Relatively low key compared to a lot of the stuff you read on here but bad enough that Woman's Aid and Solicitor acknowledged his behaviour.

Lived with family for a couple of years post separation, then getting settled in a new home, family stuff, Covid etc.

I've dabbled in the apps and had a few dates and online flirtations but they're really not for me. I'm not big on going out loads and when I do everyone is already in couples, or uninterested. I'm not exactly a supermodel so I don't automatically get attention when I walk into a room, and am neurodivergent so once I start talking there's a reasonable chance men think I'm bonkers!

I have a job I enjoy (not brilliantly paid but manageable), lots of hobbies, a handful of close friends and a great relationship with DD.

I also have 'FWB' who I see every two/three weeks or so. No chance of that going anywhere which is a bit of a shame but we both knew that from the get go.

TBH I struggle sharing space with another person and I don't think I could live with anyone again.

So basically I'm pretty happy with the status quo, but I do wonder if I'll look back in ten years time and wish I'd put some effort into finding 'my person', but the honest truth is I
don't believe they exist and I'm actually ok with that.

I guess I'm just thinking about it more as it's recently been 10 years since marriage went up the spout. Of course XH has a new partner (before the ink was wet on the divorce papers, never mind dry 🤣)...

Has anyone else had a similar experience/feelings? I don't really
have anyone in RL who's in a
comparable position that I can chat to.

I’m not in this position sorry but I have often thought that if my marriage ended I wouldn’t bother with another relationship unless it jumped out at me. You sound like you have your life sorted and are happy. I think all you can do is make the right decision at the time. If in 10 years you miss being with someone then start looking again. It is never too late.

Not necessarily comparable, but my wife died. I am 56. Right now, I cannot imagine any future with anyone but her. She said I should be open to meeting someone else. Right now, the thought of that is nowhere near my thinking.

My point is, who knows what the future holds? I may feel different next week, next month, next year, or never. You just have to live in the moment, and do what feels right in that moment. We are only here once.

@HappiestSleeping

I'm so sorry for your loss 💐

I think your 'live in the moment' perspective sums it up for me, I'm really happy as I am - have the odd fleeting thought that it would be nice to eg have someone to go on holiday with, or share the domestic load, but that's about it.

@SaulHudsonDavidJones

I wouldn’t bother with another relationship unless it jumped out at me

Exactly. I'm not being negative, I just think pursuing a relationship for the sake of it is a lot of time and hard work, and I'm not in the right headspace for it.

I sometimes question if having a FWB is giving me a built in excuse for not making an effort to meet anyone, but I really don't think
I would want to anyway. I love my own space and not having to answer to anyone...even when DD is home for a bit there comes a point when I get a bit twitchy!

I'm not bitter or anti men and if Mr Right fell into my path I wouldn't knock it, just have plenty of thing to do rather than go out searching!

I've been single for several years since a very abusive relationship. At about the 1yr stage I got a lot of pressure to consider dating so I signed up to some apps. Was totally off putting and I haven't bothered since. I'm perfectly happy single for now. Maybe that will change when my kids eventually leave home. Who knows.

My gran was single for 50 years after her husband died. I always thought it was heartbreaking, but actually she was the happiest person I knew so 🤷🏼‍♀️

I mid 50’s single for nearly 20 years since ds was born

had a few flings but I am just not bothered about a relationship or fwb and do not want to live with someone

i’m fine with the idea of it being just me and a few cats

Oh yes...definitely down with the cats!

i'm in a similar situation. I prefer my company and am happy being on my own. however i like interaction every now and again and intimacy. So have people that I mix with for let's say "entertainment"
Not looking for a permanent lodger or relationship.

@TheHallmarkedWoman @HRTQueen

I'm afraid you're both wrong. It should be dogs 😜😜

I’m currently with a lovely dp; but had a couple of bad ones, and my dd’s have both struggled to find decent partners. If my dp died I wouldn’t bother again. I have my family, animals, art and music, and a few friends. What more do you need???