AIBU to ask family not to buy Christmas gifts?

[Tangit]

Myself, DH and teenage sons will be going to Australia at Christmas time for three weeks to visit his family. DH is Australian.

For context, during the 25 years we've been married, he's been back a few times (mainly when PILs were ill/passed away) and we've been as a family twice (in 2004 before kids and 2008 when DS1 was a baby for a family wedding). DS2 has never been to Oz although he's met DH's family a few times when they have visited us.

Ok, my own family is small. We normally celebrate Christmas with my mum, dad, aunty & uncle. My brother, wife and nephews spend Christmas with SisIL's family. I'm not a huge Christmas fan now that my boys are nearly adults but I always buy lovely gifts for my nephews who are young and still believe. Also, because my family is small, we all buy each other gifts. I've suggested doing a secret Santa or only buying for the kids but this fell on deaf ears as mum and aunty especially love Christmas time and like gifting.

However, this year I want to be really firm about not doing gifts and I need to have the conversation early before mum and aunty start buying things (in August, yes!). I will still buy for my nephews and my brother will probably give vouchers to our boys. That's fine, no adults involved.

Should I tell my mum and aunt no gifts at all. Or say, if they insist, just buy for the boys? But if they do the latter, it will be the usual expensive gifts and then I'll feel awful that they've spent so much on my kids and I haven't got them anything in return. Or, in this instance, should I just get them a token bottle of wine and chocolates to say thanks 'from the boys'.
Will they think I'm a CF giving them wine and chocs if they spend the usual £100/£200 on my boys?

As your family is quite small I’d just suck this up because they sound lovely and kind and I wouldn’t want to upset them, they’re probably already sad they won’t see the boys Christmas Day so just have a pre Christmas Day with food and gifts and be done with it. You could ask them for some Australian dollars as part of their gift maybe? Bit I wouldn’t want to upset them.

I think it’s unfair on your sons to decide that their relatives won’t buy them presents this year. Just exchange presents as normal, you aren’t even seeing them over Christmas and you know that gift giving matters to them, so just carry it on. Obviously ‘the boys’ can choose the gifts for their family themselves though

I don't think it's too difficult to buy and wrap a few presents and exchange them before you go? Or are you concerned about the expense? We usually spend 10/15 pounds per person, can you not speak to mum and auntie and set a spending limit, say you're a bit broke this year because you're spending a lot on the trip?

Yes, the expense is definitely a factor. We spend about £200 on my parents and £100 on my aunty and uncle. Obviously, flight tickets to Australia at Christmas were really expensive.

Good idea re gifting dollars, thanks.

As someone else said I think they are likely to be really sad that you will be away and then saying no gifts might make them feel really unimportant.
I'd explain that you are concerned about your budget and could you set a really low limit, £15-20 max and ideally get something sentimental.

I'd keep the exchange the way you usually have it as I agree having none at all would be unfair on the boys. You may ask the relatives to keep it small for you but "normal" for the boys, and have an exchange early!

Just tell them! “Hey mum, just letting you know well in advance that we won’t be buying any adults big Christmas presents this year, can I suggest a budget of £20 per adult instead?”

Surely you can find a middle ground. Buy each adult a cheaper gift and add something homemade like fudge. Buy each of the children a slightly cheaper gift too. Just say to everyone that things are a bit tight with the cost of the trip so gifts will not be as abundant this year. You've get plenty of time to buy .ore thoughtful gifts so they are still appreciated.