To sometimes really, really dislike my own kids

[Noneofit]

I really feel this is one thing that genuinely never does get talked about, amongst all the ‘our hearts are so full’ crap permeating pregnancy and newborn arrivals, how several years on you can realise you really dislike your own kids sometimes. It is a really uncomfortable feeling, not least because there’s this sense that if they aren’t nice people it’s because of you and your parenting.

Oh, mine are only young which makes it worse. I’m sure they aren’t trying to drive me crazy but sometimes they are so rude and objectionable and argumentative it’s hard not to take it personally.

Have a look at the regretfulparents sub Reddit. This is exactly the kind of thing they talk about.

It probably is just real frustration spilling out. My youngest wouldn’t stop blowing a whistle and I asked him nicely to please stop and wouldn’t, just laughed at me, so I took it off him and I literally had to wrestle the damn thing out of his hands. Like … why can’t he just stop blowing it?

I have had a look there but I don’t know … it’s depressing as well as real if you get me!

Oh absolutely is hard not to take it personally.

When you’ve carried them for 9 months, given birth to them, fed them and clothed them and stayed awake with them or hours.

And then they throw it all back in your face by acting like tiny terrorists determined to make your life hell 😂

it’s not personal though. And you know you don’t actually dislike them.

YANBU. They are lovely and joyful and I would throw myself in front of a train for them. And I love them endlessly but sometimes I don't like the way they act and I get quite cross! Shaping them into civilised humans over the years is a lot of work! All of the boundary exploration and screaming and annoying behaviours that are developmentally normal (and perhaps from the outside and/or in retrospect) can be bloody infuriating!

Mine are also young and we go in waves of bliss and fury, usually several times a day...

You haven't asked for advice, but friends and family with older kids tell me that when mine are teenagers I'll long the days when toilet talk was our biggest tiff! So I try to hold some perspective but goodness it can be hard whilst you're in the trenches!

Mine are adults now. When they (there's five of them, very close in age) were younger I used to fantasise about running away and just leaving them. The arguing was off the scale, they wouldn't do a single thing they were asked and they regarded being required to, say, bring a dirty mug downstairs or put a football kit in the washing machine as against their human rights.

But I remembered a few times when I was young and my mum would ask me to tidy my room and how I would get really cross about it and how she seemed to always be demanding things of me. So can you try to project back a bit, OP, remember what YOU were like as a child? Because I suspect you annoyed your parents in exactly the same way - it was ever thus, sadly.

My lot have, on the other hand, grown up absolutely lovely people and I'm glad I didn't turn them wild in the forest (as I was also tempted to do).

Oh I know I did - feel bad about it now. Just so tired of it all. When does it end? (I know; it doesn’t.)

I don’t particularly like my adult son at the moment. I love him, am his strongest advocate, biggest supporter but the person he currently is at the moment is not very nice. There are flashes of the lovely young man that I know is in there. But currently he is selfish, rude and not pleasant to be around. He is angry and sad at the world after losing his brother, my eldest son, to cancer 12 years ago. I understand, but I am his emotional punch bag, his safe person.

i feel desperately sad that we are at this stage in our relationship after facing unbelievable sadness and loss. But I can’t find happiness and peace for him, he has to find it in himself when he is ready. Until
then we are living in a very unhappy place.

parenting adult children is very hard, in a different way to young ones, as you can’t tell them anything, can’t do it for them. My mum used to say you are only as happy as your unhappiest child. At this moment in time I’m very sad.

it’s very hard to say these things about a child whom you love fiercely.

I’m so so sorry @minmooch , you expressed that so well

There were times when I could have dropped my four off at a service station and driven away! I'd walk through fire for them, but oh God the whining, arguing, and the sheer noise of them when they were little...
Then the bad teen years (one bad teen, the others were just occasionally assholes). I would have sold DS1 if I could! He was permanently angry from age 12-16 , very very badly behaved and made life miserable for everyone.

He's now a lovely adult ...they all are! Each age and stage has real challenges, and you get through one stage only to be hit by the next...but it is worth it in the end.😁