AIBU to be overwhelmed about life with DS

[HappyForRainbow]

I'm habing a wobble. DS (4) is an only child, has development delays, has SLT and OT, and possibly is ND.

Just reading through threads about how you need to enjoy every second with your child. When I see the things other parents get to do and enjoy I'm so sad. There are things I absolutely adore doing with DS - playgrounds, parks, swimming, outdoor play, indoor play areas etc. I do that as much as we can and he is so happy and despite their own worries overall it's much easier to parent him. He is sweet and loving and happy and I love him so much.

But general, day to day life, at home, shopping, classes, Church, restaurants (occasionally only when we see friends with no kids), appointments etc it is SO HARD. It is not enjoyable, I dread it sometimes. I more and more feel like I am forcing him to do something I'm not sure anymore that he is physically capable of - sitting still, staying calm - and then getting annoyed at him for not being able to, as well as dealing with the judgement of parents who never had to deal with a very hyperactive child and think it's just my parenting.

I'll be the first to admit I'm not a perfect parent. But I'm also not a permissive parent who let's DS run around, make noise, interrupt people (as much as possible). He has consequences, we leave places more often than we get to stay, we have time outs and privileges revoked and threats followed through, but it more often than not makes no difference. He's thankfully nor an aggressive child with things like hitting, or majorly into screaming tantrums but he will not sit still - not even for a couple of minutes. Not even when I bring a bag full of toys he will like. Not even if I offer screen time (yes, it is limited). He will want to jump and run and climb no matter what.

I do work full time and have a DH, we work opposite times so neither of us really get a 'break' often. Little family near by. But he also won't stay with anyone other than us and 2 grandparents ocassionally (and that's usually when we are both working rather than a 'break')

I dont know what I'm expecting from this thread, I'm just sad. I want to be able to enjoy this time, to take him to places and have him listen and be calm sometimes. And I go back and forth between 'hes a normal 4 year old boy' and 'there's something not right'.

I think you need to give yourself, and him, a break.
He's 4 years old and has disabilities which make all these things challenges. You are in the summer holidays which means that loads of activities are closed such as toddler groups, and the ones that are open are packed or expensive or overwhelming. and you are also dealing with the imaginary judgements of other people - you don't know that they are judging you, and if they are, thats their problem. They don't have all the information, plus it's none of their business
You also work full time.

You won't enjoy every moment of parenting. People who say that are usually old and have forgotten how boring, frustrating and thankless a lot of it is.

At best, they might be wishing they took more time to try and enjoy it, but that doesn't mean they did!

Some people also like to see other people discipline their kids harshly. They just do.

There are some things that I did that would have looked permissive to an onlooker, but actually I was managing a situation and making sure I didn't escalate it.

I had to use majority positive parenting techniques - much more carrot and much less stick.

Will he be going to school in a few weeks?

Even without any special needs or disabilities thrown into the mix I doubt anyone ever has enjoyed every single moment of being with their child.

I get it. My youngest has SEN and is a runner so I’ve had to deal with 6 years of him wriggling and trying to run away from everything. It started as soon as he could crawl, he would be the baby constantly crawling away at baby groups when everyone else’s just seemed to sit placidly. Then when he could walk he kept eloping on foot, he still does now so I have to hold his wrist. We have a wrist strap actually for busy areas e.g London, there’s no way I could risk him eloping there. I took up running when he was 2 to keep up with him.

We’ve learnt to live with it. We know certain things will be difficult e.g anything where we’re expected to sit for a length of time. He’s got better as he’s got older so we can get through a film at the cinema now for example. I get how he’s feeling at times to be frank, he kept trying to run away from sports day because it was so dull and I wanted to too so…