DNs mum is a shit parent

[Honeyitookthehoney]

my brother has a child aged 4 with a woman he had a brief fling with. My brother stepped up immediately and attended scans, was at the birth, and has his gorgeous little girl over 50% of the week. I’m so proud of how he is as a father, but I’m worried he’s being taken advantage of.

its DNs birthday on Saturday and her mum has already said she has “an appointment” on that day, so she will just see DN on Friday. Last year, her partner was arrested on DNs birthday for being drunk and disorderly and fell onto a train track, resulting in DN mum dropping DN at my brothers and not seeing her at all on her birthday.

DB is obviously happy to have DN all the time, but I can’t help but feel she would be better off with him full time. DN regularly cries at handovers to her mum. DB feels stuck as he wants DN all the time, but feels like she is relinquishing all responsibility and living as if she is childfree. DN mum gets tax credits and has recently tried to apply for CM (which was rejected and in actuality DB would be entitled to claim it!!)

aibu to think this is very odd of a child’s mother? I wouldn’t dream of not seeing my children on their birthdays

It’s terribly sad for your niece. She’ll become much more aware of it as she gets older too.

Might the Mum give more time to your brother? As she seems uninterested as it is.

Before anyone says it, I would feel the same if it was a shit Dad too.

She has refused. DB is all for letting DN mum see her as and when, but she got solicitors involved when he suggested it. This was after a 5 week period where she saw her little girl just twice. DB is stressed that DN will develop attachment issues. Fortunately he has a lovely partner who is very loving towards DN and includes her as she does their own child. They both worry about the impact of the handovers, changes constantly and lots of time away from her mum

It’s (luckily) not something I know much about but I’m sure people with more knowledge on custody will help.

It must be awful handing her back knowing they drink to excess etc, your poor niece and brother.

On the finances, if he has more than 50% contact her mum shouldn’t be claiming child related benefits. Its no odder than a dad, but people tend to have higher expectations of mums. It may be worth him noting down when his daughter doesn’t want to go and then potentially think about formalising contact via court.

I bet if db agrees not to go for cms she may waiver...though may not want to relinquish government benefits. I had to involve our MP to get ds's sorted...

Thats truly heartbreaking 💔. How can a mother be like this to her child? Has she got ppd? Poor wee girl 🥹. Can your brother not apply for full custody? The wee one would have security with her dad it seems. ❤️

It is sad. My sons father has vanished, it shouldnt feel worse when its a mother who is shite, but it does. I have a friend whose mum saw her once a week/every other week for a few minutes, her dad was awarded full custody with the courts. She is the loveliest person I know. I won't say it hasn't had an impact on her, because it has, but she is loveliest, most well rounded person I know.