Aibu? Are people this bad to make up rumours after a breakup.

[linds955]

Will try and make this as short as possible. Last weekend me and the boyfriend had a brief breakup. We’re talkin 2/3 days. I have a friend who I used to work with. He has a girlfriend. Been friends for years, no flirtiness nothing in it just someone I would vent to every so often. So when me and my boyfriend broke up I told him what happened and tbh we broke up over something stupid. But anyway I told my friend this and he replied to me with the most word stuff I could hear. “You are better off without him he slept with one of my friends and she said he’s a sleazeball and straight after they had sex he told her he still sleeps with his ex wife whenever he has no other options” he then proceeded to tell me my partner and this girl met on tinder when I know he’s never been on tinder. He said they slept together last year and then he said it was around Christmas time.. which hurt me as me and him started seeing each other around Christmas time. Told me the reason why my partner and his ex wife broke up was because he cheated on her (which I’ve never heard) he did used to work in a bar (which is how me and him met) and honestly I was going into this bar for years before he actually asked me on a date. Was always respectful to me etc. so.. here’s the confusing part. Whenever me and partner got back together I told him all this and what was said and he said he’s never slept with that girl before but a year and a half ago he was at a party with her and they just kissed but never had sex. My partner was so angry to that he actually messaged this friend of mine and showed me all the messaged. And he even says in the messages to my friend he honestly didn’t sleep with her and to tell her to stop lying and saying they did. This is all so confusing to me. Are people bad enough to make shit up like that? It’s the fact he said it was around Christmas time (when we started seeing each other) then my boyfriend said it was a year in a half ago. He also went into detail and said he knows it was ages ago because he didn’t live in the house he’s in now and he’s lived there a year. I feel like it’s going to impact our relationship

You boyfriend is the liar…run and don’t look back

How do you know?

Op surely no one is this naive. Your boyfriend is the liar, your poor friend, getting shot for telling the truth,

Really? People were calling me crazy for believing it. But keep in mind this was a guy that told me this info. And a lot of what he told me didn’t make sense ?

There a few red flags here

• A 2/3 day breakup...over what? Driven by who? If you got together this Christmas just gone then breaking up less than a year in suggests the makings of a volatile relationship ahead

• You say ' i know he has never been on tinder' how? Also could be a slip of the tongue, a lot of people refer to ol dating as tinder. Feels like you are looking for evidence its not true

• 'He went into a lot of detail' - this can be a sign of a liar in my experience, not always but its a potential red flag

• what motivation does your friend have to lie? What about the other girl he kissed/slept with? Your bf on the other hand has a reason

• you say he showed you the messages asking why she is lying - from now or from the time?

• do you know why he and ex wife split? Do they have kids together/are they still in contact?

None of this means he is lying but there are red flags to me. Have you met his family and friends? Are you a couple on social media and is he open ab you ie sharing pictures of you together / tagging you? Whats his social media behaviour like? Does he interact with other women's profiles, have a lot of female friends that you've never met etc? Is there any other shady behaviour such as not wanting to go out locally, being cagey with his phone...

This doesn't sound like a very happy relationship. No one here can tell you whether the rumors are true or not, but things are so messy now it's going to be very difficult for you two to carry on, especially since you have breakups over silly things anyway. I'd cut your losses and try to split on good terms, don't accuse him of anything, just say it's not working out and you don't want things to turn sour.

Do it for your own mental health, i guarantee you will feel better and you can do much better than this.

Face it, it’s very unlikely your friend has made this up.

Well it was a boy that told me all this stuff. That has always had a bit of a liking for me. I used to work with him. And him and his ex wife split after 23 years just weren’t getting on and they have two grown up sons together 14 and 20. And he has brought me before in the car to pick up the 14 year old. And he’s open with his phone always hands me it when I ask to see somethin. He told me the contact with this girl happened a year and a half ago because he was living in another house but I dunno why the guy would tell me around Christmas time. That’s what I’m focusing on because me and him started seeing each other around Christmas time.

So the boy who told you all this stuff used to have a liking for you, but he is still the person you choose to confide in when you are having relationship issues? If you suspect he has feelings for you, why are you still close friends? If its all in the past why would he lie?

But also why did you split up for 2/3 days and then get back together? Whose idea was that? Gor me personally thats the biggest red flag esp if youve been together less than a year and already splitting up and getting back together.

I dont know you but alarm bells would be clanging loud for me personally

You posted this before and were advised to forget him and move on

This is very classic behaviour isn’t it. You break up ( over something stupid) and a friend says “ I never liked him anyway” and then you get back together again. I don’t really know why it matters if it was at Christmas or not. Presumably you want your getting together to be this special moment and not sullied by the fact he was shagging someone else at the same time. You’re not going to find the answer from either of them as they both have motivation to lie. So, worse case scenario he slept with this woman. What difference does it make now?

Sorry OP but you’re in massive denial. The idea that your friend would make this up just to stir up trouble is highly implausible.

The simplest explanation is almost always the correct one.

Even if half of this is true, your boyfriend is an unreliable sleaze.

Get rid.

A boy? How old are you all?

My partner was so angry to that he actually messaged this friend of mine and showed me all the messaged. And he even says in the messages to my friend he honestly didn’t sleep with her and to tell her to stop lying and saying they did

So he messaged your friend? Weird

Sounds like teen drama tbh

I thought it was strange that he messaged the guy that told me all this to. Why was he so angry

You said in your op you’ve been friends for years, he’s a partner and no flirtyness. Now he fancies you and there is and he made it up, whay so he could be with you?you think that makes sense? You were already split.

he’s clearly not told you before as you were with him,. Why on earth would he make it up after you split up,

You write like a teenager and refer to your friend as 'boy' but your man has teenage kids and a 23 year long marriage? Age gap? This all sounds very messy.

You know why, as it was true.

The thing is though alot of stuff the guy said didn’t make sense.. he said the reason he knows all this stuff is because my partner was good friends with a guy called Adam. And my partner told him that he cheated on his ex wife etc. I have never heard him mention a guy called Adam nor is friends with anyone on fb called Adam .. I asked him and he said he doesn’t know anyone called Adam..

None so blind as those who will not see.

What does this mean lol

Stop trying to figure out why stupid people do stupid things, you won't find any satisfactory answers bc there are none, you're on a fools errand.

Don't try to rationslise, don't try to argue it out. You just need to break up with him. Surely you have better things to do and can aim a bit higher for yourself?

It's a proverb.

It means those who flatly refuse to see the evidence in front of them are "more blind" than those with a sight impairment.

It's blatantly obvious your (ex?) boyfriend is a liar and cheat. You're hunting for answers elsewhere because you don't want to admit what's clearly there.

Oh thank God; had such strong déjà vu I was worried about my brain!

Sounds like a bunch of childish drama! I’d be gone.