Mum’s intensity with ds - AIBU?

[Grentsyo]

I know lots of grandparents aren’t involved or don’t care about their grandchildren. So I know I’m lucky that she is involved and she does care.

But oh my god she’s so intense. Every time we see her she’s so full on, constantly hugging and holding his hands and he gets irritated. Constant comments about his hair needing a cut, which school is he going to, (making suggestions multiple times over and over), always saying he needs new shoes. List goes on.

ive told her it feels critical and intense but it doesn’t change. I know I need to ignore it but I suppose what I’m asking is would this irritate you? Or AIBU? It’s honesty driving me mad. Dad not so intense, he’s more chilled.

How old is your DS?
Honestly I’d be most annoyed at him being touched to the point he’s irritated , his body belongs to him and no child should be conditioned to think they need to tolerate unwelcome hugs and hand holding .
The rest of it , comments about hair , school shoes etc sounds more like anxiety, is she a nervous person ?
Regardless of her motivation just advocate for your child and stop her pawing over him .

Don't ignore it all.

Tell her firmly to let go when she is holding on to him too much and he is getting irritated/squirming to get away. "MUM! Let go of him. You can see he doesn't like that. Read his cues!"

The comments about his hair, school, shoes etc. you can often ignore. If she really pushes it then just shut her down by saying "Mum, his shoes/hair/clothes are absolutely fine. He will be going to X school and that is that!"

Set the boundaries and get her to step back a fair bit. Help your DS that way.