AIBU to worry about my niece’s sleep and car seat safety?

[LouM9]

My sister-in-law won't take any advice from my Mum (of 3 children and used to work with under 3s) or other sister-in-law (mum of and nursery nurse). My niece is 1 now and she sleeps on a 2nd hand foam mattress, bought online, which is too big for the cot - we've tried to explain it's dangerous and mentioned SIDS but she just won't listen.
She also puts her in the baby seat facing forward when in the car. I've told my brother about the car seat and he said he'd tell her but I don't know if he did.
We worry about our niece but are worried she will just stop letting us see her if she thinks we're "having a go" when we're just trying to give her advice

Back off.

1st comment nailed it.

None of your business

She's past SIDS risk age if she's already 1.

Just buy her a new mattress if it means that much to you 🤷

There's nothing you can do about the car seat I guess?

Stay out of it. The mattress might carry other risks from it not fitting, IDK I haven’t seen how bad it is, but it won’t be SIDS which by definition is the death of an infant, so a baby under 12 months old. Over 1YOs can also safely have a pillow and duvet so aren’t following the same safe sleep guidelines as older babies, I moved my youngest into his sister’s old single bed at 1 after he escaped the cot and didn’t get a new mattress- no guidelines say you can’t do this, the new mattress and SIDS risk is for babies and your niece is a toddler. You can also legally turn the car seat forward at 15 months. Just because you wouldn’t do it doesn’t mean that they can’t.

Your last paragraph makes me wonder how much other stuff you've gotten on to her about if you are afraid she wont let you see your niece if you say anything else.....

Do you mean she’s installing your nieces infant car seat forward facing in the car? As in the sort that have a carry handle?

Or does she have a 360 degree type seat that stays fitted in the car and can be either forward or rear facing?

ok.

whatever and whoever I do believe child protection is everyone’s responsibility.

the mattress. If child is one. That is not breaking a law.

the car seat, 15 months. Perhaps offer to buy them a correct seat?

I am another poster who thinks you and your family need to back off and leave her alone.

Rear facing is recommended, it isn't the law (unless this has changed?)

Not everyone is as vigilant with stuff like this. My DS had a totally clear cot until he was 3 years old, many choose to have soft toys and bedding way before that. I will rear face my DS until there's no other options (he's 4 currently and still rear facing). It matters hugely to me and my husband. I've tried to share with friends about carseat safety when I've seen them putting them in with coats on, not fastening the straps tight enough, forward facing very early. Ultimately it's their choice though, as long as I've told them then my conscience is clear. If you've told them then you've done what you can, they have access to the same information that we do.

If she is only just one, wouldn't that still be illegal though? Don't police check, ever? Round here, they even get involved when people post about dogs left in cars/being walked on hot days, and you'd think kids are even more important.

SIDS is not an issue for a 1 year old. But yes, a too big mattress could cause injury.

What do you mean about the car seat - she’s bought a forward facing one that meets all the legal criteria and the child is big/old enough (how old is she actually - just turned one or closer to two?) but you just don’t agree? Or she is actually incorrectly facing a rear facing car seat forwards?

Either way, you’ve given your opinion, several times it sounds like. You can’t make people listen.

Well OP hasn’t actually said how old the child is exactly, only that they’re ‘now 1’ so they could well be 15 months. Older car seats sold under the previous R44 reg are also still legal to use, and are still on sale, and they permit forward facing from 9kg (the average weight of a 9MO). So whilst obviously not the safest choice I wouldn’t necessarily assume it’s illegal. It probably isn’t. And even if this a 13MO facing forwards 2 months early in a newer R129 seat how are the police ever going to know and as if they’d do anything. Even if the SIL is stopped for something else like speeding with the kid in the car wouldn’t she just say she’s 15 months and/or it’s an older style seat then really would the police would have inspect the seat and verify with the kids passport?! OP has said her piece, they’re obviously not going to listen to her, so if she wants to maintain a relationship with her brother and niece it would be best if she let it be and butted out.

Seriously?
Police checking cots....?

I think that poster was on about police checking car seats, which whilst also never going to happen isn’t quite as ludicrous as the idea of them going into people’s houses to check cots…

Why are you treating her like the only parent? If you think something with your DN is unsafe then talk to your brother! He can decide if he wants to make a different decision with his own partner or not.

It sounds like you two have been pretty interfering if she's so reluctant to take any advice from either of you. Back off.

Obviously your brother is a completely innocent bystander in all this! Surely he can buy a bloody mattress that fits 🤦‍♀️
no wonder she is ignoring all you super knowledgeable women!!!

It is absolutely sod all business of yours. You clearly know very little or you wouldn't be using SIDS as a reason.l for harassing your sister in law.

It is absolutely legal to have a 1 year old forward facing.

My dd was turned as soon as her weight allowed as she was horrifically car sick rear facing.

Ds had a forward facing seat. We were told its the safest possible option at the time. By the time I was pg again a few years later advice changed but I still had a good functioning seat and most people still used forward facing. Two years later Dsis had her first baby and her and her DH were horrified at our negligence. Perhaps they are safer, but that does not make my seat--'unsafe'. It's also in the interests of manufacturers to constantly review their advice so we buy new products. What is unsafe as far as I'm concerned is people who break speed limits, who don't allow enough space between cars, who don't adjust their speed and distance according to the weather.