I stopped drinking but people say stupid stuff

[Sunflowerpower52]

I stopped drinking a year ago, due to a major health issue that has shattered the last year of my life (it is unrelated to alcohol use but alcohol could potentially cause further complications).

Not drinking (not that I was a heavy drinker in the last few years) has been a huge eye opener, in how I deal with stress ect, but now I'm past the year mark I am proud of myself and have changed alot of my lifestyle. I cannot see myself drinking again and I am at peace with that and it's a real positive step in my health journey.

Something I've noticed more though, is how other people view it. People around me do not seem to be happy, they always pull a face, "oh just have one" "can't you drive you don't drink now" "just have a drink and then some water" "it's Christmas, one won't hurt" all these comments make me feel like a problem.

I stopped drinking due to a chronic kidney conditon, and have been in absolute agony, I am relatively young and its been very tough. It's mind boggling those around me find the idea of me stopping alcohol such an issue.

People do feel very judged by it and I cant really work out why. Sorry thats your experience too. I just cant process it properly drinking makes me feel sluggish and sleepy and low mood so it doesnt work for me. Id just smile and say ah you know, Drs Orders xx

I’m sorry you’re finding yourself surrounded by such daft people. I have kidney failure too, and have stopped drinking. Nobody’s ever tried to encourage me into drinking. I’d just do the mumsnet head tilt and “Did you mean to be so ignorant?” Those who mind don’t matter etc.

It’s often seen as a declaration of war as you are shining a light on some (not everyone) people’s problematic drinking.

I stopped drinking 15 years ago and still get the same comments from when I gave up - "you're boring/no fun anymore/what's wrong with you/come on...loosen up a bit/there's no harm in one/ you just need to get blind drunk and not be so stressy" etc
I stopped drinking after a traumatic event because it was edging me towards alcoholism. I do now drink non-alcoholic versions of cider & gin etc but have had people (who think that they know better about what I need) buy the alcoholic versions on purpose. I can smell & taste the alcohol immediately and give them short shrift because they don't know why I'm alcohol free - I could be deathly allergic for all they know.
I do find it odd that smokers/vapers don't think twice about non smokers but refuse alcohol and you're automatically seen as strange. Someone actually said that they didn't trust people who don't drink alcohol as it meant that there was something wrong with them. I called them out on it and said that perhaps it says more about their own selves & their attitude than mine.

It's definitely a 'them' problem than a 'you' problem @Sunflowerpower52 but people who make it a real problem are not my friends and are relatives that I avoid where possible. It can be hard but stick to your guns and call it out every time if you can.

I stopped drinking years ago when I was pregnant and just never started up again. Some people would make comments but that's a mindset that's going away.

People want to be enabled when it comes to alcohol. They have a problem and it's not your problem.

The good thing is a lot of younger people in their 20s and 30s are more interested in living a healthy lifestyle and alcohol isn't a part of that rather than partying and drinking all the time. There's also all the older people who have quit drinking alcohol because of negative health impacts. It's also becoming too expensive. There's a generational shift happening and being harassed for not drinking alcohol is becoming a thing of the past and seen as unacceptable.

Drinkers are often made uncomfortable when one of their number stops: it can make them feel judged and highlight their own dependency.

I drink next to nothing nowadays after having been a moderate drinker when I was younger and my oldest friend has a real problem with it and often suggests that its a pose or a phase or some sort of anxiety when I choose soft drinks.

It does sometimes force you to reevaluate friendships which previously revolved around alcohol. Good friends should be able to adjust but some will fall away.

There are so many threads on MN which demonstrate people's absolutely skewed and unhealthy attitude to alcohol. People who view going out and getting drunk on a regular basis, even when they are in a relationship and have family responsibilities, not only as normal but as a person's right. It's crazy. Especially when drunks are almost admired but when their drinking is perceived to have crossed the line into alcoholism they are then despised.
These people who are embarrassed by you not drinking, who try to persuade you to drink are not your friends. There is some thing lacking in them. If thee wasn't they woukd respect your decision not to drink.

I have had the same problem, the only answer that I find shuts them up is ask why they are so fixated on whether I drink or not

I'm sorry-I thought this would have been the case decades ago, but not now. Many (most?) of us have friends from different religions and cultures who don't drink, a lot of us don't for health reasons, and if you're young, it really surprises me that people in your circles are like this.
Just think you're unlucky-I'm over 40 but none of us would find a non-drinker odd.
Advice-you could drink Guiness Zero etc if you like, as the very few people who do have issues seem calmer when someone drinks something that looks like a pint-but you absolutely shouldn't have to!

I’m 3+ years sober now. I stopped because I had a drinking problem plus alcohol related health problems, though really no one but dh probably knows that or would ever suspect.

This will get easier as you go on. It absolutely says more about other people than you. It could be you need to or simply will naturally want to phase some of those people out, in favour of people who aren’t so wrapped up in drinking.

But it will eventually be old news and people won’t really bother saying those things anymore. No one ever talks to me about the fact I don’t drink anymore. It’s so normal and people have gotten used to it. It’s also not something I feel self conscious about anymore. I don’t smoke, have never smoked and drinking is now pretty much the same as smoking to me. Something so alien that I don’t even think about it or care what anyone thinks.

So keep going. It will definitely get easier and you are miles ahead of all those people who may be questioning their drinking in years to come and wanting to quit. I can guarantee you that a few of those folks will come to you for advice in a few years time and want to know how you did it.

Completely understand why you don’t drink if it helps with a chronic health condition. Anyone who can’t understand that is an idiot.

however, if you aren’t drinking why wouldn’t you drive? I don’t always drink and when I don’t I am very happy to be be designated driver, why would you not?

I'm pretty much alcohol-free now too. I had a few beers on holiday where I didn't have to worry about the fact alcohol makes me sleepy but I choose alcohol free beer and cider at home. I just say I can't tolerate it now- I don't give a damn what people might think, it really is their problem.

I has exactly the same issue. I stopped drinking because it had started to make me, even after an occasional glass of wine, feel poorly.
Boy friend at the time kept on with the comments - go on, have one, you can’t eat xxx without a glass of Rioja. Etc.
I stopped buying wine, but he’d show up and complain that there was nothing to drink. I suggested he bring his own if it was so important, but he still moaned, called me dull, puritanical etc.
I ended it because he wouldn’t stop. I think it’s a generational thing. Today’s teenagers are much less bothered about alcohol.

people who drink alcohol look dehydrated to me. It’s very ageing. They also can’t fathom how you can deal with life sober.

Tell those fools that since you started sniffing morphine and heroin, you find booze a waste of time; but worse, it also spoils your glorious high.

We both stopped drinking after the shock realisation of a family member’s problem. They have done very well but it has left me with a deep personal aversion to alcohol. I don’t talk about it or criticise anyone else’s drinking, I just order something else but what has surprised me is the number of people who do the ‘go on, just one to look sociable ’ or ‘ but why don’t you drink ?’ . Don’t they consider for a moment that someone not drinking could be struggling with sobriety and their probing could make things harder ?

People project, don’t they. I stopped drinking a few years ago, I was getting emotionally dependent on it after having a real shitty time in my life. I’m only young myself, not a very social person really, I don’t enjoy going out with lots of people etc, but when I do, it is very interesting to watch how people drink or project their need to HAVE to have a drink in order to socialize, onto the people that aren’t.

Does that make sense? Anyway good for you, you don’t have to justify your decisions to anyone whatsoever, especially health related ones. Wishing you well xx

I stopped drinking about 5 years ago because of a medical condition and felt friends were quite uncomfortable with it. Unlike when I stopped smoking 10 years ago, when people would congratulate you on giving up a health damaging habit, there seems to be no positive recognition that you have beaten societal pressure to take a health damaging drug out of your life. Instead, you are made to feel like a puritan.

My husband is an alcoholic and finally gave up drinking nearly 5 years ago. He has done incredibly well and we are so proud of him.
So many people we know were dicks about it. It's like people felt threatened by the fact he was acknowledging that he had an addiction when some of them drank to the same levels as he was.
Interestingly, I got my fair share of shit comments too. "Why are you making him stop drinking?" Etc.
I still have an acquaintance who I only see at big events (birthdays, weddings etc) and who will offer to buy a round and deliberately ask what beer DH wants, when I say zero alcohol I get a comment like "oh yeh I forgot you made him boring".

I barely drink and the more those numpties try to make me, the less inclined I am to comply. Sheep.

I'm sorry to hear of your health, OP. I hope things look up for you, shortly.

People offer me food, tell me I can have 'just one' or 'have more' and similar even though I am on a weight loss journey to avoid the types of health conditions that my parents have as a result of obesity.

I think they are nice and trying to be social but I have to be strong and do what is right for me. Saying 'no, thank you,' has become easier with practice and time.

@JohnWickAteMyHamsterwow. These eejits are boring whether they’re drunk or sober, aren’t they?

You have to change the reason you’re telling people. I also stopped 11 months ago and nobody ever pressures me because I say the drink makes me a mean drunk so I stopped 😂 Nobody wants a bad drunk around.

Only person who’s been weird is my 80yo neighbour who asked if I was an alcoholic when I said I don’t drink. But then she also sends me photos of my house constantly informing me of things she finds suspicious. Like me opening my windows.

As a non-drinker, I’ll offer a lift to anyone who wants to leave at the same time I do, but in all honesty, I start getting bored once people reach a certain level of booziness and that point is usually at least an hour or two before they want to go home.

I've only ever had grief about not drinking from alcoholics. One did the 'You're no fun' and the other was absolutely furious at how humiliating it would be for him if I wasn't seen drinking alcohol in public and at home every evening/I'm too common as middle class families drink every night/ people will think I'm an alcoholic if I don't drink alcohol/ etc.

They were both wankers, drunk or (rarely) sober. In the end, whilst the original tantrums were both in response to me not actually fancying a drink in the same way that sometimes you don't fancy a coffee or a peanut butter sandwich, it ended up that I have no contact with either of them. These days, the only alcohol I have is sake or mirin when cooking.