AIBU to think the term illegitimate children is outdated and offensive?

[TheAverageJoanne]

I heard someone talking about illegitimate children this morning. I thought that disappeared in the 60s, except perhaps on the TV show where people are reunited with babies given up for adoption. It's offensive and unfair.

Well it's obviously outdated if you noticed it used for the first time in years and were shocked by this. I think its fair enough in legal or historical contexts but I agree it's not a term to be used to define a child. My dad still says 'out of wedlock' but he doesn't mean it in a disparaging way it's just the term he uses eg 'did your friend Kate ever marry or did she have her son out of wedlock'. He also uses the term pre marital sex which makes me laugh, I don't know anyone who uses that anymore. We are irish Catholic

I’m sorry you think I was having a go. I’m not. It’s not a moral judgement.

But people who are unmarried parents - especially women who are likely to be lower earning and lose out financially after childbirth- need to be aware of the consequences of swerving the legal contract, whether that’s marriage or a civil partnership. These pieces of paper matter for legal and financial protection and few do wills or life insurance etc in place of these contracts where they don’t marry/ enter civil partnership.

What about love child?

What financial protection did I miss out on by not being married? Genuine question BTW. Because spousal maintenance isn't a thing in 99% of cases. Child maintenance is due whether you were married or not, and is easily swerved anyway. And we didn't own anything.

There is a family trust in my family where it is specified the beneficiaries are mine and my siblings legitimate heirs.

Not that old either. Suppose it’s also to prevent a beneficiary popping up in twenty years that we didn’t know about

So my Grandad (born 1914) had dementia in the 1990s & I remember one of his sayings was “I’m not a bad old bastard, am I??”.. I didn’t really think much of it until after he died in 2003, one of my Mum’s cousins researched her ancestors & discovered that in fact, my Great Grandfather had TWO large families & my Grandad had belonged to his second family!!

Basically my Great Grandfather left his first wife & children (there were 11 of them but I think possibly 5 at least died in infancy). Then he did not get a divorce (working class people could not afford it); but bigamously married his second wife, my Great Grandmother, in 1900 approx & had 11 children with her (2 died in infancy). One of those 11 children was my Grandad.

I had just assumed that my Grandad didn’t know that his parents weren’t legally married, but then I remembered his saying, that he was a “bastard” and I think he must have known the truth after all!
In fact literally his last words before he died were, “I wasn’t a bad old bastard, was I??” so I said “no of course not Grandad” then he became unconscious. :(

If you don’t own anything at all it won’t make a difference I suppose. For people with assets, it does.

Why would the term ‘brainstorming’ not be used anymore?

'Brainstorm' is a medical condition that can be suffered by people with brain injury, so I suppose using it to refer to a corporate ideas generating technique might be considered as trivialising the medical condition.

I'm not saying I agree with this, but I think that is the reason.

I never use “illegitimate”. I call myself a bastard instead.

One son is married with two children. Other son with partner and one child. We make no distinction between them. We updated our wills last year and have treated the mothers of our grandchildren exactly the same.

I'm a granny aged 79 and would never use the word. Outdated apart from legal use.

Cannot believe how many people think the term is okay. It’s completely derogatory and used to look down on others, no other reason (even though there is no reason in this day and age). Get a grip!

Awful phrase to use!

The idea of a person not being a legitimate person 😢

Obviously yes if talking about a historical situation as a pp said but otherwise no

Of course it is. Half the country has kids outside of marriage it’s not shameful anymore. And literally anyone can inherit if named in a will so ‘legitimacy’ is nonsense now.

They can if the parents later marry even after their birth. Legitimacy act of 1926.

Great song by Diana Ross and the Supremes.

It apportions far too much significance to fathers for modern life.

Absolutely useful for historical explanations of lineage etc. another pp mentioned unwed mums giving up illegitimate babies and now not wanting to meet them due to the ‘shame’-seen this several times on Who do You Think You are. 🙁

My DH did his family tree: he discovered he was born ‘out of wedlock’ and that his parents had not been truthful re marriage date. I don’t think he’s particularly bothered but it was all a big surprise. I think his mum changed her name via deedpoll so it looked like she and his dad were actually married 🤣 It was probably incredibly important back in the 70s in a small town.