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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

WWYD - School Decisions One

6 replies

JemappelleClaude · 11/08/2026 21:46

We have a school choice to make for my DS who is going into nursery. We're in a different country now, so the school starts are imminent. In our area you can go to your local school (ours frankly is crap by all accounts) or you can apply to go to a neighbouring school if there is space. I could use thoughts here on what we should do with the following options we have/may have. Options here are not private schools.

School 1 – 3.5 miles from us, not on my way to work but I could add it in pretty easily, it would add 30 mins to my drop off/pick up times (15 mins there/back down etc.), it belongs to the school district we are in, very highly regarded, top scores across the board, local residents are very wealthy so it is very well funded through donations, class sizes are capped at 20, likely at least a teacher and dedicated helper per classroom. The school district is struggling financially (but specifically not this school), teachers are striking and there may be occasional last-minute days off when the whole district goes out. There are rumours of bullying issues at this school for older children.

School 2 – 1 mile from us, I pass it on my way to work. It has the lowest scored academics of a handful of public schools in a very small niche district, but is still significantly better than the school we live next to. It is quite racially diverse (which we like). The families are very normal, very nice. I have a work permit as I work nearby and can apply for space if they aren’t full. Class sizes will be between 20-26 and will have a teacher and a floating helper who goes between the young children’s classes. Our DS has been on site at school 2 many times for DD and is familiar with the layout, some teachers etc.

DD age 6 is in school 2 and has been a few years, we applied for school 1 for her and didn’t get a space.We love the parents, the school, the head teacher, but it is treated a little like a starter school. A lot of people move on quite quickly and apply to one of the other area schools, private school etc. People refer to it as “the permit school”. Our DD has done very well socially, but is struggling academically (reading issues, we wouldn’t be surprised to hear ADHD or dyslexia one day), the teacher has noticed and DD hasn’t received any help from the school. If DS got in here, he would get my DD’s old nursery teacher who we know and love.

DS age 4 has unexpectedly received a space in school 1 but not school 2 (yet), so my children have opposite allocations. School 1 starts tomorrow. School 2 doesn’t start for another 2 weeks, so permit spaces are unknown. DS is very young for his year, just had his birthday. DS is neurodivergent and is very gifted which is why we aren’t holding him back a year. He taught himself to read at age 2, he can do multiplication already, he is "different". He struggles socially but has come on a lot and in new situations just shuts down. He went to a welcome morning this week at school 1 and liked it. The teachers are nice, the resources are pretty endless. If he stayed at school 1 we would likely get at least a few years out of it vs school 2 where we know he will get bored quickly and would likely be at private school a year from now.

We are going to have to start him in school 1 tomorrow or be marked absent. We reached out to the school 2 head teacher and administrator to ask on status but haven’t heard back, so it doesn’t feel promising, I know they are significantly overenrolled this year for his year group in school 2's district. If a school 2 space opens up after he starts school 1 I feel like the changing schools will be emotionally damaging/confusing given his young age and ND. I want my children in the same school for logistical ease but think that School 1 might be better for him in the long run. There would be the option to move my DD to school 1 next year if my DS is there this year and we like it more.

YABU stay at School 1 put up with the logistics for one year
YANBU if school 2 offers a space move him to be with his sibling

OP posts:
FalconHonour33 · 11/08/2026 23:49

I'd put him in School 1 if you know he's got a space and it will work for him. Never been in the situation myself, being an only child, but my cousins spent their entire Secondary school careers at separate schools because the younger one DIDN'T get a place at her sister's, even with the sibling preference. You don't want to be scrambling if there isn't room for him in school 2 after all...

JemappelleClaude · 12/08/2026 00:43

@FalconHonour33 that is where we are at now, we have sibling preference and no spot which i am sort of taking as a sign from the school gods, though my husband thinks I am insane :)

OP posts:
PurpleMarshmallowSky · 12/08/2026 00:59

Sounds like school 1 is a better fit for DS. And hopefully will give DD a way in if school 2 are not meeting her needs and she wants to move, although if she is doing well socially at school 2 there is no guarantee school 1 will help her academically.

Will DD have a new teacher in two weeks? What will you do if both children thrive at different schools, could you sustain the double drop off and pick up for longer than you’re currently anticipating?

JemappelleClaude · 12/08/2026 01:11

@PurpleMarshmallowSky DD will have a new teacher in 2 weeks, and I don't know any of the so it will be interesting see how she does this year. We ultimately see them being at different schools years from now when it matters more. Our son son is a tiny math geek, loves it. DD is an arts child, but does like STEM. They are just opposite sides of the coin in every which way and despite it being easier for us, the square peg round hole applies here. The extra drive is do-able, but not ideal. I know this is really a first world problem, but I would love for them to be together for one year, I think i'm going to have to get over it though.

OP posts:
Stompythedinosaur · 12/08/2026 01:28

The more academic school seems like a better fit. The lack of support your dd has had would worry me.

JemappelleClaude · 12/08/2026 18:45

Thanks everyone, I appreciate the insights. As an update I sent him into school 1 today and bless his little cotton socks, he bounced right in. Both DH and I are amazed. There were other children clinging and crying and my usually attached to my hip ND child went right in. I forgot his bag because I have no brain today, he saw us take it in, grabbed it from me and ran back to his queue of friends. I've never been more proud. I'm taking this as a sign from the gods that maybe school 1 is the right one for us.

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