To not want to stay with PILs after these comments from FIL.

[RedIvy18]

We stay with them a couple of times a year as they live quite far away, but I'm increasingly uncomfortable around FIL after a few comments he has made over the years:

Telling me that my braces make my lips stick out and then doing an impression by pushing his lips out.

Telling me that a dress "makes my figure look great, especially as it's black". Gave me the ick!

When I announced that I was pregnant with DS and planning on going back to work he said "if they'll have you back" implying that they might fire me due to having a baby!

The journey is a long one and very stressful, I don't get much time off and just can't be bothered after the most recent comment to spend time with someone who makes me feel uncomfortable. They come to visit us fairly regularly but stay in a hotel so it's less intense than being around them all the time!

I would refuse to go again, let DH go on his own.

Let them come to you!

You should've called him out about the pregnancy remark about work. Told him about employment law. Made him look foolish.

But yeah just don't go. He sounds like a knob.

@BillieWiper I would have but to be fair my MIL did there and then!

@RedIvy18 - it seems like you just don't want to bother going and coming up with reasons. FIL said something questionable, MIL told him off. End of story.
It's really not that deep, as my teens say.

If it's a long journey and you are tired being pregnant, or you have a small child - just tell your H you don't want to go. No need to blow it up into a bigger conflict than needed.

@Sashya I appreciate your opinion. I do hate the journey!
What do you think about the comments on my appearance? Do you think I am overreacting?

Yes you're overreacting to someone from a different generation who doesn't move with the times. Why give it headspace?

Well that's one positive! I mean if she's there to call him out and tell him he's being a knob maybe it won't be quite so bad. If you plus her basically mock his sexist or prejudiced comments he's bound to stop? Not that you should have to spend your time correcting the speech of a grown man!

I stopped going to visit my in laws )very long flight ) because both of them would often be rude or ignorant. I did it for years for dh’s sake, then because I was struggling with the journey anyway I suddenly asked myself why the fuck I was doing that long stressful journey to stay with people that didn’t like me.

To be fair though your Mil might be upset.

You say he's made these comments "over the years". I think three questionable comments over a period of years isn't that bad. Don't you ever have foot in mouth moments?

Personally I think if he makes you feel uncomfortable then you should trust your gut instinct. It’s all well and good saying he’s from a different generation but there are plenty of old men that aren’t leery and annoying! Maybe try to go a bit low contact and blame the long journey and kids etc.

He sounds like a misogynistic twat I wouldn’t bother going if I were you.

Extremely rude and your husband should have also had a word.
Refuse to go.
Send him on his own as you are no longer tolerating the rudeness.

You will be delighted with this line in the sand before the baby arrives.
Do it.

Of course I do, everyone does. But these comments seem quite intentional. He is generally quite negative and difficult to be around, outdated views and patronising! DH agrees that he is hard work.

Only the pregnancy comment was made when others were around. I told my DH the other day about the appearance ones. He offered to have a word with him but I said I would call it out myself if it happens again.

Could you go and stay in a hotel so your visit is more bearable? Just as they do for you. At least you are less likely to be encountering him on your own.

3 commnera over years and one of them mil shot down

I think your looking for excuse not to go

Call him out on everything. I'd JUST about say the "if they'll have you back" might have been a really stupid joke, but pick at everything to show how rude/stupid he's being: "Why, has my boss ever spoken with you? Did she say I wasn't good? Don't you realise maternity laws have existed since you were at school?" and when he says it was just a joke, ask where the humour was.
Either husband and MIL will back you, or if they don't, say clearly you're not happy with me, and I'm not happy with these comments, and either they stop, or I don't want to spend time here. Which is it?
Sending your husband on his own won't solve this.

He’s your FIL, not your soulmate.

??

This. I mean, the man is clearly an idiot, but that’s no surprise.

You don’t have to like him. He’s only in your life by accident, because of who you married.

I'd go to support my DH and to maintain a relationship with his mum who has stood up for you. Does your DH visit your family? My DH bravely spent frequent summer holidays with my extended family and never murmured a whimper.

We visited his GPs many times in the early years (every 6 weeks or so for Sunday lunch - it was a 2hr drive each way) and later I was glad I did. His GD was a well meaning man but stuck in his generation.

As for FIL, you can practise your chilly smile - a good skill for mums everywhere. Or go with, 'What do you mean? I don't understand. Can you explain?' asked in a dippy tone of voice so that he has to explain his ridiculous comment(s). Since MIL is on his case, you can be pretty blatant b/c if he complains to her later, she'll probably set him straight.

Some of his comments sound like awkward 'jokes' that boomers, especially male ones, make. Some gen x men are growing into their fathers' comments...

(Regarding the work comment: even my lovely MIL was surprised to learn that pregnancy doesn't equal a swift dismissal these days and that was nearly 20yrs ago)