AIBU to feel fed up seeing holiday posts when we cannot go?

[Stressedoutmummyof3]

Just a whinge more than AIBU because I am. I'm so sick of seeing posts about people on holiday, I've come of Facebook and don't have anything else apart from MN. Even worse is people moaning about being on holiday.
I haven't been on holiday for 6 years. Firstly it was COVID, then for a couple of years we couldn't afford it, now we can't go because of DSs needs (I'm talking smearing poo at night as an example) and I obviously don't want him to come to harm or for him to ruin the place we're staying.
Even worse we always used to go to the local splash park (it's not really local over an hour drive) but you can no longer buy tickets or access the pool until 1pm. So if you turn up at 1 and holiday makers are still there you can't go in. I'm not going to drive for an hour just to be told sorry we're full.
We've had such lovely weather this year but we can't enjoy it because we can't go on holiday and can't go to the water park. Sure we can go swimming but it's not the same probably fully booked and it's too hot for the park.
I know people have real problems and this is totally a me issue but I'm so fed up of being at home. Do other people get this? How do you stop the bordem especially if lot's of things are off limits because you have a child with SEN. I just feel like I'm going out of mind with bordem .
I suppose I'm just super jealous. PILs have taken SIL, her husband and kids away and while I know why we weren't invited it's just another holiday I'll be told about while knowing we'll probably never have a holiday again.

It’s not too hot to take your children to the park in the morning, give them a couple of hours to run around, then spread out the picnic blanket. Stop in for ice cream on the way home. Or make a special day of their favourite movies with homemade pizza or ice cream sundaes. Does your town have a library or museum with kid’s events?

Yanbu, i have a friend in a similar situation who feels similarly and is mourning for a life she thought she would have.

They've invested in a pool.at home - more like an oversized paddling pool which has helped and theyve been doing simplified versions of world foods to bring other countries to them.

Its not the same though and my friend finds herself wishing away the summer hols and hiding from social media and group chats on bad days.

Are you in any support groups? My friend has found a place that offers day trips for kids similar to her DD so she can have the odd day out with people who aren't staring/judging

Are there Send sessions on at places nearby? I know there are here like at the swimming pool, bowling etc Could you have a look on the Local Offer Pages at your council they should have a list

Given the weather, we are doing things early or in the evenings.

-a 6am run to the coast, Arrive at 7, walk on the beach, paddle, bacon butties, build sandcastles. Leave when it gets too hot/busy.
-paddle boarding on the local brook.
-sailing lesson on gravel pits
-early morning dog walks along the canal with a bird book and bins.
-one of those bought treasure hunts round our nearest cathedral town.
-I borrowed quoits and a croquet set for the garden, plus outdoor dartboard.

Although I realise OP may struggle to get out early if one child is SN.

its really tough. I know other people in a similar situation. My local council has put on lots of activities in local areas, so that mix be an idea to look for.

I do understand about the life you thought you would have.

We had many years of camping because we couldn’t afford anything else. It is what it is. Eventually finances improved.

Re your child’s needs though, you do have my sympathy. Isn’t there anywhere that caters for children with SEN, even if it isn’t somewhere you’d normally choose? I thought I saw ads from either TUI or Jet2 advertising how they helped families with children with SEN.

Hello op similar boat here.
It's just exhausting all the extra hurdles and factoring in an escape plan on days out so we mostly stay home. I find it's definitely me that finds it more boring my audhd son is in his happy place.
I find I need to keep myself going with little projects and the evenings I need something to look forward to. Good series to watch or hobbies. Would it be possible for you to get out more on your own? Do something you love? I know that's not a option for all and often I'm too exhausted to even do anything of a evening if we've had multiple meltdowns during the day.

Mine did eventually stop the poo smearing but I know that's not the case for all so I really feel for you on that. That in itself is exhausting.

I also have family that will tell me of the wonderful holidays they've been on and I've had to distance myself (many other reasons too) its just not healthy for me to directly hear others very very different lives.

Like a pp mentioned we got a glorified paddling pool for £130 that's given us another activity and is a great source of regulation for my children. I'm not sure if that's a option for you. We even got secondhand wet suits for when it's not so warm.

I know areas vary but I think most people assume there is a lot more sen options in the holidays(or any other time) than there is. Where I am there is nothing.

Solidarity op 💐 it's really boring.

If a giant paddling pool is an option it’s great. My cousin has one and kids went in it at the weekend absolutely loved it they were in it most of the day and I would love to have one our garden not big enough or I definitely would

But its not been too hot every day? We're not going away either but have gone swimming loads, gone to the beach (1.5 hour drive), loads of park, playground, library, visiting family. It's been lovely.

There are lots of things to do, the heat hasn't stopped us from beach days, parks, forest picnics and local tourist spots! You may have to plan ahead and not be sporadic, but there is definitely fun to be had!

I get it. We haven’t been able to go on holiday due to a house move and other things and it has been a bit rubbish. Here are some of the things we have done if they are of interest:

1. Daily swimming at the local leisure centre
2. Library - ours are doing a reading challenge and they do arts and crafts
3. We have been into Manchester to the free museums and art gallery’s and taken a picnic
4. Park and taken a picnic
5. Picking blackberries and baking
6. At home arts and crafts
7. Downstairs den and popcorn (this one is great as I can leave them to it)
8. RHS and other national parks with a picnic

We are trying to stop spending excessively so are sticking to a budget (or trying to) of £50 a week for treats

Your feelings are understandable, I'd also be frustrated by not being able to go on holiday.

Do you have a garden? You could try to emulate a vacation at home...buy a kiddie pool, make a mini "bar", a sun bed and parasol...

But there are more things to do than a water park or holiday and gently if your child is capable of both, then they can do other things, so you don’t need to stay at home?

Have you come across the idea of radical acceptance? Might be worth finding out more about it.

We don't have holidays now due to it being too difficult with the needs of SEN DC.

I'm sorry, that sounds really tough. I think it's one thing to be unable to go on holiday but another to be unable to even enjoy things you were previously unable to do instead. And I totally get how hard it is to see other people enjoying themselves in a way that you would like to be able to.

I really hope for you that you that things get easier and you can enjoy a lovely holiday in the near future.

It is crap (I have a child with medical needs and totally get it).
Make a list of what you can do, where you can go. Find the SEND activities. Have you a local parent carer forum who could direct you to events?

Make yourself a flexible holiday time table. This involves a little relaxation time for you if possible.

Soon it will be dark nights and rain and we will all be hibernating again....

I don't know if he's capable of a holiday though. Selfishly it's me who wants to go on holiday but I'm not going to do that while his needs are so high. He loves anything to do with water but that's it. We tried an animal park and an interactive science museum (which I thought he'd love) but he wasn't interested and at the animal park just wanted to go in the play area
Physically he might be six but mentally he's 12 months, (according to his assessment in June) and that makes it even harder. As much as possible I try to follow his wants so swimming, water play and parks but nothing else holds his attention.
We have a large paddling pool which he loved last year but this year he won't go in it, even though he still loves going to the pool.
I just feel a bit trapped. I can't work because of his needs and I feel like the walls of the house are closing in on me.
MIL has just sent me some photos on WhatsApp from their holiday. I don't think she did it to be cruel but it feels like a slap in the face.

I also am not going on holiday but I don’t mind. Surely the fact the weather is nice is a good thing? You can have a holiday at home. Today we have got the train to the Yorkshire Dales (about 40 mins) and gone for a walk and a wild swim. You don’t need to spend much money to have nice days out.

I sympathise about MIL. PIL go on holiday several times a year and DP used to tell me all about it, they send him photos etc until I asked him to stop.
We can't afford to go anywhere, and I can't see how we ever will be able to. It just felt completely thoughtless so I totally get what you're saying about the slap in the face. Can't they think?!

It’s not just missing out this year though is it? It is worry for the future and if it will ever be possible to go on a holiday and also mourning for the life you thought you would have. I too cannot work due to caring for a child with SN, although my son is now older than yours and I get the feeling of frustration when everyone around you is getting on with their life and you are in limbo.

Basically YANBU to feel fed up. I know on other days you feel more positive but it is very hard when even family don’t have any idea how hard it is.

And people are responding about things you could do and missing the point that your child can’t do these things or won’t do these things. It is hard.

How far from the coast are you? Could you get up early as described by PP and take DC to the beach?

Depending on your finances, what about somewhere like Centre Parks? Go term time when its quieter and cheaper. Pools are amazing and may tire your little one out enough to sleep more deeply at night. Take one of your parents or an inlaw or relative if any of them would be up to a little babysitting to give you an actual break.

Oh almost forgot YANBU. Not at all.

About 2 hours so it is doable but I haven't ever driven that far with him and would probably need another adult with me, which is sometimes possible. DH mentioned going to the beach on Thursday so perhaps we will try it. As I said I don't really know how DS will react to it but just be prepared to come home if it doesn't work.

Yes it's incredibly hard and I know it's hard to understand what it's like unless you are living it as we obviously are.
Like you said I would love to do all the things people have suggested on this thread but I know he won't cope with most of them. Having a child with SEN is totally different to having a NT child. I know you get it but I don't think others do