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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to want different arrangements for stressful family visits abroad?

13 replies

Mum3202 · 09/08/2026 20:40

DH and I live in the UK with our toddler and all our family is abroad. We visit as often as we can which is usually twice a year. We save up most of our annual leave for these trips. We are going soon and instead of looking forward to it, I’m actually dreading it. When we go we stay at our parents house (1 week in each). For different reasons both mine and DH’s siblings moved back with their parents. Mine with one of his kids and my dh’s sibling with their partner and kid. My parents house is a 3 bed flat and when we are there there’s 7 people in. My sibling works nights but my parents need to wake him up (despite him being 50yo) so the alarm goes off at 1am. His child he’s used to have his GPs for himself and gets quite jealous and attention seeking whilst we are there, which I know it’s not his fault but it doesn’t make it easy. My DH’s sibling is very loud and opinionated so it makes most conversations very intense. This is our only summer holiday and I already know I won’t be relaxing. But the worst thing is that I feel that my child doesn’t get to enjoy the GPs and get their attention due to the circumstances. I don’t remember the last time I was able to have a proper conversation with my parents without the other grandkid starting asking for things. What would you do? Continue doing things this way? Book accommodation for a few days? AIBU - this is normal and I should be ok and don’t expect more AINBU - we need to change the way we do things

OP posts:
Dozer · 09/08/2026 20:44

Sounds stressful. Would reduce the time spent there in order to have some annual leave left for nicer things. And would get accommodation if you can afford it.

It’s unfortunately unrealistic to expect your parents and DC’s grandparents to make time for your DC if they consistently prioritise your brother and his DC. Wouldn’t push that.

Sleepytimepleaseee · 09/08/2026 20:54

Definitely book your own accommodation. Then arrange day trips out so you can spend quality time with your parents without everyone else.

Ilovegermany · 09/08/2026 20:59

Book accommodation. I’m the other way round. I’m abroad family are in UK. It’s the only way it works.

MJagain · 10/08/2026 15:23

Book some accommodation so you can all sleep well

.
invite your parents out for day trips / evening meals

Shoxfordian · 10/08/2026 15:25

Book accommodation and/or ask them to come see you one year if there's more space

MrsTerryPratchett · 10/08/2026 15:25

Book bigger accommodation and host there. Territory is half the battle.

KnickerlessParsons · 10/08/2026 15:28

"Thank you for your hospitality all these years we've been visiting you, but now that the kids are getting older, we think it might be easier to get our own accommodation nearby this year. Looking forward to seeing you, Mum3202 xx"

theneighbourhadaparrot · 10/08/2026 15:28

When we go we stay at our parents house (1 week in each).

one week split between them, one week in an AirBnB for you alone.

AgnesX · 10/08/2026 15:31

Go on your own summer holiday without descending on your parents. Doesn't sound particularly easy for them either. Do they ever come to you?

MissyB1 · 10/08/2026 15:34

Yeah couple of nights at the most with each of them, the rest of the time in your own accommodation.
My in laws live in South Africa, long ago I realised that all of us being under the same roof didn’t work! We book our own place.

Likeiloveyou · 10/08/2026 15:37

Go for one week and book your own accommodation

jeaux90 · 10/08/2026 15:42

Why do you do this? Just go once a year, invite them over, book your own accommodation etc… so many ways to avoid this

Bonkers1966 · 10/08/2026 15:44

Do not stay there again. Book Airbnb.

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