AIBU to want to celebrate a friend beyond the usual milestones?

[HaveYouSeenThatLadysHat]

How can I include my friend who's preferences in life don't lean towards the usual milestones?

I have the loveliest friend who is single ( sort of by choice but she has a very specific type and doesn't really need anyone ) and likely will stay that way as she is happy that way. She has an amazing career in a niche field, is thoughtful and lovely but I can't help feel she never has her efforts reciprocated through gifts and celebrations in the same way my other friends do. I'm pregnant currently, other friends are married etc and whenever we have made our announcements she is the first to send gifts and congratulations, but I feel like that's because society recognises these things as 'worthy' of being celebrated. I'm starting to feel quite bad for her that she goes to so many weddings, hen do's, baby showers, engagement parties etc but because she isn't participating in similar milestones she isn't getting as much fuss I guess from our friend group. I want to celebrate things she does but not sure my other friends recognise where I'm coming from here and seem to think it would be an unnecessary expense to, for example cover her part of a meal to celebrate her promotion. Idk, aibu to think all people deserve to be celebrated including those who don't conform to the norm? Or is it me who has it wrong and professional achievements etc don't need celebrating as adults?

You sound like a lovely thoughtful friend 💕 I would absolutely celebrate your friends promotion even if other friends don’t want to. I’m sure she’d appreciate a congratulations card.

Yes of course celebrate other thing.

I’ve not had a standard life, I’ve never married and I’m in my 50s.

I would have loved to have a friend who celebrated my little or big wins with me.

Wow! Didin’t think considerate people like you existed. You sound like an amazing friend. You should do it! I’m sure she’d appreciates the effort and though.

You sound very thoughtful and kind but maybe she doesn’t need to have “milestones” celebrated.

I’m a bit like your friend in the sense that I have never wanted fuss about getting married and find weddings really tedious (I have been married but it was a very functional wedding for logistical reasons).

I don’t really care about this sort of thing: I am happy to celebrate it for others but don’t want it for myself. Being the centre of attention at a big wedding is my idea of hell.

Have you asked her about it?

Well, presumably she also has other friends who don’t live on some kind of treadmill of marriages and babies being the only cause for celebrations? I mean, I’m married with a teenager, but we were never engaged, only had two witnesses at our wedding, and I’m not sure I know anyone who had a baby shower. My big celebrations have been things like passing my doctoral viva, finishing books, housewarmings, birthdays etc. And I have childfree friends who make their own celebrations — divorces, relocations, new jobs etc. I agree with @Thepeopleversuswork. Ask her.

ETA And I caused consternation and disbelief on here recently by saying that I don’t know when our wedding anniversary is, and that we never celebrate it.

Surely it's fairly standard to celebrate a friend's promotion with a meal or small gift?

Same - never had any of these things, married with only four friends present and no family, no engagement or hen do, 4 kids but no baby showers.

This sounds like my Auntie, she’s so lovely but never got married or had children. I just randomly send her things like chocolateS and flowers out of the blue for no reason! Maybe send her something in the post totally to anything and just put on the tag ‘for being a lovely person’ would she like flowers? Or had she been after a new gadgets or food item?

Married mums also have promotions. So your friend group might not decide that a promotion gets a meal out, because most people get lots of promotions over their life, whereas the average number of marriages is probably 1 (I'm just guessing the those who have several are balanced out by those who have none).
So a promotion is noteworthy but not exceptional.
I would give a card and maybe a small gift for a promotion but not a meal out. Although for a wedding, they feed me. If its a specific job that they've been working towards you could suggest it. But you might start something that people in your group can't keep up with.

You sound delightful OP.

And I caused consternation and disbelief on here recently by saying that I don’t know when our wedding anniversary is, and that we never celebrate it.

I do know roughly when mine is, but have to think carefully every year whether it’s the day before or after my Birthday (it was a long time ago!) We marked our first anniversary, but that was pre-dc, and to be honest, it got forgotten, for the most part, in among children/school holidays/going away/ my Birthday! One or other of us will probably remark upon it at some point during the day, and we might have a celebratory glass of wine, if there’s any around. I don’t think it matters, as long as both parties feel the same level of disinterest!

You sound an amazing friend.

Yes you are right people should be celebrates for who they are and not just what they do.

My closest friends and I do this.

Might be because when we met after marriage and kids etc.