Husband blames Mumsnet

[Howtorespond]

if I challenge my husband’s bullying, or disagree, I’m told “here we go, it’s Mumsnet again”, or “f*ing Mumsnet”, or “what does Mumsnet say”. I’m really worn down.

Just tell him, MN says LTB! 😂

'Are you really that insecure that you have to blame all your own shortcomings on the imaginary opinions of strangers?'

Followed by a tinkly laugh and a small head shake.

Or hit him with an ODFOD 😆

Is he joking? Sometimes my husband says “Right post it on AIBU and see what they say” but he’s doing it as a joke to diffuse tension.

I'd start listening to Mumsnet if I were you. Why are you still with someone who bullies you?

My Dad used to say similar to my Mum, only it wasn’t Mumsnet, it was Woman’s Realm!

What @VimesandhisCardboardBoots said.

This sounds like it's probably quite a long term lack of love and respect. Just from what you've said here I'm wondering - why are you trying to argue with someone who bullies you rather than leaving them?

You're right Colin, and I've just asked Mumsnet and they said LTB.

Oh my God, never tell your husband you are on Mumsnet, none of his goddam business.

He wants to separate you from any support structure he can. Do you have friends to support you? Family?

Hundreds of people on MN with one opinion versus one of him with an opposing view... The numbers should tell him something.

(Although, to be fair, if I thought my DP was sharing our problems with complete strangers I'd be mortified.)

Tbh, this. Have you posted about him on MN before and then used the responses to confront him?

Stop telling him you are posting your problems on MN.

This.

He has a point!

Oh have the women been talking again and challenging his manly authority. Poor love.

Have you ever spoken to women's aid, or a solicitor/WikiVorce website?

A life free of your bully is out there.

He does have a point. They always act like the only authority anyone should ever listen to for relationship advice but half of them aren’t even with anyone. You usually know the ‘I would finish with him’ ones don’t actually have anyone to finish with anyway 😂

Hmm. I have noticed in myself that some of my more challenging views do root from MN!

Your "authority" on the demographics of MN is truly impressive

Hi, no I’ve not posted about him but I’ve read lots of posts from posters with difficult and controlling husbands, and it’s helped me for sure with realising it’s unacceptable and with ways to rise above it if I can. It’s not an easy marriage, but a very long one. I Am a bit ashamed really to have lost myself so much.

I have been referred to WA by my gp, done the Freedom programme and spoken to a solicitor. I know this is sounding ridiculous but I’m so afraid of the manipulation and denial that he’s unkind, bullying, cruel. He just says ‘no I’m not’ if I say ‘you are being…’ or ‘no you’re not’ when I say I’m upset with something he’s done. He’s an ace at letting me down in public. I am scared after 30 years of how to do it alone.

If he bullies you, then MN is automatically the bad guy - in the same way as the police are the bad guy to a bank robber. Anything that threatens to stop you getting away with your nasty plans and provides support and sunlight to your victims must be blamed and scoffed at.

Thank you all for your responses so far. I’m not very au fait with quoting people but I appreciate your time. When I have an opinion eg on politics, holidays, anything really- and not only if it is an opinion he doesn’t share, the immediate response is always ‘oh did Mumsnet tell you that’. I used to deny it but arguing is utterly futile. So now I just say ‘hmm, something like that’. He constantly wants a reaction. It’s very trying and lonely. There’s not really any kindness and certainty no compassion or love. Everything I do is wrong. He said I sounded ‘retarded’ (a word I abhor) when talking to an airline operator about a cancelled flight - which was jolly complicated. For example.