Husband blames Mumsnet

[Howtorespond]

if I challenge my husband’s bullying, or disagree, I’m told “here we go, it’s Mumsnet again”, or “f*ing Mumsnet”, or “what does Mumsnet say”. I’m really worn down.

Oh the poor wee snowflake of a man 🙄.

It’s so hard when they turn the tables. My DH has said that I’ve started “acting afraid” whenever I back down & brace for aggro. There’s no need and he hasn’t done anything, and my actions will make DS scared of him. The lack of awareness is astounding! Thankfully MN is a safe space for women in these situations, he’s trying to take that too…

Sounds that way. Oh, I'm so sorry you're in this position.

Let's get down to basics. You face:

a: Possibly a shitty year then a peaceful, pleasant rest of your life

b: A shitty rest of your life

They never do it to men. Just women. Sadly, I’ve seen DH, BIL, and my dad acting out against me, my sister, my mother. Never with men. Yet they’d all be living alone in a bedsit, without us…

My ex husband actually named Mumsnet in the divorce process as contributing to the breakdown of our relationship

My friend's Mum left her husband the day before her 80th birthday! He'd been putting her down for the whole of her marriage and she suddenly woke up and thought "I've not got much time left to be happy".

She had 8 happy years living it up with her sister and her similarly aged friends. Less money but oh the freedom!

Sorry, he did what?!! Another person who perpetually blameless?

I'm sorry you're in this position @Howtorespond

You haven't said your age and if you work? Do you have any savings? You have qualifications, do you need to retrain?

Personally I would LTB (it's bastard I heard Justine on tv). You don't want to be caring for the arse of a man in old age. That's an earned ,privelage for a loving spouse not someone who doesn't even like you.
Get your half of the marital assets and buy yourself a small but pretty girl pad. Don't make it attractive to CFs.

Mumsnet can be a huge power of good. I've learnt lots over the 25+ years I've been a member. It maybe an online community but it's a female centric one and I'm afraid shitty men don't like it
Get on rightmove, play house and start your divorce.
Old bullies can become violent. Don't give him the chance. X

So are you still only 48? That’s so young! You could spend another 30 years (or more) if you stay. Doesn’t that thought frighten you more than leaving him?

Be brave OP. You’ll be so glad you did. Sending courage!

He knows there are plenty of intelligent women on here who can see straight through him and exactly what he is. He is threatened by this as he knows he is abusive towards you. Any outside opinion threatens his hold over you. He doesn't want you to have support or encouragement, it weakens his position.

So it makes sense he will try belittle you and everyone here. He is hoping you'll stop visiting or having any sort of opinion.

Have my first ever LTB. He sounds like yet another weak, inadequate man. Don't let him diminish you any further, you know who you are and you're much stronger than you think.

You mentioned the sunk costs fallacy, OP. But this isn’t £500, or £3000. It’s the rest of your life. And it could be a happy rest of your life. It really could. But that first step has to come from you.

😂

I know it’s difficult when you’ve been with a person for such a long time, but you are worth more than this. Think of your life a year from now, do you really want to be stuck this horrible man still? ❤️

@Apinkliehe said I spent too much time on it, rather than with him, and I preferred it to him - that was correct, I think! It’s 15 years ago. Don’t know if yo still have to list reasons for divorce these days, do you?

Do you want to spend the rest of your life with a bullying misogynist who clearly hates you?

It really is that simple at this point.

So what? People survive crashes every day. You pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start again. It is scary, but you have the rest of your life to figure it out. That life will be free of the abuse that's killing you slowly.

Please find your courage and leave. Yes, it will be difficult. Yes, it will be scary. However, it will also be exciting and you will discover that you are stronger than you know. You can do the hard things and triumph over them. You can be happy and content. I know this because I've done it. You can do it too.

@Apinklie probably most nights when the children had gone to bed and I was sat in front of the TV - nothing excessive really!

Awful men have always despised women talking to other women and postentialy getting advice and support.
They prefers us alone and trapped.

My husband loves mumsnet cause it has always helped us book holidays. He says check on mumsnet!

There's nothing that warms the heart like watching the Harpies of Mumsnet handhold some poor downtrodden wife through the realisation that her husband is a shit, and she can do just fine without him. He 's not wrong to be afraid.

OP, if you do Facebook, you may find this helpful, it's one women's relaying of leaving her abusive husband. Although depending on how controlling he is you may want to watch it with your sister on her FB account.

https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61576820222334