Husband blames Mumsnet

[Howtorespond]

if I challenge my husband’s bullying, or disagree, I’m told “here we go, it’s Mumsnet again”, or “f*ing Mumsnet”, or “what does Mumsnet say”. I’m really worn down.

😂 Tell him we're all waiting. We enjoy judging.

You do know from being on MN that you don't need to give a reason for divorcing these days - there are ' no fault ' divorces

and do you know that you can start your divorce online - it only takes a few minutes.

This website lays the whole process out for you

https://www.gov.uk/divorce/file-for-divorce

your ' children ' are now adults so need need for maintenance / CMS, no 50/50 etc

A fear of starting a train that may end in a crash

You're already in a crash.

My DH hates it when I tell him about threads I've read on MN. He says "not bloody Mumsnet again!" and switches off! 😳

It's a man/DH thing. Ignore lol. Tell him Mumsnet said so..! 😂😂😂

My abusive ex did this because he hated the fact I had people supporting my decisions or pointing out his behaviour wasn't abusive - it made it harder for him to gaslight me, something was stopping me being suspectible to his emotional abuse whilst losing his ability to alienate and control me and he couldn't stand it.

I’m not sure I’d do anything other than tell him he was a patronising prick.

If anyone asks, my hobby is hanging out on Mumsnet and giving support to women dealing with nasty men.

Please leave this man. You don't deserve to be treated like this.

You need to bite the bullet. Get out & live finally a life free of this bully.
My H (similar) had a stroke, I’m now his carer… It couldn't be worse.
Please save yourself

Do you talk about Mumsnet a lot OP? Because that may be 'triggering' him a bit!

Maybe that’s because they put their money where their mouth was and finished with them!

I hope you get out OP, while you still have some life to live.

My own mother should have left my dad and if she'd managed to do so even after I'd been kicked out of home I would have been thrilled, not angry.

Yes, I didn't think it through at the time.

I've been in lots of relationships and they've all been rubbish in one way or another. I'm glad I'm single now.

Tell him some men do this with Reddit.
And then ask friends/family if he's being unreasonable. He does have a point that some internet randoms seem to like to stir up strife. I'm not one of them, but if you ask people who know and care about you both, and they still say he's being unreasonable...

OP I'm so sorry.

Your posts come across very clearly: please don't doubt yourself.

Next step: there are a lot of people here who can advise.

I am not a LTB (leave the bugger) shouter as a habit, but there are times when people need support getting out of a situation. You have posted about the "Mumsnet" comments, but are you really posting about how to leave?

LTB (leave the bugger)

I always thought it was leave the bastard

That could have been my mind I guess ...😂

Have you got your ducks in a row? Make sure all your legal documents are safe and easy to access or safe out of the house. Have a bag packed and see if you can stay with your sister or a friend. Then file for divorce. It really can be that simple.

Is the house in both names? Mortgaged? Do you have any pets that would need to go with you?

Op by being on here you’re validating how you feel. You have already sown the seeds for a new life. You must be honest with yourself first and trust your own judgement - you have already done the former ….

My DM was 50 when she left my dad after 30 years. He died five years later aged 60, from a heart issue. She said, she could have waited five years and inherited more. But she didn't know he was going to die.

She's now 80. She's had 30 years of freedom from his temper and his moods and walking on eggshells. She changed career, she has her own place in a retirement community in the middle of the town I grew up in and most of all, she is happy.

You could have 30 years of happiness ahead. You might find someone who cherishes you, but even if you don't you could be happy.

The first step is really hard, so break it down. Work out the finances. Take a look at Rightmove for somewhere where you want to be. Treat it as a little fantasy now but if you look long enough, you might think you could be there, living your best life without him. We're here for you.

Oh OP anyone would be scared about how things would be on their own after years of being ground down. But it is do-able, and your friends / family and Women's Aid will support you, and once you are on your own, you will find reserves of strength you didn't know you had. Will it be difficult, yes, will you be as miserable as you are being made to feel now, no. You can do this. Sending best wishes for a different, and better future for you.

Sorry OP, he sounds horrific.
I am glad though that reading other women's shared experiences on here has helped you. I am even more glad that it's ruffling his feathers - if it wasn't getting to him then he'd not not mention MN. I daresay he's eroded a lot of your confidence and self-worth over the years and that's how he likes you and I daresay he feels unsettled that you may start to be challenging his ways.

If he keeps mentioning MN, just give him a smile then ignore. You don't need to say anything.
I hope you find a way out of this, 30 years is a long time to be with this man. Sending hugs.

This is so great to hear - sounds like your mum found her inner strength and made a good decision.

Ooh sorry this was for Myrtle Lion!

As a starting point do you have a full life independently of him? If not what can you organise to do by yourself that will show you what life could be like without him? A weekend away? A regular club to attend?