I've moved and not told my ex

[Lifeasitis91]

AIBU with this - my DD therapist thinks I'm creating problems for myself

My ex is awful, I'm not sure how to link previous posts but please do read through if wanting to.

Moving home has always been on the forefront of my mind, I was planning on doing so but when my DD finished primary school however an opportunity came up 6 weeks ago and I took the plunge, I moved into my new home on Saturday.

We are 100 miles from London I have family where I am so I still have a support network, but I've chosen not to tell my ex DD father
A few days before I had a clue that I was going to move I found out that my ex has been using cocaine and sleeping with prostitues (I found this out on a phone call with him as he was supposed to be giving money for his DD and he told me the reason why and he had spilt from his gf) and I think this pushed me into doing so

Since this call 7 weeks ago he's spoken to our DD twice, she doesn't want to any more and has completely withdrawn from him.
My DD was excited to move and start fresh - she's very friendly with my cousins 2 DD who are a year older and younger then her and is eager to join their school in the new term. She was due to start therapy with her old school due to her fathers behaviour but I've found a private therapist for her which she's attended a session yesterday and when I told the therapist that her father doesn't know we've moved and where we are she suggested that I could be making my life difficult even though I'm confident that he will never take me to court.

We are about 110 miles from him now and he doesn't drive
He hasn't contacted me for weeks so I didn't feel the need to tell him

Anyone know what issues I could have
I really don't want to move back and I know this the right place for us to be

If he's not in her life and she's not keen on seeing him I don't see the problem. If he's not been in touch for weeks fuck him... another shit father.

I would talk to your daughter and explain that you've not told her dad and ask her if she wants you to. From what you've said I think she'll agree with you it's better that you don't. I would also block him from your phone and make sure no one gives your new address to him

@NotAnotherScarf his mum knows that I've moved, she speaks to DD and she was told so. I haven't a problem with her knowing she hasn't got my new address and I don't think I'll pass on. I still have family in London so I'll be visiting monthly so DD will still see her GM
Even if he had the address he wouldn't travel he couldn't even do 75 minutes on public transport to visit her so I doubt he'll do close to 3 hours

It was just the way the therapist said it, I honestly thought I was in my rights to move we are still in England but a distance
My DD is ADHD and I know this environment is better for her.

His chaos and unstable lifestyle isn't what I want for my child

I did very similar, moved 150 miles away from him. When he found out, he didn’t care enough to kick off about it. That was 21 years ago now. Zero regrets.

Your therapist has not met a coke addict I bet - this guy is never gonna go more than 20 mins away from his dealer. He will be unbothered - don’t worry about it,

@cheeseandbiscu1ts yeah I think I'll get the "your stopping me from being a dad" line and that will be it.
His mum said she has no plans on telling him and he can find out for himself. When that will be who knows

I'll only mentioned we've moved (if asked) no address or area needs to be shared
So far no regrets either

How old is your daughter and was there regular contact before?

Why would you need to move back. You can live where you like. As far as I know there isnt a reason for you to tell him either. Your DD has a connection via his mother. I think therapist is out of order for even suggesting this to you. Id shut that line of therapy off by having a word or find a new therapist.

Don’t tell him. When it does eventually come up, turn the tables. Just say you didn’t want to cause him any more stress since he was going through his break-up etc…

My understanding is that he could seek a prohibited steps order to make you move back but every case is different and they are only used if someone is moving out of country and / or is disrupting an established and regular contact routine. Since neither of those is true and you've said he won't do it, I wouldn't worry too much on that score. I suppose when she's older your dd maybe want to see him but that can be managed through his mum or she can get a train. I would focus on building your new life and helping your dd feel she is not lacking anything due to her waste of space dad.

@Passaggressfedup she's 8, we spilt almost 2 years ago he moved in with gf straight away and that's when contact went haywire!
@Gowlett he's now back with his gf, they only spilt for a few days - she's taken him back. When they spilt he was calling DD every night being very nice to me, then he just stopped and became cold and distant towards us. At this point I knew I was moving and I knew I was doing the right thing
@fuckeditupbadly I doubt he would take me to court, he was offered medation when we spilt ans he refused 3 times

I'm speaking to a solicitor on Monday just to be sure on things but from what I've read I've not done anything wrong and I've not stopped contact I've just moved from a very toxic man

If your ex has PR then you have done something wrong - you're not supposed to unilaterally decide to move your child from one school to another without consulting everyone who has PR.

The longer it has been till he finds out the better for you if he did go to court as she would already be well established in her new area.

But if he has Pr you really technically should have asked/discussed it.

He clearly doesn’t have regular contact with her so I doubt a court would make you move back however. Likely they would insist you transported her to him and collect for eow visitation however. If he bothered.

Yes he can request a prohibited steps order.

However he’d have to stand up in court and point out that 3+ months after you moved and he decided to contact his DD and discovered you’d moved over 3 months ago……..!!!!

@Moros I doubt he would care that I changed her school - in the last 2 years he's come to one event and missed everything else despite me telling him. He was never interested in her education.

He hasn't seen or spoken to her in weeks - she has withdrawn but this is because of his behavior towards her. If you read my last posts the school recorded my daughter as "vulnerable and father potentially emotionally abusive/neglectful"

😂 exactly - he's not blocked we can see each other on what's app and time stamps, hes very active
Not one question asked about DD, not even "how is she"

Consulting with a man who does nothing and shows no interest in his DD makes me feel sick
He hasn't picked her up from school in well over 2 years

It’s all entirely dependent on whether he does anything about it when he finds out. You believe he won’t so it’s a risk you are willing to take. but there is a risk, and be mindful of DDs feelings when she’s older and forgets how shit he was.