Aibu to ask Ds to pay this?

[Cinemaqueen13]

Ds is 18. He has finished 2 years at college and is looking for a full time job/apprenticeship. He does have a part time/zero hours job but you only get shifts if the contracted staff are on leave/off sick.

He doesn’t want to uni he wants an apprenticeship. All fine.

Dh has told him to claim universal credit until he finds a job. Before anyone starts benefit bashing, Ds really didn’t want to and is applying for jobs every day, but the job market is tough at the moment and he will need money to live off. We want him to face the reality of adult life and managing his own budget. There will be clothing, travel costs, hair cuts, his phone and so on.

I’ve said it’s reasonable for him to pay £10 a week in rent/board. He’s hoping he’ll find some full time work before he even gets the first payment, but if not is £10 a week reasonable?

Yes. Very reasonable. He needs to learn that things cost money when you're an adult

Absolutely reasonable. He needs to start learning about responsibility.

Could you maybe put it in a savings account for him? As a deposit when he moves out?

That’s what I’ve always planned to do, to save any rent that my dc pay for a house deposit/emergency fund.

I feel a bit bad taking money off him when he won’t have much but I do feel that it’s a valuable life lesson.

@Cinemaqueen13 I did the same for my sons. Might only be a little bit but it encourages them to think ahead

Of course he needs to pay. Life isn't free.

He isn't facing the reality if adult life though, is he. He lives with his parents as a dependent.

I said YABU because I think it's too low.
I would suggest an amount equivalent to his phone contract, if you still pay it, and a reasonable level of contribution to food.
Obviously as his mum and dad you'll want to treat him to things, buy him a takeaway occasionally but it would be better for it to be a bit more of a realistic level.

I’m not really too sure what you mean by this.

He isn’t a dependent because he’s 18 and has finished education.

Obviously he still lives at home as do most young adults if they aren’t away at uni.

You do right. My son is 24 and starting an apprenticeship in September. He has lived free until now doing part time and seasonal work, and studying with the OU. From Sept he will be giving me half his wages, half of which will go into his lifetime ISA, the other half into a savings pot. He will still have around £5/600 pounds a month left for personal spending but it is high time he starts to feel some responsibility. He eats like a labrador so he is still going to cost me 🤣

Not unfair IMO. I also am not judging that he claims UC for a limited time either. It’s there for instances like this I believe.

It is a low amount. If he was working then I’d probably more more like £100-£150, but I worked it out and because of high travel costs he won’t really have a lot left.

So he won’t be living the high life. His phone is only £8 a month.

OK so maybe phone contract plus £10?

If you genuinely don't need it, I recommend you encourage the 18 year old to put any rent money into a LISA. For every £4,000 added each tax year the taxman deposits £1,000 and interest will be added to the lot. Much better than an account opened by parents.

Not unreasonable at all. I used to pay my parents £10 a week when I got my first job. That was in 1981!

Oh thanks. Dh did mention this actually so will look into it.

Absolutely he needs to face the reality of bills. He is choosing to enter adult life. That means he had to face adult responsibility.

You can save the money for him. He needs to feel the pain though. If he doesn’t, he won’t know how hard he needs to work.

I was playing £10 a week to my folks in this situation.... 40 years ago! I think it was 50% of my benefits. So, in 2026, it sounds like an absolute bargain to me.

I am in exactly the same boat, DS will be going to the job centre the week after A Level results and claiming what he is entitled to. It's less about the money and more about getting him the support to find work/an apprentiship, he is trying on his own but nothing is happening so I want him in the official system so he gets the support he needs, whether that be opportunities he is unaware of or interview help, that type of thing.

I don't think I'll charge him.rent till he has a job though, as long as he is trying g his best to get one.

Thanks, I’ve seen thread on mumsnet where poster are like “just get a job in Tescos”, but I Jen you actually come to it it’s not so easy.

My sister was made redundant and it took 12 months to get another job and she has so much experience and will literally do anything.

My friends son took 18 months to secure an apprenticeship and he worked part time in a pub while he was looking, I’m hoping it doesn’t take that long.

Yes I’m hoping that the job centre will be able to offer some help. I believe you have to log all the jobs you’ve applied for and they can support with CVs and even offer courses. Not sure how much help you get in reality but I’m hoping.

My son applied for so much stuff and could only ever get zero hours and part time stuff. He also didn’t drive until he was 19 (there was a shortage of driving instructors) so he needed us to take him to work (whilst trying to work ourselves 😂) because we only have a bus that goes into town because we live remotely. It’s very hard to be a young person these days, some people don’t get it. Working at Tesco is fine but what if your shift finishes at 11 and your single Mum / Dad can’t come and pick you up and there’s no buses and you earn less than an Uber would cost etc? He’ll get there, if he wasn’t allowed UC then he wouldn’t be able to make a claim, simple as that.

He is though. He's dependent on you for housing, food and everything else he was the day before he turned 18.

And if you're considering utting it into a LISA then IMO you're misusing the public purse.

I was receiving child benefit for him which I won’t be any longer.

He also got a free bus pass from the college, free dental care as an under 18, free prescriptions etc.

He is no longer a dependent because he is 18 and has finished education.

He is looking for a full time job.

Don't want to disappoint you but they were absolutely crap when my DD was looking for work. They logged the jobs she applied for but even when she asked about courses they didn't offer anything. Although I expect this differs from place to place.
She got a job, after a year and that was applying for everything with no help from JC.
We used to charge £50 a month plus £10 a week towards food when she was on benefits.