My 16 year old son….

[strawbagz]

He is so negative about so many topics and experiences.
He feels that everyone has something against him or doesn’t like him. He comes home from a holiday with my siblings family
and immediately set about telling tales, being negative, talking about stuff they were talking about , complaining he wasn’t brought on every trip despite dad and son wanting to do an activity together . He is spoilt and that’s my fault. I compensated for his shitty absent father who essentially abandoned him and all of us .
He seems so unhappy and miserable but in an angry, mean and shit stirring way.
It doesn’t matter what he has , he’s never happy.
He doesn’t have symptoms of depression and has anxiety.
AIBU to think he is developing a psych disorder?
To add, every time he reaches a goal eg a holiday with family or an invitation to a party, the complaint and negativity starts again straight way. I’m utterly exhausted from him and he’s done all the therapies etc.
He has no firm friend, just a group he gets on with and cousins .He is rarely invited anywhere as he can be a shit stirrer and sadly is generally unpopular.

He may grow out of it but sadly it may be just his personality.
You could try telling him that being so negative and sneery will put others off and will only add to his misery.

He needs to check this behaviour and try to change it within himself as it can become a habit, and we know habits can be broken.

It's not going to be easy I'm afraid. I have a nephew who is similar and he's always pretty unhappy. Very "glass half empty".

How would he respond if you just said "I don't want to hear gossip or negativity. You've just had a lovely holiday"? And then if he continues take yourself out of the room.

It really came to light for me after he arrived home from a holiday that he could have only
dteamed about this time last year! And still…. Bitching, complaining, eavesdropping and carrying tales , saying everyone doesn’t like him. Jesus I’m worn down.
I understand he’s unpopular but it makes absolute sense why. He finds himself in the middle of drama and then wonders why he doesn’t get invited to events.
He can be verbally abusive towards me and his siblings and his social skills are terrible despite so much input. He’s been assessed for autism etc but they feel he has attachment issues.

Attachment issues can be a psych disorder.

https://www.aacap.org/AACAP/Families_and_Youth/Facts_for_Families/FFF-Guide/Attachment-Disorders-085.aspx

Do you feel able to talk to him about your concerns about his behaviour? If so how does he view his ability to make and sustain relationships, his general negativity etc?

OP do you not think your son going on holiday and seeing a dad who wants to take his son out to have time just the two of them is going to be really hard for him to swallow - when his own dad abandoned him and doesn't give a shit.

I think you've completely missed the whole issue there.

Severe early neglect tends to be the cause of attachment disorder, what happened with your son? Attachment disorder is a really serious diagnosis - but maybe your son isn't severe enough for a clinical diagnosis?

He obviously is really struggling with being abandoned by his father and his attachment issues and the idea that he's just spoilt and moany is extremely unfair IMO. This is a kid who has been through trauma and is then seeing his relatives parade their perfect father/son relationship in front of him.

I feel terrible for how badly misunderstood this poor kid is.

This is actually a really good thought. I hadn't considered him viewing the other family through an abandonment lens.