Do age gap friends drift apart ?

[WasntSupposedToBeLikeThis]

I have been part of a trio friendship group for the past year 10 years. Really good friends. Have been away together several
times.
I am the oldest in my mid 50s. One friend is mid 40s and the other is 50.
The one in her mid 40s has started to want to relive her youth. She wants to go clubbing and day time raves / festivals. The middle friend has always been a party animal so is happy to go with her.
I couldn’t think of anything worse. I am so over all that.
I’ve also had a load of problems in the time that I have known them. I’ve had family issues, sudden money worries and cancer. They have sailed through life.
I just feel like we have drifted apart but it makes me so sad because I love them like sisters.

i feel old and fat and dowdy in my mid 50s and jaded by life and they are still so vibrant and full of life. I feel like they can’t relate.

age is but a number. I know “old” acting people in 30s. Sounds like this is more about your own confidence.

It’s not the age gap that is the issue, it’s the life experience gap. Sadly that is a bigger stumbling block and, yes, unless you want to try to meet them where they are occasionally, yes the relationships have run their course. I’m late 50’s and love a quiet night in, prefer a book or a box-set to a drunken night out. I would under no circumstances go clubbing - I hated that in my 20s too. But I do love to go out, dressed up, for a show or dinner. Not every week, but once a month.

If you want to salvage the friendships, you’ll need to give yourself a little shake and agree to go out every 2nd or 3rd time, and maybe suggest you join them for something a bit tamer like a comedy show in your local arts centre with mocktails/cocktails before/after.

I also don’t feel old and dowdy. I have also have a lot of issues with health and family trauma - I prefer to frame it as something I got through that has made me stronger and to embrace the fact I am still here in tact, if a bit bruised. My close friends were there for me in those times - I’m happy to be there for them in their fun times because they needs those from me too.

If you want to keep them, you need to meet them half way. It may be what you owe them for their support when you needed it - and it may be what you now owe yourself. You might surprise yourself and have fun.

My mum was “dowdy” by 60. By 65 she’s fit and full of life. Not in a clubbing way, but she’s found her hobbies and she’s full of life.

I’m 29 and I still enjoy a good night out, but it’s not the be all and end all. Maybe having different interests right now reflects nothing on you, you just miss your friends. They are still there, try to relate to them in ways that work for you all.

You don’t need to feel old and fat and dowdy OP. Maybe prioritise your own health and well being, over haul your diet and exercise routine, this is a great time of life to build your health for now and for the future. Clubbing is fine to swerve but don’t swerve your own health needs.

This doesn’t sound like anything to do with the age gap. This sounds as if you want your friends to be different people to who they are.

Thanks for the comments. You’re right I am feeling pretty shit about myself at the moment. I suppose because my friend in her mid forties was always happy to do more mundane stuff and now she wants to go clubbing etc our lives have changed and I need to get on board with that.

I wouldn't consider that to be much of an age gap to be honest. I've been friends with people with bigger gaps for decades.

Age is irrelevant. It's not because of the 'age gap' - and I wouldn't consider 10 years to be an 'age gap' at all, really. It's just that you're different people who enjoy different things.

Its life events more than anything else Ive found. The newly single want to go out and/or take up time intensive new hobbies so as divorce swept through my friends I loss most of them to clubbing, singles events or extreme activity holidays (Chinese kung fu camp, a month on a yoga retreat and horse trekking for weeks in SouthAmerica type things) . I remained handy for childcare and lifts, but as the kids grew up I was dropped. But I found new people and you will to.