To think many people only want certain parts of a serious relationship?

[Aaaaaaaaaaaaahh]

I know different things work for different people, but judging from some of the posts I've seen I feel like a lot of people want a relationship where they barely see their partner.
No interest in living together, then I see stuff like 'I'd be ok with my partner going out 5 or 6 evenings a week because I like the time to myself/I'm introverted'.
So I think do you actually like this person, and do you just want a casual relationship? You can hardly call it serious when you have no interest in seeing them more than once a week or so or progressing any further.

I think either they just are really introverted and that’s fine if the partner is on the same page, or there’s problems because they don’t know how to have me time with their partner around. Mn can show different attitudes in general though, look at the amount of people who think a relationship is done after one argument, or who ask why someone is with someone because they sound awful. We all do awful things and can sound awful if only a snapshot is given!!!

What an odd post. Do you feel that in order to be ‘serious’, you need to be handcuffed together, and spend your evenings sitting side by side on the sofa? For ten years I spent six months a year living and working in another country to DH. It doesn’t make us any less happily married.

That sounds like a long-distance relationship, which is presumably different but I'm talking more about people who live closer I suppose.

I don't think someone having a busy life means they are disinterested in a relationship. I do think it's important to establish a relationship with someone who has a similar level of need for constant companionship though so nobody ends up feeling either stifled or neglected. Before we had kids DH and I could go weeks where we would barely see each other. One of us would have a work trip, then one of us would have a few evening events, then one of us would be going to a sports event the other one wasn't interested in etc etc etc. We valued our time together but spent a lot of time apart.

I'd have friends who would get a new boyfriend and suddenly go everywhere with them and I remember thinking that would drive me insane. So probably best they were going out with each other and DH and I were together. I guess what I'm saying is, it's about finding someone with similar needs and expectations.

I think we were both pretty interested in making it serious, given that we've been married 12 years and I'm pregnant with our third kid.

It's all irrelevant now anyway, we live nowhere near family and have a habit for having another baby just as we're about to get a bit more freedom back, so neither of us ever go anywhere unless it's for work. 😂

I just think people can be busy and still want to be close with/see their partner a bit more often. Nobody's saying you have to be joined at the hip or see each other daily, i wouldn't want that either. But it's not a sign of neediness to want to see them see them more than every now and again.

Following with interest, because i've ended up in a relationship with a man like this.And he actually hid his true nature.

He was able to mask his more extreme personality.Traits from me for a long time and now i've ended up in a relationship with someone who severely introverted with ocd.And no desire to ever live together.But of course.Now I have feelings. I used to hear things from him.Such as moving in together and he wasn't ready yet.And now he says never.

If he'd been up front with me at the beginning about his issues and problems.I don't think I would have gone on a second date with him.

Edit to say that I don't expect to be joined at the hip either.However, what's the point of being in a relationship with somebody who barely see because they can't tolerate you.

No, it wasn’t a LD relationship at all. We’d been together, living together full time, for ten years, but then my work took me overseas for six months a year for ten years. After that we lived together FT again. Relationships should never restrict you.

I suppose everyone is different but it does seem a bit odd being in a relationship with someone and hardly seeing them! DH and I were 90 miles away when we met but we saw each other every weekend and an overnighter one night a week too!!

I think provided both halves of the couple are happy with the level of contact it's perfectly fine and they can call it serious or not, regard each other as their 'partner' or not as it suits them. Its absolutely no-one else's place to judge it. DP and I have been together a decade. We live ten mins apart but can go a month or more with no opportunity for sex, sometimes only see each other once in a week for a quick lunch at Costa. But we are 100% committed and support each other in many ways. We are both post divorce with kids. Didn't want to blend or mesh finances. It works for us. There is no 'right' way to be serious.

You seem to be conflating different things here.

You talk about couples who see each other once a week, but also talk about those not wanting to live together and/or not wanting to 'progress' the relationship.

You speak as though living together and being together all the time is the only acceptable destination for a successful and serious relationship and anything not conforming to this social construct is casual.

What about people who see each other 3 times a week for many years, holiday together, support one another, go to family events together, 100% faithful, but have no desire to live together. That's not a casual relationship.

What does progressing even mean? Why do some people have this obsession with relationships having to progress to a certain end point (understandable if people want children of course). But if both parties are happy with how things are, why do they need to progress?

Pre kids between us we would be out 2-4 nights a week, we'd wake up together, have breakfast together, either have dinner then go out for a bit or have dinner separately and then be together at bedtime and all night. That's a fair bit of time. Different now with kids because once you have kids you're not just in a relationship you're also in an absolutely batshit neverending job share so were a lot more invested in ach others spare time as we are each others childcare 😂

We've been together 20 years and are mad about each other.

I think it’s usually one of the couple that wants that. I would like a partner who helps me out with things and supports me and that would of course be reciprocated. He wants to see me twice a week and not help me out when I need a hand. He has his own business. Say plumbing but it’s not that. He has said he will do a plumbing job I need for cost price. That is technically a good deal and kind of him but we have been “together” for several years and he has a multi million pound business. So I don’t think it’s like a partner that he wants to charge me.
I have helped him out with numerous things over the years and would never dream of charging him so I just see us as helping each other out. Charging me for a job that would cost his business very little and he regularly talks of how profitable he is doesn’t sit right with me. It’s not the money it’s the lack of partnership. I will pay it but it doesn’t seem right to me.

So from what your saying yes I do think some people are happy with not seeing each other much usually if they are very self sufficient etc. But in other cases it’s just one half of the couple being selfish. Yes I am considering my options.

I can only speak for myself here.

I can’t see a time in the future after having been married and divorced being cheated on and then navigating the nightmare that is online dating that I would really relax around a man and invite them to be part of my life in a huge significant way.

I have a dp I see a couple of times a week but honestly it’s my friends and family who have gone the distance and they will always be my priority and who I’d spend most time with as they are the ones I trust to be in my life forever.

I think people have different expectations of a relationship if they are divorced. My long-term partner and I don't live together but we are 100% committed to each other. We spend most of our time together, but it's no big deal when we spend time apart. We've both had to build our lives back up post-divorce and don't want to lose the independence and friendships we've made.