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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this woman was out order screaming at DS?

14 replies

itsgettingweird · 02/08/2026 18:11

So we were at the beach.

It’s one with a big tide and when it goes out it’s very sandy with shingle bars.

The tide doesn’t come in equally (iyswim?) and the ‘pools’ are generally shallow and when the shingle bars are covered the beach remains quite shallow until about 1 hr either side of high tide.

The tide goes out much quicker than it comes in.

DS was out paddle boarding. He wears a bouyancy aid and is extremely aware of the tides and dangers of open water. He’s a strong swimmer so is vigilant to the dangers as it’s drilled into them.

He could see 2 children (prob about 8/9) out on the shingle bar and is aware the tide comes in and cuts off the furthest most point before coming over the top.

Whist it remains fairly shallow over the bars and within the pools as the tide breaches the bars its ’rolls In’ and creates waves.

He was worried about them as could see no adults obviously supervising and it’s about 25m back from where they are to the shore and the tide moves up the shore quickly when it’s breached the bars.

He has been very untuned to all the reports of drownings as swimming is a huge part of his life.

Anyway. As the sea breached the side of the shingle bar he paddled over and suggested to the children they headed back in.

They remained playing so DS hovered around to help them if needed.

After about 5 minutes an adult got up and went to the shoreline and called them back so DS remained where he was to make sure they were safe. The water was way above their waist as they waded back and even they seemed shocked it was quite so deep even over the shingle bar.

He didn’t speak to them except for suggesting they went back in.

DS then decided to head back to shore as it gets quite wavy for 30 minutes of so.

He was just taking off his buoyancy aid when the adult came over and started shouting at DS about being a peeve hanging around young children.

DS is autistic and struggles to explain himself at the best of times but cannot react when faced with confrontation - he just freezes.

I asked DS if he had anything to say to me (this works and I’d seen him by the children) and he explained the above so I said to the woman “he was just being cautious and making sure they were ok”.

The kids came over hysterical at the woman shouting and said DS was just checking they were ok.

She told DS she has his photo and is reporting to the police so ds is rightly terrified. (I don’t think the police will care as no crime has been commited!)

A couple sat by is piped up at this point and told her to “fuck off as the only drama that’s happened has been her hissy fit” 🤣

AIBU to think DS did the right thing, she isn’t reporting to anyone and some people just like to create problems where none exist. And she probably actually felt guilty it took someone else to make sure her kids were safe.

To think this woman was out order screaming at DS?
OP posts:
MyNameIsTina · 02/08/2026 18:19

Come on, you know you're not being unreasonable and your son did the right thing.

Stressedoutmummyof3 · 02/08/2026 18:24

Yeah she sounds nuts to be fair. I really don't think the police will do anything but even if they do they'll speak to him realise it's a fuss about nothing then hopefully arrest her for wasting police time (but probably won't go that far).
Your son was being responsible and she should have been thanking him not being a dick, even her kids were embarrassed by her.If you haven't already tell your son he did the right thing and your proud of him for being so sensible and looking out for young people.
I expect, like you said, she was embarrassed she didn't notice her kids were in danger and will calm down now it's over.

Thingcanonlygetbetter · 02/08/2026 18:27

She is batshit! Well done to your son.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 02/08/2026 18:30

You no she’s unreasonable. How old is your son? Were you there?

redfishcat · 02/08/2026 18:32

Please congratulate him as he did the right thing.
Please ask him to do it again next time he sees this happening, as being shouted at by a very stupid mother is better than having to rescue kids who can’t swim well enough to save themselves.
Your son is a bit of a hero

itsgettingweird · 02/08/2026 18:37

Yes I was there.

I watch him when he’s out even though he’s 21 🫣 a far better swimmer than me (and most people!), wears a bouyancy aid and knows water safety inside out and back to front!

He didn’t sit and watch the boys. He paddled up and down about 10m away.

He’s extremely black and white thinking due to his autism so doesn’t see any social issues (people might find it odd) and just sees facts (they could have been at risk).

He still doesn’t really understand what she thinks he could have been doing and why she called him a perve.

I just keep telling him because some people like to think everyone is bad but that shouldn’t stop him being a good person.

OP posts:
rainbowunicorn · 02/08/2026 18:41

Who are the idiots in the 5% that think it is unreasonable?

KrazyKatty · 02/08/2026 18:41

What a silly woman!

I don’t understand why you didn’t immediately point out her poor parenting to have allowed her kids to risk getting stranded as she clearly isn’t as aware of the effects of the sea tides as your DS is.

I live on the coast and it’s frightening how ignorant some parents are to the dangers of changing sea tides.

itsgettingweird · 02/08/2026 18:46

I don’t think she was in any mood to be reasonable or reasoned with 😂

Nor would it have claimed her if I’d suggested she was being a shit parent letting them be out there so long when the tide was already breaching the shingle bars.

And yes it’s terrifying watching people who aren’t local going out on the shingle bars (with prams sometimes!) and not being aware how the tide comes in around the back and then filling the pools and then rolls in.

It’s actually a fairly safe beach compared to many but obviously any expanse of water is always a risk.

OP posts:
Coconutter24 · 02/08/2026 18:53

rainbowunicorn · 02/08/2026 18:41

Who are the idiots in the 5% that think it is unreasonable?

It’s like 3 people, I wouldn’t even bother wondering who they are tbh. Probably have the same mentality as the crazy mum

Mrstawnyowl · 02/08/2026 18:55

Yes you certainly don’t mess around with the sea. It needs total respect at all times. If there was a lifeguard on the beach, he’d have given her a dressing-down.

nc42day · 02/08/2026 19:05

Her shame kicked in, she wasn't watching the children, it took a stranger to point out they weren't safe. That's an unbearable feeling for some people, it makes them lash out at others so someone else can be the "wrongdoer" instead of taking accountability themselves.

Nothing to do with your son and who he is as a person, other than a responsible adult.

FuzzyBumbleeBee · 02/08/2026 19:18

Living by the sea myself and with many family/friends active parts of the lifeboats it's scary how many people don't realize how dangerous the sea is or pay attention to their children in the water

Well done your ds for keeping an eye
The woman was in the wrong

Ive found being very blunt is the only way to get it through to people like that maybe ds could take that approach?
Tides coming in, you want them to be swept out?

Astra53 · 02/08/2026 22:31

We had this last week in Swanage. Young girl on a paddleboard, about 10 years old, no buoyancy aid or ankle strap. She had the paddle the wrong way around. Strong offshore wind. She was a long way from the shore and trying to get back in by lying on the board and kicking. Not one person with her or appearing to be watching her. We supervised her from a distance and made sure she got back. Not one person met her at the shoreline to make sure she was ok.

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