AIBU to speak up when older children crowded my toddler?

[MarsMama17]

At the playground today. My 3 year old son had just sat down to use a toy when 3 older (maybe 6-7 year old) girls came over, surrounded him and lent really close over him obviously he got worried and moved. They then jumped straight on the toy.

I immediately went over and said he’s just sat down to play on that. I turned to the parents and said excuse me but you can’t push someone off you need to wait for your turn, he’s just sat down at the toy.

They did move the kids once I said something.

However my partner said I over reacted and shouldn’t have said anything? And now I’m full of worry about it.

It’s fine to speak up.

but be prepared for parents of younger kids to also speak up if yours doesn’t behave

I would absolutely have done the same as you, no need to fret op x

What are you worried about? They moved once you pointed out what happened.

I think because I’m not someone who feels comfortable with confrontation and immediately my partner was like why did you do that. I was worried I had then pushed off other kids and done the wrong thing.

You usually don't even need the parents, if you tell (nicely) a bunch of 6 or 7 yo to wait their turn when there's a little one, or to just move, they listen. Unless they're completely feral and need to be told off anyway.

I’m not someone who feels comfortable with confrontation
it's not a confrontation, it's a non-incident. Do you always over-react about nothing?

I get where your partner is coming from, it kind of sounds like you caused a scene over nothing.

If the girls were just stood next to your preschooler watching him with a toy, he then walked away so they started to play with it, why is it an issue?

Unless I’ve misunderstood and there was some physical element, pushing etc or was your child upset which is why you intervened?

Your only overreaction is to be worrying or even giving it a second thought now. You behaved perfectly reasonably, your DH should have been supportive rather than undermining you. It doesn’t sound like you were confrontational, just politely assertive re the sort of playground manners a 5-6yo should already understand.

They didn’t push him off though did they? They stood a bit too close and your son got off. I think causing a scene with parents is quite over the top.

It was a sit on toy and they all physically put their hands on the toy and stood close enough to touch him. He was immediately worrried and upset yes.

She didn’t ’cause a scene’. The older kids behaved rather badly and their parents called them into line once they realised.

Bluntly, you're going to have to model being less alarmed about this kind of thing, being assertive about taking your turn fairly, and not then overthinking any time you told someone to back off.

The girls acted in an unkind way. They are all of school age so old enough to know better. If you see a toddler sitting on a bouncy chicken (or whatever parks have nowadays), no you don’t go & hold on to it.

If they were just standing nearby then it’s a different matter. All three of my DCs would have got up & left the piece of equipment at 3 if bigger children were holding on to it.

You’re right !! I definitely didn’t know how to react in that moment but felt my son deserved a chance to play.

Just ask girls to move back a bit so dc can have a go.

This is not what the word confrontation means.

Agreed. And the OP acted appropriately, imo. I’d do the same were it kids/dogs. 🤣

They pushed your child off, you (an adult) pushed them off. Nobody comes out well but things happen

Of course it’s fine

You have a partner problem.

I don't think you did anything wrong but there are a few learning points here. Ds is only 3 but in the next year or so he needs to learn to assert himself. Teach him its ok to say 'not yet I'm not finished my turn yet' or 'no, wait your turn'. I think if a parent needs to intervene to support a child then there is something to learn from it, I appreciate 3 is still very young but not too young to start asserting himself. Secondly I think saying it to the kids is enough. These kids seem big to you and DS but they are still little kids and are learning the social norms around turn taking and play ground etiquette. It's ok to tell them politely that it's DSs turn and they need to wait. There is no need for anger towards them, although sometimes they know well that it's his turn and are pushing their luck and a firmer tone might be needed. The overall majority of kids will immediately respond to an assertive adult. Personally I don't think telling parents is the right move unless the kids were rude or persisted with doing this. Kids need guidance from all adults and are probably more likely to respond to another adult than their parent who (in their eyes) is bossing them around all the time. Maybe it's just me but I've always hated adult tattle tales, I don't mind if someone tells my kid off and then tells me what happened, I'd usually come over anyway but I hate when adults don't deal with a situation they witness and get me involved when I can't say who is right or wrong, it's not a good lesson for the kids either. 99% of playground interactions are positive and a learning experience for all kids.

You don't need to involve the parents and it doesn't need to be a confrontation.
It's as simple as staying close to your kid in the park, close enough to say gently but firmly to any kids pushing it to say "He/she has just got on, but you can have a turn in a few minutes. Please don't crowd him/her".

You did the right thing, Well done and also I would have done the same. If you had let them get away with it, it would have encouraged their bullying behaviour.

Well, you'll know for next time. Encourage him to keep playing for whatever you consider a fair amount of time, and to tell other children they need to wait. And model having his back on this in an undramatic way, so that he knows you will step in if needed.

You did the right thing. And of course you have to advocate for your child. It is the right thing to do!

Thanks this is all really helpful!

I don’t have much experience with older children than my son’s age so didn’t know what was appropriate in the moment.