You are welcome to bring your partner

[McCoysCheese]

You are welcome to bring your partner!

What’s the problem? Well, out of the group who are invited I am the only widow. It’s not a big deal. It’s just something that gets to me every time. Kind people write something more inclusive so that it doesn’t read like this to me

“If you don’t have a dead husband you can bring someone with you”

Ok, on with my day!

Am sorry for your loss.

I’d put you’re welcome to bring a guest.
One of my friends is single and when we got married we invited her and a guest in case she wanted to bring her daughter or another friend.

I'm a widow too OP. And losing my DH changed my life for ever.
I understand certain things really hurt. For me I get irrationally upset if some one calls me Miss instead of Mrs because for me they are wiping out the fact my DH ever existed..

If your sad loss was very recent OP then I think you are right to be upset by the insensitivity of the "bring your partner " wording. They should make an effort to recognise your situation and word your invitation differently.

Ask for the wording you would prefer?

I find as a widow, I just don’t get invited to these type of get togethers. Maybe I make them nervous?!
Over the past year or so I just learnt to come up with an excuse - I make out that I’m very busy doing so many hobbies - I’m not, but it serves as armour to protect me from hurting. I also have actively looked for and joined activities where there are a high percentage of older single women present. That way no one asks your status - which is another humiliation.

Not really on the op is it. People could just be a bit more thoughtful. I remember my dear nanna thinking very carefully about charity Christmas cards - didn’t send a cancer research one to someone whose husband had died of cancer just in case she found it distressing at Christmas time. A little extreme perhaps, but it’s not unreasonable to expect people to be a little bit considerate

You are responsible for your own feelings, the world can't walk on eggshells.

That’s such tik tok theraspeak bollocks. You aren’t entirely responsible for you own feelings. Sometimes people behave in a way that is hurtful or upsetting or inconsiderate towards us. We do actually owe the people in our lives things, despite what the internet would have you think these days. It doesn’t take much to be considerate.

You are grieving and I’m sorry for your loss but it is by default ‘inclusive’, because they are including you. I’d hate to be the friend that is thought ill of for doing nothing wrong.

We have had a couple of parties and always asked single people if they wanted to bring a guest.

I personally would have said, Hi Betty we are having a party you are invited please feel free to bring a +1.

When my first DH died we were only in our 20’s, and surprising number of times people asked me are you married/with anyone- I’d say no to try and save awkwardness then I’d get does little Jimmy (my son) see his dad regularly, so I’d either just say no, to which they would conclude dads done a runner or if I’d tell them he had died it was the awwwwww then the awkwardness.

It depends on the context but it sounds like the same invite to everyone via a text so I think its not unreasonable to say it

Was it a group text? It was insensitive when your husband has died, there was no malicious intent.
I would probably let it go if it was a group text and not directly sent to you.

If you're feeling up to it your could respond "As you know I don't have a partner anymore, do you mind if I bring a friend?"

It's a bit old fashioned and definitely inconsiderate if that was a personal invitation. In my circles it's 'feel free to bring a +1/guest' - but quite a few of us are single.

I'm sorry for your loss, OP.

What is the context of the invitation? If it's something pre-printed going to 50 people, it's clearly not meant as any kind of slight. If it's a message in a WhatsApp group with six or seven of you, then yes, the sender should have been more thoughtful.

It depends in this case on how recently OP was widowed, surely.
At a certain point, kid gloves need no longer be worn when composing a group invitation such as this (or when referring in company to relationship status in a general way).

I’d always prefer to use ‘feel free to bring “a” partner’ rather than ‘your partner’. Sounds less like having a partner is every person’s default status.

If someone you love and deeply care about drops dead, then I really hope people will show you much greater kindness than the words you've written here.

Well it’s not out if the realms of possibility that you have a partner or boyfriend! Seems like a nice gesture to me.
I’m a widow and like @Alphabet1spaghetti2do not get invited to couple things

People could be a bit more thoughtful. It doesn’t take much for someone to consider other people’s feelings, especially when it’s sensitive such the loss of a husband.

However, I feel I’ve just fallen into a trap and you were just posting nasty, self centred comments because you’re bored.

Well said!! We need more consideration, thoughtfulness and empathy in the world, not less.

Single person and it bugs me! I once replied, I would bring my BF except I don’t have one..if I’m inviting I would say feel free to bring partner/ friend etc..

What wording would be better OP?

Would “welcome to bring a guest” be better?

I'd also guess that the same generic invitation was sent to everyone. But it's not just poor/thoughtless wording, it actually does make a significant distinction: someone with a partner can bring that partner (but not another guest). Someone without a partner for whatever reason - single, widowed, widower, divorced, casually dating, partner lives elsewhere or away long term - is expected to come alone or perhaps to go back to the host an ask for an exception ("My sister is in staying with me for a few days; would it be OK for me to bring her?")

If this were something formal, like a work or school do, it might be considered unacceptably discriminatory. (Established professional companies have been very careful about wording like this for decades, certainly since the 1980s, typically even taking some trouble to assure employees that "a guest" is welcome.) If it is purely social, then of course it's the host's choice, but the combination of the lack of personalisation - for example, individual people didn't get "Bring Maggie, if she's free - we'd love to see her!", in which case the OP would have had either nothing or "Bring a guest if you'd like" - suggests this isn't a case where they only want certain people there, or want a tight group - no casual dates. It's just thoughtlessness, or an assumption that the entire world is constantly coupled up for life. But it's more than the wording that's an issue here.

Oh this is sad to read. I bet your friend inviting meant no offense or upset, but it has upset you all the same.

What would a better wording be?

Sorry for your loss.

For heaven's sake. If it were a cancer charity, many people whose loved one died from a disease is going to be pleased someone chose something that benefits a charity working to cure a disease or help those living with it. When my uncle died last autumn, my aunt was very pleased by how many Christmas cards she got that benefited the hospice in which he died. People were doing joined up thinking. It's not as though she's going to have forgotten she's just lost her husband, just because it's Christmas!