AIBU to think that if DS is at "that stage" he can stay home

[Puddlewoman]

We are not having a holiday this summer we went away at Easter we will however do daytrips.

I have adult DC older teen DC and younger teen DC. In my experience they all get to a stage where they are arseholes when they come out with you. I'm not being mean they just they go through a bit of a selfish stage where everything that isn't completely about their wants results in them getting a bit miserable and making everyone else miserable as well.

AIBU to think that youngest DS who is at this stage and has spoiled the last couple of trips out, and the trip away at Easter tbh, can stay home. He doesn't need babysitting but an older sibling who is in all day of her own accord that day will be around if emergencies occur.
Heres the kicker though DS will want to come if his older brother is going, his older brother is firmly out of "the stage" and loves a wonder round new attractions, museums, shops, going out for lunch etc standard day trip stuff and we would have to say actually no you can't come with you spoil it for everyone else. Whilst that probably does need saying I can't help but think of him stuck at home feeling left out and sad because nobody wanted him to come.

I also do try to keep cheering him along when we do go out and have a word when we get home about his attitude but it goes in one ear and out the other at the moment. I know based on the others that all went through it that it is just a waiting game. We are lucky as this is the only negative thing we have in regards his behaviour

I don’t think it would be a good idea to just exclude him, that’s not going to help improve his behaviour. If he knows what you’re doing and still wants to come then you might just have to accept that he is going to be annoying at least some of the time and ignore it. But I would lay ground rules and expectations before you go. Also do you ever do anything that is just for him / what he enjoys and maybe you don’t? It sounds like you have big age gaps and that possibly plays into it. Could you arrange a day out somewhere he really wants to go eg a theme park , if he still plays up then I would stop the day trips for a while.

If you behave lke a grumpy arse whilst doing the bit that everyone else wants to do then we won't do the bit you want to do and will come straight home and I won't take you next time. Then stick to it. Teens are like large and smelly toddlers half the time!

This is funny my dd17 can b like this on hols but this year when dh said sure next year you'll prob be doing your own thing anyway, she got the huff saying how she wasn't 'wanted' & we can't wait to be rid of her -youcan't win!! Lol.

I have 4 kids now aged between 19 and 29 and none of them have been through the stage of not wanting to go on holiday and never grumped.
For day trips, whoever wanted to come, came, and whoever didn't want to come to stayed at home. A 13 year old doesn't need daytime babysitting!!
I don't really understand your dilemma?

Tell him straight
You arent coming because you're a misery guts. A few times missing out on things and he will get the message

Surely you tell everyone what you're planning, ask if they want to come and proceed accordingly. Don't make it more complicated than it is. He has a choice and if he regrets his decision so be it.

I was brought up that you have to be social the whole way, including on trains / cars etc. Mine enjoy a day trip but tbh we all just want to be left alone while travelling. In the car the front passenger chats with the driver but unless we actually have something to say everyone else is free to zone out listening to their own music. I had to let go of some internalised rules but even I prefer it now!