AIBU to feel hurt that family did not notice my weight loss?

[Weightloss1234]

I have name changed for this to not link to other posts. But keep a long story short I have lost over 1 1/2 stone since June. I feel absolutely great and I know I look good, lots of people in work have mentioned it to me.
Here’s where my AIBU comes in. I was at a family gathering the other day…with people I have not seen in a while and some I have seen on and off! Not one person said anything. Now I know I don’t need validation for others. And I do understand that a lot of people are hesitant to comment on peoples appearance but when someone looks good and I know they’ve worked hard in themselves I always say it to them. I just feel a bit deflated I suppose. I know IABU! But it still hurts a little…

Do they know you’ve worked hard? I never mention anyone’s weight whether it’s gone up or down. You never know if it’s the result of an illness/stress etc and if they’re happy about it! Best to keep quiet.

On the other hand, if you’ve been very vocal about it it might be that they don’t want to have another conversation about it?

People are conditioned nowadays to never comment on weight for fear of offending people so I wouldn't take it personally. Congratulations on your weight loss!

Congratulations on your weight loss. Enjoy it.

People don't always notice and if they do, they don't always say for fear of being rude. I went from a size 16 to a size 10 a free years ago. No one commented apart from DH. I was surprised too.

1.5st sounds like a lot, but it depends on your starting size. I was 14.5st last year, a size 16. When I was 1.5st down, the same size clothes still fit me, just differently. I felt amazing, but it wasn’t noticeable really to others.

They may not have noticed. Or, they may have, but not known whether it was intentional. Imagine telling somebody you don’t see often that they look great with their weight loss to then find out it’s due to cancer or something. Some people just keep quiet.

Did they know you’d been working hard at it? If I specifically knew someone had been aiming to lose weight, then maybe I’d comment (but I don’t think it would particularly unreasonable not to). If I didn’t know for sure, I absolutely would not comment on someone else’s body. Also I really really might not notice. We had a family event last month with various cousins I hadn’t seen in a while, and tbh apart from one really dramatic change, I couldn’t have told you if anyone was a different weight to the last time I saw them.

• If they see you regularly they may not have noticed.
• If your start weight is 20st they.may well not notice.. if it was 10st you prob have a point
• they may be self absorbed jealous oblivious who knows
• they.may think discussing weight is rude

Well done you.. thats an awful lot to lose so quickly though...

People don't comment unless it's really significant. My partner has lot of a lot of weight in the past year, and people only started commenting at around three stone... and even then it was cautiously, asking if he was ok, because they were worried he might be ill.

People pay a lot less attention to you than you think, and it's not really socially acceptable to comment on peoples' weight nowadays.

I wouldn’t take it personally. I would never comment - I myself lost a lot of weight years ago and got many comments. What they didn’t know was that I was struggling massively with post natal depression and anxiety. I might have looked good but mentally I was at my worst.

Ten years ago I was with my Mum when she commented on a friend’s weight-it turned out the friend was in the late stages of stomach cancer, and her weight loss was because she was dying. I never comment on physical changes to a person’s appearance and I have to be 100% sure to comment on a pregnancy too!

I'd always be wary of saying something. As other people have said it might be due to illness or stress. And if you say 'you look great' it kind of implies you thought they looked rubbish when they were larger as well

I thought commenting on someone’s weight wasn’t the done thing?
You can’t have it both ways and not want people to comment on bodies but then compliment getting smaller.
Plus unless you’re under 5ft a stone probably isn’t even that noticeable to others.

I’ve gone from 10st to just over 8st.

Rightly so. I wouldn’t mention the loss or gain to a person. Unless it was to the point where you couldn’t not notice the weight loss.
I don’t focus on the weight loss as it can be awkward if the diet fails for the person, it is their journey, they can tell me about it if they want to share.

That's brilliant, well done you. However, maybe they just haven't noticed. I lost almost 6 stone last year, I would say people only noticed/commented when I had lost about 4 stone. And then once I lost all my weight, I got a lot of comments about how ill I look. I would have prefered no comments at all lol.

You feel great, you look great, that's the main thing.

People are very self absorbed. It often takes a very drastic change on another person for them to notice. And even more so for them to comment.
Some people quite rightly wouldn't feel comfortable spontaneously mentioning another person's weight, even in a positive way. Someone could be unwell or depressed or have ED and that's why they lost it? Some people would take any comment like that intrusive.

You should tell people you have. If I've achieved something important to me and I want people to know I don't wait for others to 'notice', I just tell them.

Then I'm sure they'll congratulate you. And if they look harder they'll probably see the difference.

Well done btw. I'm sure you feel a lot healthier. That's the most important thing.

People just don’t comment much. I’ve recently lost over 5 stone, gone down 3-4 dress sizes and very few people commented until they heard others asking me about it. They just didn’t want to be rude and bring it up first. It’s a big difference as some people who haven’t seen me since I was big didn’t recognise me! I’m sure people have noticed, don’t worry. They’re usually being polite. Or if they haven’t noticed they are just too wrapped up in themselves!

They either haven’t noticed or they think it would be rude to comment.

I would never comment on someone’s weight unless they specifically said to me something along the lines of “I’ve been working really hard to lose weight and improve my health. I’m really pleased as I’m now at my target weight.”

Obviously we don’t know how long you had been at your higher weight, but let’s say you gained that stone and a half (that you’ve now lost) over the last couple of years…would you have wanted people to notice that back in June? Or if you gain some of the weight back?

If you have a couple of people you are particularly close to, I think it’s ok for you to share with them how pleased you are with your weight loss, but I would never want someone to comment on my weight (gain or loss) unless I started the conversation, therefore I would never comment on someone else’s weight.

Well done! Don’t be discouraged by the lack of comments. Be proud of your progress.

I wouldn’t comment if someone had gained weight so I don’t comment if they lose it either.

i have recently lost weight because of stress. I probably look “better” to most people as I was a tad overweight, but I feel awful. I’d rather have my peace and the weight back, so it’s nothing to celebrate.

I think it’s good manners these days not to comment on weight ..the rule taught to children something like ..’never comment on something that can’t be immediately changed’

I think it’s a good thing NOT to comment as comments often cause harm

I never comment on weight.

That sounds like quite a big change given your size, so it depends on what you were wearing, if they’re the types to notice, whether they think you’d like them to comment or not.

When I lost a lot of weight it was because my marriage was awful and I was absolutely miserable and I hated anyone mentioning it. Equally a relative told me she’d lost 3.5 stone and how pleased she was and I honestly hadn’t noticed at all so just said congratulations.

I don’t comment on weight. Ever.

Sounds like you didn't necessarily need to lose the weight? In the nicest possible way, it might be they thought you looked better before? (sometimes when women lose weight when they are slim already, it just comes from their face and they look hagard).

I wouldn’t comment about someone’s weight for two reasons. It’s considered rude and I don’t want to hear about it!