AIBU to feel hurt that family did not notice my weight loss?

[Weightloss1234]

I have name changed for this to not link to other posts. But keep a long story short I have lost over 1 1/2 stone since June. I feel absolutely great and I know I look good, lots of people in work have mentioned it to me.
Here’s where my AIBU comes in. I was at a family gathering the other day…with people I have not seen in a while and some I have seen on and off! Not one person said anything. Now I know I don’t need validation for others. And I do understand that a lot of people are hesitant to comment on peoples appearance but when someone looks good and I know they’ve worked hard in themselves I always say it to them. I just feel a bit deflated I suppose. I know IABU! But it still hurts a little…

I don’t comment on peoples weight at alll because you never know why people are lighter or heavier, sometimes losing weight can be a bad thing (e.g. mental health related) so I just err on safe side and don’t mention it. Perhaps they are the same.

I hate it when people tell me I’ve lost weight. My BMI generally hovers around the 26/27 mark and I’d like to lose a stone or two if I could do so in a healthy way. But every time I’ve lost a noticeable amount of weight over the last few years it’s been because of severe stress/anxiety that literally shuts down my (normally very healthy) appetite. So someone saying ‘gosh you’ve lost weight!’ is of course well intended but it just reminds me of the physical toll of my mental state on my body.

Once or twice I’ve even had people say things like ‘well at least that’s one bright side!’ Like being so ill that you can’t eat is a good thing if it helps you lose a few pounds. Depressing!

It can also make you feel like your normal pre-weight-loss body isn’t OK, which just makes you feel more shit about yourself.

I have a personal policy of not commenting on anyone else’s weight, ever. If they tell me they’ve actively been trying to lose weight then I’ll say something like ‘well done you’ve worked really hard’. To be honest I found that I became much happier when I committed to entering into conversations about weight as little as possible - there’s something so depressing about a group of (usually) women sitting around talking about how they’re going to start their diet tomorrow/they’ve been so naughty this week/they need to get beach-body ready. There are so many more interesting things to talk about!

Absolutely identify and agree with this

Firstly, well done on the weight loss, it’s an amazing achievement and be proud. I can speak from experience of people not noticing my weight loss. I’ve lost 3 stone and only 1-2 people have mentioned it in the last 12 months. Yes, it’s made me feel like all my efforts have gone unnoticed but I can see a difference and feel better for it. I lost the weight for me! I have given up on others who haven’t noticed or haven’t mentioned it, as they aren’t important.

What’s important is the weight you’ve lost and how good it’s making you feel, embrace it. You’ve worked hard on yourself and your own wellbeing, and that is something to be proud of and to celebrate, even if it is alone.

I think people sometime are worried they may offend. I lost 20kg after giving birth to last baby and people did comment lots but I think they were confident that i lost my pregnancy weight rather than it s an illness or stress etc.

I always tell my kids “never talk about other peoples’ bodies” so I would hope they wouldn’t comment on weight loss

I'm similar build and weight. It is possible. Not everyone is the same or can manage their intake as well as they think they can!

I heard a saying that’s says the first stone nobody notices, the second stone you notice and the third stone everyone notices and this has been my exact experience.

I don’t plan on losing another stone I think 7st would be way too thin so I’m happy to stay at 8st. Now I just have to maintain I suppose

A word of advice OP: you're asking the wrong crowd. Most of Mumsnet think that commenting in any way on anyone's weight, even if it is to say 'wow you look fantastic well done' is a cardinal sin.

back in the real world, I'm with you, if you've lost a much as two stone it must be visible and people are either not commenting out of fear (see above) or jealousy.

Well done on your huge achievement xx

To be honest I found that I became much happier when I committed to entering into conversations about weight as little as possible - there’s something so depressing about a group of (usually) women sitting around talking about how they’re going to start their diet tomorrow/they’ve been so naughty this week/they need to get beach-body ready. There are so many more interesting things to talk about!

Hear bloody hear!

Commenting on anyone's weight is rude and I'd never do it unprompted. In most cases I genuinely don't think I'd notice. I'm not in the habit of paying undue attention to my friends' bodies.

I don't weigh myself but I'm sure I've lost weight this month (at least my abs are more visible). That's because I'm between root canal procedures and terrified of eating hard food. Subsisting on yoghurt and gazpacho for the past month is neither an accomplishment nor something I'm happy about.

I also don't really think weight is either positive or negative. It's not the same as fitness or exercise. If a friend is proud because she broke her personal best time for running 10k then that is something to celebrate. I think we should be getting away from weight as any sort of arbiter of value.

Not mentioning your weight? Your family sounds very astute.

Yeah because you were already slim 🙄

Anyway most of the comments have said its rude to comment on someone’s weight so you have your answer and can be thankful your family are nice people.

I lost that amount of weight a few years ago, unintentionally through illness and subsequent stress. I am glad no-one commented on it.

I get this point but they are my family if I was ill they would know!

I wasn’t that slim at all. I was very bloated etc.

Just a word to the wise, there is nothing more tedious to actual fat people than the organically slim complaining that you can just see they’ve eaten a meal.

There is nothing “bloated” about being 18stone, or being actually obese.

Being just into the overweight category may well be your limit, and that’s reasonable - we’re all different and know our own bodies and preferences best.

But honestly, in the grand scheme of fatness, “bloated” and “just overweight” doesn’t even register.

And there’s nothing more tedious than someone trying to tell you that you are/were slim when you weren’t.
this is not me getting at you either but, I never said I was obese or fat. I said I was overweight and didn’t feel great in myself like you say is my choice. I wish people would stop trying to tell me otherwise

No, I appreciate that.

But, as has been said multiple times now - nobody else recognised you were overweight.

You knew your BMI, but we don’t wear them like a badge. A doctor looked at me earlier this year and guessed it was over 40. Guessed. Because the fatness is the BMI badge. You didn’t have one.

Your preference for your own body doesn’t live in anyone else’s headspace, so they probably had no idea you had weight to lose.

Some people do congratulate weight loss. I had a few colleagues mention it when I last saw them. At that point I’d lost just over a stone.. of almost 18.

When your body becomes publicly known to be overweight, people do notice it. But that fortunately isn’t you.

That doesn’t make your effort less, or make it matter less to you. But in a fat aware world, you’re not going to register in the same way as other (bigger) people. Which is actually a good thing.

Overweight for you but not fat enough for everyone else. I’d be grateful for that if I was you.

Many people would consider it rude to comment on someone’s weight and body

they may have noticed but just not felt it was acceptable to comment
I certainly wouldn’t

People are too scared to comment, I read so many comments people offended anyone has commented on their weight good or bad.

To be honest I found that I became much happier when I committed to entering into conversations about weight as little as possible - there’s something so depressing about a group of (usually) women sitting around talking about how they’re going to start their diet tomorrow/they’ve been so naughty this week/they need to get beach-body ready. There are so many more interesting things to talk about!

This is so true.

Yes but going from a size 12 to 8 isnt something that is an obvious healthy thing and would be weird and rude to comment on. It’s personal preference for you.

Yes I don’t think I’ve heard of anyone else losing that much that fast, he’s pretty much kept it off for the past 11 years, up and down a bit but highest he’s gone back to was 13, think he’s maybe 11.5 now. You’re absolutely right with the huge drops in the first weeks, I’m always the same myself and totally agree, keeping it off is the hardest part.

They probably were afraid to hurt your feelings by saying you had lost weight and thus implying you were "fat" before 🤷🏼‍♀️